To worry about telling my partner about suspected endometriosis?

[Rizzo8]

Just before I met my partner 9 months ago I got the mirena coil fitted to help settle my periods. The doctor said she thinks we can go with a working prognosis that I probably have Endo.

Recently I've had return symptoms which have lead this doctor to recommend me for a laparoscopy (after 5 years of on and off waiting).

So basically in the course of our relationship the periods haven't come up as they haven't affected me as they did before. It's only recently I've had to say 'sometimes I get bad periods' and he just said ok and gave me a hug.

Because he's started hinting about kids and because I know Endo can mean infertility I worry he will go off me terrible as that sounds! Or think someone younger and healthier a better bet. Obviously if I get an operation I'll need to tell him...

If he goes off you for this he isn’t worth wasting your time on.
I voted YABU as I have three kids and Endo and I’ve not heard of the infertility thing. Obvs happy to be corrected ☺️

The fact that he seemed supportive when you told him you get bad periods is a good sign. If he did go off on you, he's not remotely worth it.

Obviously explain to him what endo is and the symptoms and the fact that it's a progressive condition that will likely come back, even after treatment.

And for what it's worth, it doesn't automatically mean infertility. I know a few women with endo who have children (some took longer than others but it's definitely possible)

I've always had period problems to some extent but was on contraception for most of my teens/20s. I conceived both of my children very quickly, but only after my youngest did my symptoms become debilitating and currently waiting on a lap myself (but verbally diagnosed by two gynaes/consultants)

Every person I know that has endo has children.

I wouldn’t go into it like “I’ve got this diagnosis that means we might be infertile” just tell him what endo is, honestly endo can cause issues with infertility but it doesn’t mean that it’s 100% going to happen to you and there’s so much help out there, I wouldn’t worry.

You are not unreasonable to be anxious about telling him, but you have to. Endo can make it more difficult to conceive, but it doesn’t automatically mean you cannot. I have suspected endo, my doctors are just SO slow, it took me 6 months to conceive with my first and 17 months with my second. That bridge can be crossed when you come to it. All you have to do is explain that you have this condition, a little bit more about what it means and the fact that some women do struggle a little bit more to conceive but there are options out there, both natural and medication based, which could and do assist a LOT of women with their journey.

Endometriosis is, sadly, linked to infertility; especially the more advanced stages 3 and 4.

As one in ten women have endometriosis, but often don’t know about it, a lot of ‘unexplained infertility’ can be explained by endometriosis and the associated inflammation, which means the embryos can’t implant successfully.

However, all too often the NHS will channel women straight to IVF rather than offer them a diagnostic laparoscopy, so it’s wonderful you’re on the waiting list for one.

Does hinting about kids mean teeing up a discussion on long term plans or actually starting to do it now? 9 months is very early to make a life long commitment, especially the type that throws a grenade into the healthiest of relationships.

The "I've never heard of infertility from endo" and "everyone I know with endo has children" comments along with all the others making out it probably isn't a big deal is disingenuous. Endo is a leading cause of infertility, when I was diagnosed the first thing they told me was I wouldn't be able to have children most likely. It took 2 excision surgeries and 5 cycles of IVF to have my daughter. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to honest with you, it's not a flippant "oh don't worry about it" thing it's a huge blow if you do have it, BUT, it's treatable.

Anyway onto your dilemma, I had been with my partner a few months max when I got my diagnosis, I had a huge mental health crisis over the fact I would be in pain forever, it was incurable and I was infertile. I was desperate to start trying for a baby immediately because I was terrified I wouldn't have one if we waited, my partner, understandably, was terrified by the whole thing. We fought a lot and had some couples therapy to talk it through. But 4 years later we're still together, we bought our dream house together went on some bucket list holidays, survived 5 cycles of IVF and had a baby girl! We couldn't be happier! We've survived what would break many couples because he is the most supportive, understanding and caring person I have ever met. If your partner is of the same calibre and you truly love eachother you will make it, whatever your outcome is. My partner who has always wanted kids said he wanted them with me and no one else so if we couldn't have them that was that he still wanted me rather than take his chances with someone else.

I'm trying to show you that if he is the one for you he will love you no matter what and you will survive what is to come. Which hopefully is a false alarm and a life without endo but if it ends up being endo, you aren't automatically infertile, if you are there are fertility treatments, and if they fail he may well love you anyway if he is the one. If you think he is that guy, share your fears with him so that he can support you. If you don't feel able to tell him until you know for sure, that's fine too! Just make sure you have support from somewhere else if not your partner.

Good luck, I hope you have a good outcome and wish you all the best on your journey!

If he is around to care for you after the lap that will be a good indicator for you I think.

I still remember how lovely my DH was when I had my operations, though he was only my boyfriend at the time.

Fertility issues are also something that make or break a couple.

I was being genuine, it was never mentioned at any point in any of my drs appts, scans or treatment! Must’ve had a rubbish doctor.
Congratulations on your baby girl but sorry for the long journey you had to take ❤️

It's linked. It depends how bad it is. Some people have to undergo surgery and then ivf obviously not all

@Rizzo8 . Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it. Just my story - I have endometriosis, so did my mum who eventually had a hysterectomy. Her endometriosis was graded severe - in fact the surgeon that conducted her hysterectomy said it was one of the worst and most extensive cases he had seen in his career.

My mum conceived me and my sister easily in spite of her symptoms.

I am currently pregnant with my first baby at age 37 - conceived first month of trying.

There is a documented like between endometriosis and difficulty conceiving but it doesn't affect everyone in the same way.

After I had my diagnostic laparoscopy and a bit of the laser treatment to remove adhesions (in my 20s) my pain symptoms improved a lot and I stayed on hormonal contraception which really managed my periods and bleeding symptoms. I stopped when I was ready to try for a baby. It took a little while to find what worked for me but eventually I found a good progesterone only pill. Mirena was good too.

I hope positive things come your way x

Hi, I had a laparoscopy with excision surgery for stage 4 endometriosis, and as they removed the endo completely, I have an 18 month old and I am pregnant again, both times it happened quickly.

I would say that if you want to have children it is something you need to prioritise, I would have probably waited a more few years if we hadn’t known about my endometriosis. We’re the first of our friends to have children but we knew we wanted a family and ideally a few children so we couldn’t really leave it longer.

In terms of next steps, I think if you can get your laparoscopy to remove the endometriosis, excision surgery is a lot more effective than ablation if you can specify that, I had private surgery so not sure on the NHS at the moment. They advised that my fertility would be at its best straight after surgery. We got married and started trying two years after my surgery and it only took a few months. Obviously some people really struggle with infertility which is what we were expecting but this is just my experience.

If you’re thinking of possibly having children together you need to be able to talk about all the hard things in life. Endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women, it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. I’m sure if he’s usually supportive he will be about this.