Family dynamics - whose BU

[Helki111]

I’m the youngest of 3 sisters and find it really hard to navigate the dynamics. I am a little depressed (don’t want to discuss on here) and I’m isolating myself which I know is not healthy but trying to “get out there” is not made easy by my one sister (Sister A) .

Sister B lives 1.5 hours away and has 2 boys similar age to my kids whereas sister A lives 2 hours away and kids are much older.

I just feel I can’t see Sister B without also having to see Sister A. It causes me so much stress. Sister A feels as she’s the eldest I should come to hers but it’s so much easier driving to B’s. she refuses to meet there and just tells me to see her after which causes stress as I can’t relax as watching the clock and then kids get over tired on way back so I just avoid seeing them. Haven’t actually seen them for over a year now.

truthfully Sister A is the one that makes more effort like she would drive to see me and rings on kids birthdays but I find it hard to tell her I’m just seeing B. I don’t know why I feel like this.

im worried I’m going to get more and more depressed and isolate myself. I do have kids friends mums I could see but i don’t feel like it. Had a few playdates since start of summer but honestly I feel more depressed! I know the kids seeing their cousins would cheer me up but I feel im doing “something wrong” when I just want to see sister B without A. But she won’t let it happen.

Truthfully I don’t know. I always come away feeling bad about myself but with B not so much. But I know A does more for me so feel obligated.

Okay what is that A says or does that makes you feel bad?

This could be why B has distanced herself.

Lots to unpick here.

You seem to be a massive people pleaser - with your H and each sister. It's no wonder your head is scrambled.

What do you want to do?

I think you need to look hard at your relationship with your H first and foremost. Because if you leave him, and have your own place, then you can use that to tackle the relationship with your sisters.

To be honest, A seems as controlling as your H. The example before the wedding shows that.

I think some counselling would help.

Look up FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. You are stuck in it.

FFS. This is a serious DH problem. What is it about A that makes you feel bad? Does she question you about DH?

I have two older sisters and I absolutely hate one of their husbands. It makes it very difficult to have a normal relationship with that sister because she will mention in passing things he has done or said, and I am having to swallow my words because she doesn’t want to hear that he’s a selfish cheating arrogant piece of shit.

The issue with A is she makes me feel really rubbish all the time. She makes comments about my weight (stress eating), she criticises everything and makes me feel rubbish if I say we’re going away anywhere.

I have heard “people pleaser” before to describe me! So PP might be right.

Bloody hell no wonder you don't want to spend time with your sister. She isn't supportive or even nice!!!