Is feeling burnout by work all the time normal?

[WipeOutWorker]

I love my job but it's really fast paced and I'm finding that as I get into my mid-forties I am really struggling to keep up. I've always had the sorts of jobs in the public and voluntary sector where I'm covering lots of different issues, having to prioritise and reprioritise my time depending on what happens and basically keep all the plates spinning without anything crashing down. I am now in a senior management role working with people across the organisation who have different priorities and who want to make different demands on my time, as well as having my own priorities that me and my team are responsible for delivering. I'm paid about £55K per year, which I am beginning to think is not enough for the amount of pressure and responsibility. I used to think I thrived on this, but now I am finding that all of my energy is going into my job and I have nothing left in the evenings or weekends for my friends and family. Friday evenings are a write off, and Saturdays are normally spent feeling burnt out and exhausted and even when I take annual leave it feels like it takes at least a week to start to feel normal again (I feel like I have to do twice as much work in the weeks running up to annual leave to cover the time I will be off, and I still come back to a mountain of emails to catch up on). I no longer feel like I can keep this up for another 10-20 years especially as I am beginning to experience symptoms of perimenopause, but we also really depend upon my income so stopping working is not an option either.

I am beginning to consider other career options and am wondering if the civil service would give me more flexibility and less pressure without a big pay cut? Is there any chance of getting into the private sector at this age? Is it normal in those sectors to work at this pace all the time? I read about people on here who have really busy periods at work, but that is compensated by relatively quiet periods where they can deal with personal appointments and take things a bit more easily. Is that common? It feels like my job could have that natural ebb and flow but because of limited resources additional responsibilities are piled on to people until they are working full pelt all the time.

YABU - this level of stress and pressure is normal and you just need to suck it up or take a big pay cut
YANBU - this level of stress and pressure is not normal, you should have energy left to enjoy your weekends so start looking for alternative work

(Name change in case linking this to past posts is outing)

It’s ‘normal’ for public sector senior management jobs, for sure. I’m there with ya! We have intense jobs requiring complex skillsets and huge amounts of energy and we aren’t very well remunerated for it. That won’t change, so we have to.

I’m late forties and contemplating a change in my fifties, although no idea what yet. Certainly not civil service, as the payscales are atrocious. Possibly some sort of consultancy? We shall see!

In the meantime, I’ve had to learn to get hardcore about prioritising myself over my job over the last couple of years. I’m not the highly conscientious worker bee I was a few years ago. I fight against my perfectionist tendencies and I’ve embraced doing a job ‘well enough’ rather than to the highest standards. I also care a lot less about what colleagues or bosses think of me, and don’t people please. All of this is preserving my sanity and energy levels in the interim.

And that's the joy of menopause

I recommend setting an Out Of Office when you go on leave stating you won’t be reading any of the emails that are sent during this period, and if it’s really important they can re-send when you are back. Whatever you think, you job isn’t that important - im guessing you are not the PM on that salary.

I'd say that seems pretty typical I'm afraid. I am in the private sector and if I look at my colleagues who are a grade or two beneath my level so similar salary level to you, a lot of them would say the same. I am very much the same but at least get more pay.

Big but though, my younger colleagues are a lot better at managing their boundaries to avoid this despite the same workload. I dont mean being snowflakey or not pulling their weight but feeling more comfortable in logging off/not always putting work first. I try to take a leaf out of their books but it is hard when that's not how you were 'brought up' at work.

Unfortunately I think it is the norm. I am same age as you and was in senior management jobs in vol and public sector. I do think you are a bit underpaid. I have found a way to take two years off work to finish a degree I started part time and then I am going to either go back or start a new career. Either way the two years off will do me a world of good. Anyway you could get some time off the reevaluate everything?

I have felt a gradual creep of work stress over the last year or so, which means I am finding it harder to switch off at weekends and holidays.

I am paid badly for what I do but I'm in a golden handcuffs situation whereby I have great flexibility, a reasonable annual bonus and other benefits, which makes it harder to leave.

I am having to be really strict and not check emails after hours and try and distance myself from office politics which I always seem to get dragged into.

I don't really know what the answer is OP but as I've got older work has become less and less important to me. I'm just doing it because I have to pay the bills!

Oh and no quiet periods and constant understaffing here and with all my friends in other firms too.

Thanks for the kindness and support in the replies so far. I totally get what you have all said so far about setting boundaries, but when that means a pile of stuff doesn't get done how do you cope? A big problem I have is that my team depend on me doing certain things to enable them to do their roles, so if I'm not delivering that they get stuck in a bottle neck and can't deliver either.

I am glad you have found a way out. Do you mind asking what you are retraining to do?

I think I am definitely underpaid. I am vol sector now, but if I'd stayed in my last public sector job I'd be on about £60K with significantly less responsibility because my current employer hasn't been able to keep up with public sector wage increases.

I feel you as that was basically me a year ago. I’m paid a similar amount (though this is with thanks to a recent payrise I negotiated). I worked with a leadership coach who has helped me to make subtle but effective changes to the way I both work and think that helps me to strike a better balance. I'm now less wrung out and a better leader as a result. I’m not saying its you, though if you have a strong work ethic, are conscientious and work to high standards in a demanding job that has very few lull periods, I think this can lead to burn out.
Is there more you can delegate? Sometimes people like more growth opportunities. Do you need to advocate more for extra capacity or can you drop less impactful (yet sometimes time sucking) tasks.

I would say even civil service, depending on level & grade, you’d be in the same boat. I know I certainly am, similar salary and feel exactly the same. There’s never a minute spare, everybody needs something from you and every single one of those things seems to be “urgent”, it’s incredibly difficult to reprioritise and keep everybody happy and it’s just not possible to get everything done in the time available in a working week. All the others at my grade say the same.

My friend works in the same area as me but a couple grades lower and always says she has an amazing work life balance and couldn’t be happier, all of her time apparently feel the same. They are on 28-30K and honestly I think the pay cut would be worth the time you get back and the slower pace of everything.

That said though it does depend on department and role because I also have a friend who works in an entry level civil service role, on the phones, and she absolutely hates it, feels exactly the same as me but for a fraction of the pay so again, not worth it.

My DH is in the private sector on about 60k but working on big government contracts with public money. He is under so much pressure and very unreasonable demands essentially doing the work of two people 1 is all the active design work of the project and the other is having to manage a large staff who have never received proper training for the software they are using and need his constant input and support, dealing with endless queries from people on this and other jobs as well as doing extensive checks on everything going out and being expected to be on calls and teams meetings most of every day. He's in an impossible position but that is more or less the norm these days once you are earning more than an average wage, they want blood for it.

He has developed high blood pressure even though he is fit and his stress levels are high. I really wish he would look for another job even if it meant a drop in pay but he says at his level its all the same.

Essentially OP I think that you are just in that hot zone where they are riding you as hard as they can as you have that balance of experience and still being young, then in your 50's you might ascend to a cushier upper management position your you will crash out onto the scrapheap. Its totally brutal.

Im a lifer in the civil service, roughly the same age as you and totally burnt out and fed up with it all. I’m looking for another career also but it’s hard to know how on earth mu skilset would translate to anything else. I’m considering some sort of career coaching.

Similar here - a bit older than you, but thinking about applying for a far less senior part time role in an aligned but different field.
I probably end up working 50+ hours a week - but it's all the time on top of that that I don't use the time well because I'm thinking I ought to finish off XYZ.

The role I'm looking at is close to home, three days a week
Lot less money - but all that tax I won't be paying😃

I’m public sector, lower level management so not paid as much and I’ve just handed in my notice! I’m 50, I can’t cope with the workload or stress and more importantly, I don’t want my job to take over my life anymore!

I'm dropping back a grade and will aim to limp along a few more years saving like mad for early retirement or part time working.

Are you adequately supported at home?

I’m civil service and also feel knackered after work. I’ve cut my hours and do 4 days a week to achieve a better balance. The pay cut is definitely worth it for me.

Yeah vol sector is often underpaid and relies on people’s goodwill. I found national and bigger charities sometimes pay better. I am doing a science based degree and considering healthcare/ healthcare science. Not sure yet how it will go, we’ll see. I’m really glad I’ve done it (even though obviously some people thought I am crazy taking this risk). I didn’t want the next 20 years just passing by. It also depends how much you enjoy it. Even though I was successful in moving up, I felt I possibly enjoyed it less than some, or maybe got restless…

Yes I am thanks. OH does more than his fair share at home otherwise the whole thing would have come crashing down years ago. It's definitely my paid work that is the issue!

I’m public sector, working on large projects, similar age.
I actually feel a bit the opposite- i feel
much less stressed about work than I used to. I think a combination of experience and confidence has helped.
I mean, the email thing: get ahead of it by communicating very clearly well ahead of time that you will be on leave between x dates. Anything anyone sends you when they know you are not there cant be that important and if it is then it’s on them to grab you again when you get back to work.
You CANT keep everyone happy, so don’t bother trying, and if everything is top priority then nothing is. Aim for your minimum viable product/ outcome, don’t give too much time to the whingers and time wasters. Parcel your time in the day into slots to do things and be ruthless.
I used to be a PA for senior men ( always men ) and they are incredibly good at putting themselves first.
STOP doing things yourself that you could get a more junior member of staff to do, or delegate to an expert. Cut all meetings down as much as possible and if a meeting doesn’t throw up at least 2 or 3 trackable actions that will move things forward, why are you having it?
Most importantly remember, you can do what you can do in the time you have. It won’t be perfect so stop trying. Take breaks, take lunch, nothing bad will happen if you slow down.

From your description and the pay I thought that you were going to say that you were civil service.

I think the whole public sector is so stretched at the moment that everyone, above the most junior staff, has to work flat out at all times.

Each day is running flat out so there isn't the ability or scope to catch up during the normal working day.

Don't know what the answer is though

I think the whole public sector is so stretched at the moment that everyone, above the most junior staff, has to work flat out at all times.
In my experience the junior staff work a damn sight harder than the SLT!

Totally relate to the burn out and feel exactly the same albeit I work in financial services. Very high pressure, stressful full time (and then some) role. I earn £100k a year excl bonus so people tend to say ‘suck it up, the money is worth it’ etc but like you, I’m not sure it’s sustainable long term, health wise.

I know this is a zombie thread but I was on it on 17th August and just wanted to update.

So I have only just realised that literally an hour after I posted, I got a phone call which changed everything….my brother had been in a serious accident and he sadly died 3 days later. I’d handed in my notice and applied for another job at that point.

I got the other job and I left my management job today.

If I hadn’t handed in my notice before my brothers accident, I would have done after. It certainly helps put things in perspective and life is just too short to be miserable at work.

It certainly shouldn’t be the norm to feel completely burnt out at work!

Well done @Doyouthinktheyknow - life is short to be unhappy. I had a similar situation where a friend died and it made me re evaluate my life. I handed my notice in a couple of months later. My new role is easier - less money but I will manage. I feel like a huge load is lifted off my shoulders