Dp anger issues

[gobson67]

Dp has anger issues, I wish he would go to therapy to resolve them but he isn't keen.

He swears a lot, before meeting him I would swear if i stubbed my toe or the odd occasion. It wouldn't be part of my daily vocabulary, however now I am now swearing loads more than I used to. Also my ds12 is too.

I absolutely hate it. I have made a huge effort to stop, i have told dp to stop as well but he just doesn't, maybe for a day or two then thats it. No real effort.

Generally speaking he will play devils advocate just to wind people up. He will get road rage when driving and the smallest inconvenience happens.

In terms of me/my kids safety, that feels like a non issue. If it ever was, I would be gone no questions.

But being honest I just don't like this negative/angry dynamic, I feel like it's really rubbing off on ds & I, and I just don't want that kind of environment to live in.

We have a baby and are getting married this winter.

AIBU to say to him he needs to get this resolved or at least start to before we get married?

I just worry that once we get married he might feel like he doesn't need to. Not that I want to threaten him with marriage, but i don't know what to do.

Has anyone else gone through similar?

If he doesn’t want to change he won’t.

Likewise if you don’t want to be married to an angry, swearing ( presumably never wrong?) man then you think carefully about what you do want.

I had a cross, shouty mother- not aggressive- and it’s the biggest thing I remember about my childhood.

I think that ship has sailed, to be honest.

You've introduced a man who you describe as 'having anger issues' into your family, allowed him to repeatedly swear in front of your child and then been upset when this example has been copied, ignored the road rage and all the warning signs that he's an abusive prick.

And got pregnant and engaged to him.

He won't change. This is the best it will ever be. It will only get worse.

Hi has he always been like this since you met him or has it worsened recently? I think there are different kinds of swearing, with excitement saying “fucking amazing!” for example or like my dad who would swear about certain politicians? I’m asking to get a feel of the vibe. Do you have a sense of what is underneath his swearing, frustration/ anger? Do you feel like you walk on eggshells a bit or is it more a general grumpiness?

What made you think having a baby with a man with anger issues was a good idea?

Also, people die because of road rage. Either they get out and have a punch up, or a collision happens and usually some innocent bypasser gets seriously injured or dies.

@Montydone No definitely not a walking on eggshells situation. At home he's fine and happy etc, fun, we all go out & have a good time etc. He will swear in a sentence even if it's a positive thing he's talking about, it's just constant and not what i am used to.

Interesting! I think some people are more ‘sweary’ without being angry; I know a few of these and I’m quite sweary myself but not in front of kids.
If another car cuts him off what does he do/say? I think swearing at that time to your partner in a way which is non- confrontational to the other driver is very different to winding down the window and shouting at the other driver in a way which could provoke violence, and and there are a myriad of responses beteeen those two… what would your partner do?do you feel you have to calm him down to stop him behaving a particular way?

whatever else, it does sound like you need clear boundaries with him about what he says in front of kids