To ask how your life changed after adult ADHD diagnosis?

[NoLidlNoJoke]

Hi all,

I am now going through the assessment process for ADHD in my late 30s.

Now I'm going through all of the forms etc, I'm realising how much of a profound impact my executive dysfunction unction and focus/attention issues have had in pretty much every area of my life. If it is ADHD, I feel like I will likely make a lot of changes in my life in order to stop overcompensating so excessively forcing myself into burnout so much, and try and find ways to work with my brain and improve my wellbeing.

I am interested to hear from anyone who has had a late diagnosis of ADHD or other executive dysfunction related things. Just wondering if this brought anything to light for you? And what did you do differently after you found out you had ADHD that helped you live more happily?

I realised I wasn’t a failure. Academia wasn’t for me, and it wasn’t because I was stupid, but because I really should have not been pushed in that direction to begin with.

Also, being on medication has been life changing for me. Less irritated, more zen and I’ve discovered ‘focus’ is a thing.

Realised that I'm not just shit at life and there are good solid reasons for why I struggle. I'm a lot kinder to myself and don't put pressure on myself to do the stuff I think I ought to do just because.

Medication now means that my brain occasionally shuts the fuck up, and I'm far less anxious. I can actually concentrate for periods of time.

Reasonable adjustments in work mean that I can work in the way I need to and I'm actually brilliant at what I do. My different way of thinking is welcomed and considered valuable.

I'm also autistic.

I have an appt on Monday to start medication. I’m 45, diagnosed last month. Predominantly inattentive type. I have finally managed to forgive myself for a lot - including dropping out of university. I’m on my fourth attempt now and hopeful the medication will help as I don’t want a fifth failure on my hands 🫣

This is good to know, thanks. I'm glad to hear you have all been able to let go of the negative feelings and self-perceptions that seem to come with this stuff.

I'm already thinking about how I could start to channel the sheer effort I put into trying to seem to work in a typical way into something more positive.

To pp with reasonable adjustments at work, that sounds really good. I spoke to my manager about me going through the assessment. I'm already diagnosed with dyslexia and sequencing difficulties - so I shared a bit about how I have problems with working memory and sometimes can hyperfocus and be very productive.

She seemed very understanding and open to me working more flexibly and e.g. taking back the time when I have been working extremely long hours due to hyperfocusing. I'm not sure exactly which reasonable adjustments I will ask for (I can ask for these already due to dyslexia/learning difficulties anyway) but feels good to have the conversation open. Going to try and resist the urge overperform to prove myself, and burn myself out.

I don't know if I'm autistic btw, it is possible and has been suggested by a family member. But I think ADHD seems highly likely.

Whether your have ADHD or not at this point with everything you've described if I were you I would be looking online/mumsnet/tiktok for tips that those with diagnosed ADHD use and implement them anyway. What harm can it do if your experiencing burnouts then you may aswel get a head start on trying to prevent your next one.

What (sort of thing) is it that you do? I love that reasonable adjustments have meant that you can thrive at work

It hasn't changed anything, just explained a lot. I was 31 and never tried adhd medication.

Firstly, apply to access to work, which is a government funded scheme for reasonable adjustments. They can help you work out what you need. My current adjustments are:

Active noise cancelling wireless headphones

Ad hoc breaks for when I lose focus where I do something physical to reduce adrenaline.

Advance warning of calls or meetings with info on what they're about

Clear breakdowns of tasks in bullet point form - what, why, how, goal etc

Regular check ins with my line manager

Stand/sit desk so I can move whilst working

I doodle in meetings, as it stops me focusing on trying to sit still and concentrate and enables me to listen

Mind mapping software to enable me to plan in a visual way

A work "buddy" who I can call when I'm anxious. Sometimes just a 2 minute chat can pull me out of freeze mode. I can also body double with them if I need to get something done. This is where you work alongside them, either physically or virtually where you both do your own work.

I use my online calender religiously for everything, and I mean everything. I have my breaks and lunch set up ongoing, so I don't forget to take them.

There's more that I can't think of right now, but the majority of them are soft ones that don't cost anything! An understanding manager really helps. A referral to occupational health can get some stuff set in stone.

Also, you don't actually have to disclose your actual diagnosis - only your support needs.

This is really helpful, thank you. I actually think all of those things would likely be things I would benefit from.

I think what I'm worried about is that I can currently walk around when I'm in the office - no one would tell me off. But I feel I am probably being judged for my very regular toilet/water/vape breaks. They're not really toilet/water/vape breaks at all - I just need to move around and/or go outside quite regularly in order to get anything done in between. Out of interest, did you communicate about this stuff to your teammates etc? I feel like it would help but not sure how I'd go about it.

The meds don’t work for/suit everyone but I’m one of the lucky ones. Have been a massive help.

AuDHD here, diagnosed at nearly 40. I'm yet to try medication but so far would echo others: try out (with low expectations!) others' suggestions for how to improve things. I am much better now at just letting myself work the way I need to, with very frequent switches between tasks. I am also more comfortable asking for help, and ask for more specific help - I can do X but need help doing Y, can you do that please? And so on.

I'm not on medication, but my diagnosis was life changing. I had spent my life trying and failing to do things the neurotypical way, and thinking that I was just a lazy and careless person and that if I just tried harder I could do what was expected. Now I've stopped trying to be NT and started doing stuff that works for me. I actually put in far less effort than I did before, but actually manage to get stuff done. And I've also found that masking took up a huge amount of effort and that once I stopped doing that, I freed up lots of energy and cognitive function, so even without medication, my memory and concentration are better.

Would second this, about masking and the energy it consumes.

I realised I had ADHD (inattentive type) about 2 years before diagnosis. I was in trouble at work (again) for making silly mistakes, had failed my driving test a 6th time due to inability to focus, my house was such a mess I couldn’t invite people over (and had been….well, forever) and my diary management was all over the place.

I was so frustrated and angry with myself. My esteem was on. the floor. I felt I was stupid, lazy and a burden on everyone.

I started to look up self improvement and organisational strategies online. I identified that my issues were not so much to do with laziness and stupidity but actually something called ‘executive dysfunction’. From there I found out about inattentive ADHD and it was basically like someone describing my entire life and personality!

Of course, first of all, I had to rule out stupidity as a cause. So, I took a Mensa quiz online, got a high score, then booked an in person IQ test and also got a high score. So, not stupidity at all.

Anyway, the really interesting changes happened after I had identified the source of my issues. Now I started looking up ADHD specific info in tackling motivation, procrastination, organisational issues, household management etc and putting the tips and techniques into practice. They worked!!!!!! They actually worked. Understanding how my brain works, what motivated me, what gets in my way and taking advice from people who knew how my kind of brain operate has been transformative. My house is ok now (and my children and I can invite people around and be more sociable), I’m better at work (I’ve undertaken projects that suit the way I work and put in things that help with the lack of attention to detail) and I’m undertaking a second degree.

Things aren’t perfect by any means. I’m still learning and there are some things that will be an issue forever (following instructions is still super hard) but I feel like I’m actually achieving some of my goals!

Most importantly, I’m not constantly berating myself and putting myself down. I’m more solution focussed now. I regret spending my life telling myself that I am lazy, stupid and useless and it’s needed to try harder and learn willpower/self-discipline/ etc. None of these things help with ADHD, in fact they actively inhibit you from looking for real solutions.

Im also aware now that ADHD comes with super powers. Things you are better at than people who don’t have ADHD!

I do now have an official diagnosis. This has been very validating and I think will help me advocate for my own needs in future.

Diagnosed at 50. It made a huge difference to me as it felt like for the first time ever someone in authority was saying I was alright as I was. I wasn't stupid and lazy and unfocused as my parents and teachers had insisted. My brain was just wired differently.

The meds were absolutely life changing, and I was finally able to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a full time writer. I could never have done that without the diagnosis and treatment.

THIS. The less effort equalling better results once you understand how your brain functions!

This is amazing - congrats! I'm getting the sense I am also burning all my energy on masking. It's good to hear it can be undone and that things can get easier after

Love this. I have the same dream! This is amazing congratulations

Thumbs up to all the comments about masking. Still have to do it a bit, but that’s a choice now. I have also found that friends, colleagues have followed and we unmask togther and that’s great.

Alex Partridge is good (podcast, Instagram etc). He had a reel called something like 10 things you didn’t know about ADHD. No. 7 or 8 was people with ADHD and autism flock together ‘like a pack of emotionally disregulated wolves’ and ‘if it feels like all your friends are neurodivergent then I have news for you’ 😆. Absolute truth for me!

I forgot to mention that I work from home bar 2 days per month in the office. I saved my short focus tasks for those days, and also plan in short meetings and network loads.

I'm open about my neurodivergence and now actually co lead an employee resource group for neurodivergence and this has been brilliant for me, both in raising awareness and unmasking. However the decision to disclose is very personal and what's great for me isn't the same for everyone. I tend to just say I'm having an ADHD break when I'm at the point I can't sit still and focus. People seem to accept this.

That sounds great. They might have a similar group at my work that I could join. I already do similar to you in that I save short tasks for the office where I can't focus but feel the need to show my face. All my proper work is done in intense periods of hyperfocus, either early in the morning or late at night! I could do with a neurodivergent siesta on a daily basis.

Interesting. I often find I particularly enjoy working with autistic colleagues.