Take with or let her pay for it all??

[BBQdaily]

We are in a group of women, 8-12 depending and have regular meet ups (dinners) once a month at rotaing houses.. New person joined she doesn't work but is ok financially. She is hosting next and sent the date. We have all accepted. She said "no need to bring anythign just bring your selves" type thing.. and I replied no no we always pitch in and contribute for each other.. starters, a main plate or desert and contribute to the alcohol and one of us (usally all) pitch and help clean etc aftetrwards, so as to not leave too much for the host to do the next day.. its been like this for three years. I get a message afterward "why did i pitch in and say tall that i should have left her to it" (to provide everything!)_ by another member of the group.. is this a CF or should I have not said anythign.. ?

I think it’s cheeky and a bit nasty for this person to have hoped nobody would tell her you normally all contribute and let her foot the bill for it all. It’s a bit mean-girly, she doesn’t know so let her fork out. I’d have done the same as you and mentioned it!

If you always all pitch in then I don't see why this shouldn't continue, however I'd take your reply as being a bit bossy, the way you said, "no no we all pitch in" it comes across as though she has to follow the group rules.

She might want to cover the cost as its her first time hosting?

Maybe you could have phrased your reply better but it wasn't unreasonable to point it out

She’s a definite CF to let the new girl take on all the work and all the expense when you usually share it.

She sounds nasty.

She's not nasty but I just wandered if I was missing something.. It didn't even occur to me not to say something but maybe it is me that should have thought about it.. maybe.. I don't know.. just found it CF and odd.. a bit grabby..

That sort of thing only works if either every contributes each time or nobody contributes unless it's their turn. That poor woman would have done everything and then found she still had to contribute. The CF was a very very CF.

She was definitely being mean. Expecting the new girl to do something different because she doesn’t know the ropes.

Are you sure it wasn’t a jokey tone?