So we are in the process of separating but still living under the same roof at the moment. He has really shouted/screamed at me a few times, including slamming doors, all while the kids are in earshot. I usually just leave the situation if I can or cry or whatever, react passively I suppose.
We've actually just been to marriage counselling and the kids were still next door with the people who watched them while we went. This doesn't always happen but today it had bought up a lot of stuff for me where I feel like I'm putting in effort and really trying and he keeps moving the goalposts and not holding himself to the same standards he is holding me at. The big one he keeps bringing up at the moment is that we both needed to communicate, we've already had a number of issues with this in that he is trying to absolve himself from something because I didn't communicate with him when I did so it's already a touchy subject.
So what we were arguing about is how the other day he took the kids to the park with his mates and after a couple of hours, I had just got back from shopping (which took longer than expected) and I communicated to him that I was feeling overwhelmed with the things that I needed to get sorted to get dinner in the table at a reasonable hour (food needing putting away, kitchen was a massive mess after he made lunch, dishwasher, washing etc there was probably about 7 jobs in total that needed to be done fairly soon) and that I needed his help with some of it. He asked "when do you need me back then" and I replied "uhhhm...now?" Which I thought was implied but okay.
Anyway I had done a meal plan and he goes to use something that I've bought for meals on other days (I no longer have time to make the thing I had planned for that day), and he's pulling things out and asking can I use that and he's getting more and more annoyed and I'm getting more and more overwhelmed.
And that's what the argument today was about, I told him he could have just looked at the meal plan that was on the table behind him and he shouted/screamed, "or you could have just answered my f-ing questions because you were right there" or something like that and then I shouted/screamed back " or you could have thought to yourself that I had already told you I was overwhelmed and that its probably not the best time to ask me 17 f-ing questions" then I started to walk away and calmly says "oh look I can shout too". And then he has the audacity to then ask me questions about if he should take the kids with him on a dog walk now or just walk the dog later and I said "are you really asking me more questions right now, is that really what you're doing" and just repeated that until he stopped and left.
Now I know it was wrong to shout objectively and I have literally never screamed like that at a person before, it was almost as if I stood to one side and watched myself and went "woah that's a lot". But I can't bring myself to feel bad about it, as I said he's done it a few times now and he did shout at me first which is what triggered me. I have not said sorry, but neither has he yet either.
If it was an AITA question, I guess everyone is a bit shit here but it's not. I feel bad about not feeling bad about it basically and obviously I know shouting at a person is wrong, but should I feel bad about it?
PS sorry it's so long, I guess I needed a little vent too!