Grandparents of expat grandchildren expects them to sleepover on visit

[Pennyblosom]

We have been in the UK for 2 and a half years. My DD1 was 15 months when we moved. Our second DD was born here and is 8 months old.

Since we moved not one of the grandparents have come to visit and the only communication was over video chat, but DD1 has never been interested in sitting still and talking to them.

We are flying in a week to go back for a visit and having DD2 christening while we are there. We are going to be staying with my FIL as his house is big enough to accommodate us all.

My parents is expecting me to leave my DC at their house for a sleepover. They do not have a spare room, planning on throwing a mattress on their bedroom floor for DD1 and having the Camping Cot for DD2.

I am very reluctant as my DD1 doesn’t even allow my husband to bathe her or put her to bed. He is allowed to read a story with us, but then he has to leave. My parents do not know the DC bath time or bed time routine. But they are expecting me to leave my DC with technically strangers as DD1 was too small to remember them other than over a screen.

They are already going to be in a different home, different bed, different country, which is already making it difficult. I do not want to upset them further by leaving them alone in another strange house, another strange bed with, seeing it from their perspective, strange people alone.

Am I being unreasonable by saying no.

No, just say no. I had similar experience when my children where younger. My people pleaser self say yes to granparents request. When it came to it, my boys didn't want to go and I didn't let them go either. It didn't feel right. I just wish I had said not from the beginning. They were/are virtual strangers.
Children didn't know grandparents, sad but true.
Would you let your children with strangers in a strange home/strange country? I don't think so....
My children , my choice, full stop
Grandparents were hurt as they wanted to "play grandparents" but they are adults and responsable for their own emotions. I am responsible for my children.
Oh, and guess what, 5 years later they haven't come to visit. It's always us doing the visiting. My advice to you OP, when it comes to the children, you decide, don't let anyone drag you into doing sthg you are not prepared to do.

You've offered them both to stay where you're staying and they've refused.

You've offered an open door policy for them.

You've done more than enough.
It's up to them now.

If you have offered for then to stay with you at your fil then they are being very unreasonable. No chance would i let my children stay over night with people they barely know. Plenty of room at your Fil they can stay there with you.

my DD1 doesn’t even allow my husband to bathe her or put her to bed
your child is far too young to be ruling the roost and ‘allowing‘ her parents to do anything.

But agree that your parents’ sound a bit naive here.

Yanbu about the grandparents but

my DD1 doesn’t even allow my husband to bathe her or put her to bed. He is allowed to read a story with us, but then he has to leave.

This is an issue, assuming your husband is DD1 father. You shouldn't be letting a 3 or 4 year old dictate which parent is "allowed" to bathe them/read story/put to bed, you are in charge! How sad for her dad.