To ask how you made friends in your thirties

[PandaWorld]

I don't have kids and am single so kind of excludes me from a lot.
I am also shy and nervous.
I do find a lot of people my age aren't that bothered about meeting new friends as are too busy with young families.
I am so lonely and really want to meet new people.

I met a lot of people through courses that I did, especially self development courses. What are you interested in OP? I'm now in my 50s and have recently met new people through a book club, a women's group, a painting class and Zumba. You do have to put yourself out there, but if you do things you're interested in you'll meet like minded people. If you like walking that might be good, or you could find a drama group and help with behind the scenes work? Good luck!

i found a new hobby that had a local meeting group that met every few weeks, and slowly made friends that way.

I go to a choir and tennis lessons.

I agree with doing something you’re interested in.
When I was in my twenties I joined things to try and make friends. That didn’t work.
In my 30s I joined things I was really interested in. That way, if I was feeling shy and hadn’t got to know anyone yet, I still enjoyed the activity.
The best thing has been my book group. We talk about books obvs, but also other stuff. We’ve got to know each other over a long period of time. It used to be just once a month, but we do lots of extra social things now - theatre, walks, bookshop outings, concerts, etc. We have a very active WhatsApp group. We’re even going on a weekend away together! I’ve become quite close to some of them now. But it was a very slow burn thing. Worth it.

Yoga, craft group, work, online

A hobby group.

With the old MN cliche of "I can't tell you what or it'd be outing" 🤣

This is very good advice.

Friends take time.

What are you interested in? Running, reading, board games, becoming a councillor??? Find something that appeals to you - or more than one thing - and that will start to become part of your community and in time build friends. Joining anything purely to make friends is a hiding to nothing. You need to figure out yourself and what you’re interested in first.

You need to find a scene and go out to it. Dancing, a sport, a craft? The meet up app can be good.

All the new friends I made in my thirties were through work.

I would say as well that a really important thing is to open to making friends with people of all ages, not just people the same age as you.

The only new friends I made in my 30s were through work.

I’ve joined quite a few meet up groups through Instagram. Believe me there are a lot of women in their 30’s who want to make friends. The groups I’ve joined go for meals etc (I’ve been once as not in the right headspace) but they fill up so so fast. They have branched out and doing different chats for various interests. Like I said I haven’t made friends yet just because I’ve not really been attending regular

when I moved to a new city, I joined a meetup group and met lots of people that way

Some people seem to pick up friends at the supermarket, but for most it is hard once into thirties. It’s a horrible cliche and not what you want to hear if it’s not your style, but you really do have to put yourself out there.

That doesn’t just mean joining groups and meetups. It means asking people you feel you get on with if they’d like to swap numbers and arrange a coffee, a walk, whatever. It means contacting them to arrange it. And maybe doing the same the next time.

It might feel like you’re doing all the running, and you’ll worry you’re bothering people. But thirtysomethings can get lazy about socialising and it often does end up being one person’s job to arrange everything. It’s annoying but the alternative is you never see anyone.

You'll get lots of comments telling you to do activities/courses/hobbies which is very true. I would also say that you should take the pressure off yourself. Friendships happen naturally and take time.

Having acquaintances is also something nice - I have a lot of women who I have met through sports activities and meet up with for coffees, lunch etc but would consider them surface level friendships as we wouldn't for example go on holiday together. Some of these have developed into deeper friendships and some won't but I still really appreciate having this circle of women in my life.

I suppose a bit like romantic relationships, friendships can develop when you aren't necessarily looking for them.

I think this is a really good point, along with the one about how long it takes.

I joined a hobby group 2.5 years ago, I did want to make friends but I also wanted to do something new and pick up a new skill. Having interests, whatever they are, makes you more interesting. So even if you don't meet friends at the hobby group, it gives you something to talk about when you meet other new people.

I have made a couple of friends but only recently. But I've enjoyed learning, enjoyed the social interaction and met loads of nice people, even if they're only ever going to be one night a week friends. It all contributes to a sense of community. And it doesn't need to be a class, say you fancy indoor rock climbing. You might be content doing it on your own rather than joining a class, but if you go the same time each week you'll get to recognise and exchange the odd greeting with people who also go at that time. That's also community. It might lead to a full friendship too.

I found some people online to form a rock band. The most amazing fun and great for socials!

Clubs. Go on eventbrite and look for local events. Go regularly and speak to the person next to you. Take their details if you have a decent chat and go for coffee.

If you do have any relationships at all, invite them for coffee or at yours for a catch up.

I am now 60 and my closest friends I have known since my 30s . Mainly through work .

All the friends I made in my thirties (after moving to a new area) were people who were neighbours, or I met in the local pub, or through my bf who I got together with in my 30s.

One of my single friends does yoga and seems to go on all sorts of yoga retreats with women she’s met there.

Joined a local sports club. It's a team sport so making friends is sort of inevitable. Didn't think of myself as someone who would enjoy this sport either so my advice is give things a go even if you don't think you'll be into it. You never know!