To think we may not be able to afford another child?

[Southernbelle19]

Hello! I keep seeing threads about finances where joint incomes are well over 100k but people are still having to make big sacrifices, especially where there are kids involved.

My partner and I earn a joint income of around 70k, about 35k each. My partners is unlikely to increase as he's self employed and the type of work he does will likely not bring in more money unless he ups his fees, but he would price himself out of the competition if he did this. I'm more likely to receive a promotion but the area of work I'm in this would mean taking on a lot more responsibility, and while we have young children I don't want to do this and I am actually hoping to drop to 30 hours.

Anyway, we currently have an eight year old and a baby on the way. Mortgage is around £1k then there's bills, general living costs. We are OK but don't have much spare for things like holidays.

Ideally I would love to have a third child eventually, but am I being silly thinking we can afford this? I know my older child will start getting a lot more expensive as they get older, as will the others. Do other people manage on a similar income? We don't mind things being a little tight but don't want to struggle.

Thank you xx

In all honesty I would struggle with that salary and not getting pay rises. For me it would be easy to stay with one and many people are doing just that. Bottom line it is the children who would suffered from this. However, many people would come and tell you is more than doable. You are the only one who would bear the responsibilities. The government help is unsustainable due to the large number of people on benefits. It is there at the moment but not a certain thing going forward.

Personally I wouldn't have a third child in your situation, for a range of reasons including finances.

You say eventually, you’re not saying right now, so don’t worry about the future by assessing your finances right now.

If this is something that you both want, that would make you feel your family is complete then don’t disregard it. It means though that you may have to make adjustments to make it work. But that’s life isn’t it?

Ask yourself this question - would you rather have 2, be able to have a few holidays and days out and pay for them to do a couple pf clubs, or three and struggle with the above? Because I think on your income, that's the situation you will face.

We did 3 children when I was on 36 and my husband on 75. Our mortgage was 1600. I also had childcare to pay for (200 a month each for the eldest 2 and 550ish for the youngest). I wouldn’t say I ever felt poor as such, but have been very careful to budget. We have no debts like cars to pay for. We have been on holidays and do eat out. Husbands salary went up considerably when youngest was 1.5 which made things easier, then we got free childcare which got even better. That said, I’ve now gone down to part time so my salary has dropped quite a bit. Now you get childcare paid for from much younger, I can’t see that day to day costs would be much larger.
the big expenses we’ve had - houses. We now need a 5 bed which are a lot more expensive. Holidays are a pain in backside work find that accomodate 5 of us and typically more expensive. Most cars (even ones that you think will) will not accommodate 3 kids. Whilst I know your eldest wouldn’t be in a car seat, they wouldn’t fit between 2 car seats comfortably these days.

Depends on what sacrifices you're willing to make. We had three and relied on DH's salary alone for six years, but we're not profligate, had no large debts apart from the mortgage, ran an old car, camped or stayed with friends or family on holidays. But most of the people around us were doing the same thing. Have since put all three through uni (on basic loans) and finally have some money to spend. DD might have been a first class musician, had we been able to afford music lessons earlier, DS1 could have been a Premiership footballer, had we been able to afford the academy fees and DS2 could have, well could have done lots of things, but we'll never know. They've turned out fine, are quite happy and content, and very cheap to entertain.

I think it’s not really up to us - it’s up to what you want for yourself and your kids. More kids means less for the 4 of you. It’s a really personal choice and there is no wrong or right. I personally wouldn’t if that helps

We were considerably better off than you, but stopped at 2. I think it’s quite irresponsible to have a 3rd child if you can’t comfortably afford it.

If neither of you are looking at career progression, you need to be aware that in real terms your salaries will go down over the years.

Yes. Y not.

We earn the same amount. Me, 45k (I have much room to progress though) and DH 30k (Self employed and not much, if any room to progress). We are sticking with one!

We have two and DH earns just over £50k and I earn £22k but am PT/3 days a week. No debt other than mortgage which is ~£1k a month. We keep coming back to should we have another but ultimately I think we won't and a big reason is finances. A close friend is having a third with a household income of less and significant debt (on top of the mortgage) but she really desperately wants another, whereas I am in the middle so it makes me think I probably don't 😂

I think it depends how much you want to give them too. If you want them to do activities/sports/extra curriculars etc, driving lessons, uni, house deposit then obviously that all costs a lot more per child and this is partly our reasoning - that in today's world, it is so difficult to get on the housing ladder that we'd rather be in a position to help our two afford it, than to have a third.