Nagging or not?

[Snoringdogsfarting]

DH has the habit of wearing a T-shirt or whatever once then leaving in a pile over the chest of drawers on his side of the bedroom. I asked him this morning to sort said pile out - put it away or in the wash. He responds with “I leave stuff there that I’ve only worn once and don’t want to put it in the wardrobe in case it smells”. Wtf! Put it in the f’ingwash if you think it might smell! He told me to stop nagging. How is telling the git to either tidy or launder being a nag?
Am I unreasonable to ask him to sort his (potentially dirty)stuff out one way or another? Which actually WILL be dirty as it’s been worn 🤦🏽‍♀️
He’s now singing a stupid song about me being an unreasonable nag,which I’m 100% not!

Well no adult should "tell" another adult to do anything. I mean it's stupid what he's doing they should go in the wash or away, but telling him what to do isn't they way forward.

Shawdee I do say that I asked him - I said telling him later in my post but I did ask him. Here we go. This is why I’ve lurked for years and only just recently posted a couple of times.

Also my husband is far far from stupid

aaargh!! Why do they do this shit!! Mines worst habit is leaving his stuff all over the dining room chairs and table…coats, fleeces, backpacks, glasses. I’ve had enough and I’ve told him anything left there in future will be thrown out of the patio doors!
I work full time and work bloody hard to keep our house clean and tidy so I’m just not putting up with it any more!

Here we go, this is why you don't really post....are you messing? Off 1 answer that's your reaction?!

I agree above but I also agree with you. You can't tell him what to do, you also can't just move the pile yourself as that's enabling him

So I'd be phrasing it somewhere along the lines, can you move that pile (do with it as you wish) as it makes my environment messy and impacts my day, my ability to relax in this room. He can't minimise your feelings about it (as that makes him the dick), put the action back to him to solve. suggest another basket these go in or something, just so they move from where they are?

Also, I didn't say HE is stupid. I said it's stupid what he's doing. Sorry what do you want me to say, awww that's amazing what he's doing? Well you obviously think it's stupid too otherwise why have you posted? I didn't once say HE Is stupid.

Sorry but I consider that nagging. My dh does this too.l though but I really couldn't care less.

Unless the pile is a real inconvenience to you then yes it does seem a bit naggy to tell another adult to change how they do something. If it's just that you don't seeing the pile of clothes (I wouldn't!) then that's a you problem. In that situation I just sort things for my DH. His method works for him sometimes and it's not his fault that I don't like how things look - so rather than tell him to change how he does things I just change how I react.

I think yabu I have a chair in my room for lightly worn things that I might wear again and that's my choice dh doesn't get involved.

He’s now singing a stupid song about me being an unreasonable nag,which I’m 100% not!

Yuk. That would make me never want to have sex with him again.

It is perfectly reasonable to ask another adult to tidy up their mess. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss issues without one person accusing the other of being nasty.

How is your DH otherwise? Just wondering because my DP was like this and it was part of his domestic abuse.

Guess if he doesn't sort it he'll run out of clean shirts. Though that still means you have to live with a pile of clothes. How about putting a laundry basket near where he dumps stuff and just say dump it in there instead?
But no, unless you say it every morning it's not nagging. But ignore the pile see what happens.

Who does the laundry?

I don't tolerate this from DH, but that's because he does zero laundry. I have a laundry system that involves doing a load every day, and the rest of the family know that anything needing washing needs to go straight into the laundry basket as soon as it's removed from their body. If they follow this rule, the item will be promptly washed and dried and returned (folded!) to their room within 24-48 hours.

DD has always followed the rule beautifully.

DH used to try the nonsense described by the OP, hanging jeans and hoodies and overshirts on the back of the bedroom door 'in case he decides to wear it again before washing'. But in reality he never did this. And without warning I'd find the entire pile dumped in the laundry basket all at once, when he couldn't even work out what he was going to re-wear and just chucked it all for washing. WHICH MESSED WITH MY SYSTEM. So he was told. And now HE OBEYS THE SYSTEM. 😊

He didn't accuse me of being a nag, because he appreciates that he gets a very good deal given that all he has to do it chuck his stuff straight in the wash every day. I even iron his sodding work shirts (and yes, my inner feminist HATES me for that).

Putting t-shirts on the drawers for possible re-wear is gross though. If a man has worn a t-shirt for long enough that he doesn't want to put it back in the wardrobe/drawer in case it smells, i.e. done more than just try it on and change his mind, then it's dirty. It needs a wash. SO PUT IT STRAIGHT IN THE DAMN WASH. 😜

Yeah my husband does this but leaves it in a pile on the floor in our bedroom! He's very helpful around the house though so I kinda put this down to an annoying lazy habit of his

Is it stuff he is going to wear again?

Nagging is a misogynistic term men made up for women asking them to do stuff, usually any kind of stuff in the home.

Yes, me too. I wear some things more than once. Then when i annoy myself too much I tidy things away . My husband does similar on a chest thing . Im probably slightly worse if I’m honest .