Is he really ill?

[notn]

I am mid divorce. We have been trying to sell the house and move on, but unfortunately the sale has recently fallen through, so it’s back to the start. I have taken myself away for a month as his behaviour was becoming even more difficult than before. He barely sleeps bad is angry and bitter, we have very few positive interactions.
He has now messaged to say he is having an MRI as doctors are worried about him. He is quite a hypochondriac and I am sure he has told his doctor many overblown symptoms. However I am now concerned that he may be ill. Am I being unreasonable to continue divorce proceedings and house sale if this is the case? Is his poor behaviour due to illness or is it just poor behaviour?

Keep going with the divorce.

If he's ill he's ill but you started the divorce for a reason and that won't have improved. Sounds like it's a delaying tactic rather than actual illness.

MRIs aren’t done for no reason, they would have to think the benefit outweighed the risks of the scan.
Even if he is ill there is no reason you can’t push forward with your plans though. The 2 things aren’t related IMO.

Don’t stop just because he has a medical appointment booked, it could turn out to be nothing and you will have to start over again. If it does show up something, you can reevaluate the situation. Unless he’s been put on a 2 week pathway for MRI he could be waiting months for this appointment, so I would crack on with selling the house.

Has he said why an MRI has been ordered?

Carry on with the divorce. Carry on with selling the house. Just because he is ill doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold forever. If it turns out he's seriously ill he can ask adult social care for disability aids and carers etc, just like everyone else who is single and ill.

Press on. At the moment, he’s well enough to deal with the divorce. Make the most of it.

MRIs are not reserved for life threatening illnesses.

Even if he is ill,doesn't negate all the reasons you wanted the divorce. Probably a delay/manipulative tactic to make you feel sorry for him and treat him with empathy and sorrow.

There are no risks with an MRI scan, there is no radiation like a CT. It’s all magnets. So unless you are American and carrying a gun in your back pockets and don’t say yes to “any metal on you” then you’re grand. Contrast is heavy metal if you want to go down a rabbit hole but they’re safe. Just less MRI scanners and take longer and look for different things than CTs

@notn carry on with the divorce. People get ill and you aren’t going to care for him if he is ill. You are getting divorced for a reason. He might genuinely be ill but not your problem.

You've only got his word for it that he's even having an MRI

There is no reason at this stage to stop anything. Carry on as you are and wait and see. If he is seriously ill, it shouldn't change the outcome of divorce but may change the speed and timing, depending on what needs to be done.

He might be ill or he might not. That doesn't alter how he has behaved. Illness is not a reason to treat someone horribly. Move on with your life.

I put off my divorce (years ago) because exDH. told me he had cancer. Weeks later it turned out to be something caused by the sun, on his ear and it took me years to get the momentum of divorce going again!

IF your DH is truly ill all will be revealed shortly. Just carry on with the process and even if you’re divorced you can still reach out to him if he needs sorting out a bit or support he struggles to get from others.

It would be the humanitarian thing to do but don’t let it get in the way of your next steps to a new future.

Move in with your life, whether he's ill or not.

Some interesting responses here. All suggest I carry on. I was thinking that maybe his bad behaviour was due to a neurological issue, but then again the behaviour has been bad for years, it just got worse in the last two. The main issue is his legs. As someone wisely said, he will have to pay for the care he thinks it’s my job to provide.

If you believe his behaviour over the years has been because he's ill, do you really think his behaviour will suddenly improve with a diagnosis? Because that is all you are likely to get, he won't be cured, so he will be ill with a diagnosis and nothing will really change.

And if his behaviour doesn't change why are you thinking of staying?

I would move on
You don't know if he's unwell but if he was would it change your feelings?
He's an ex for a reason

This may seem harsh but I’d speed up with it all - you want to leave him and the sooner the better if he’s going to need looking after - you are not the person to do this

I've had an MRI. So has DH. In both cases it was for a bad back.

Not life threatening.

Press on with the divorce. He's not your problem anymore, even if he's at death's door (which I'm pretty sure he's not).