Phased return to work

[Newjobneeded]

I need an AIBU although I know I need a checkup from the neck up but you lovely women can help me get through this I'm sure.

I have been signed off work with stress in the workplace for the last 2 months due to bullying from my manager (he has now moved department) and from a very outspoken colleague and her minion.

I am returning to work today as part of a phased return and I really don't want to go. I feel nervous and worried and I'm panicking. My lovely new manager is making the trip to the office to be with me and we will be having a 3 hour meeting with the rest of the team! (She is usually not office based but floats about the other offices and working from home)

3 hours of meeting in my frame of mind after what was done to me by them ( months of verbal assault, swearing, belittled my work constantly, incorrectly inputting data into the spreadsheets and blaming me (isn't excel history great!) stealing my personal things, and so on) I'm absolutely dreading going back. AIBU to think that it's too much to expect on my 1st day back? Is sitting in a meeting from 12-3 (no lunch provided!) On your 1st day back from sickness caused by bullying too much or to be expected?

Please hold my hand today because I'm dreading it but I have tonic in the fridge, lime in the fruit bowl and ice in the freezer and a beautiful bottle of mermade gin to look forward to when I get home! I also have a big bag of whatsits and a bag of jelly babies to munch on!

As a manager myself this is certainly not something i would put on a phased return colleague, what the heck is going to take 3 hours to discuss with the whole team? Good luck OP

Thank you. It seemed odd to me but HR and my manager said its the way it will have to be. I am unsure if each person will be brought in individually or as an entire team ether way I hate the thought of it.

I assume you had a conversation with OH and agreed your RTW duties and hours before coming back?
It is a tricky situation because, on one hand, you probably agreed with the RTW plan and, therefore, it appears to be reasonable. On the other hand, if you are having such strong emotional reactions, I would be questioning if you are ready to come back or if you need additional adjustments which were not discussed with OH.
I help people with reasonable adjustments for a living and my advice to people before they go back to work is to assess whether they are ready to go back and what RTW schedule is realistic for them and feasible for the employer. If employer cannot accommodate what is realistic for the employee, then employee can't return just yet. But equally, the employee should discuss honestly and openly what is realistic for them at the RTW stage in order to give the employer a chance to meet their expectations.
If there is a mismatch between the two, then it leads to failed RTW.
So my question to you would be whether you were entirely honest with your GP and OH before you agreed to go back and whether hours and specifics duties were agreed before starting. Because if you didn't specify that you can't do meetings until week x, then they wouldn't have made a plan to excuse you from them.

Thank you for your very well put reply.

OH have not been involved because my company it's not needed! My GP after hearing why I was off is happy to contimh sock not as long as needed but I felt that this was about tbe tome that I needed to get back.

Work have given me a months phased return but there was no plan and it's lead by me to the extent that I choose the days and hours I work for a month then after that I'm back full time.

My manager is on holiday for half of my phased return which is not helping me at all and I have no access to managment that I know when she is gone.

It sounds as though more planning should have been happening before today and that the timing of the RTW is not ideal as your manager is on AL.
What I would suggest is to go in and then have a discussion with your manager afterwards. You need a firmer plan not only about hours but also about duties and support available to you. The absolute worst case scenario is that you go in and then have to go off sick again because you cannot cope and there is no contingency plan. This is of no benefit to you or the employer.
They cannot simultaneously say you are in charge of your RTW and that you have to be somewhere at a certain time for certain duties. This needs to be firmed up some more. There needs to be clarity around expectations from both sides.
I am hoping that employees who were bullying you got disciplined so will be on their best behaviour and the meeting may not be as bad as you are expecting. But you are not off to a good start with this flexible RTW arrangement so definitely work out a proper plan with your manager this afternoon.

Tell her how you're feeling! That the thought of a 3 hour meeting is making you stressed.

There was a grievance but all that happened was a chat it wasn't even recorded by HR and mh manager was given no direction or guidance on this!

I was meant to have a call with her yesterday about what the day will consist of but she was too busy and said she couldn't call me. I got very little sleep last night I'm in my car witb a coffee trying to avoid a full panic attack.

I have but was told that it's what will be happening and that it's not option if we want to move forward. I asked fir the meeting to be on teams but was told this needed to happen in person.

That was absolutely awful. One of the team has taken over my desk and is refusing to leave it. My manager has asked her to move but she is refusing sayingshe likes it more than hers. My manager said that she can't make her move! She said she can ask her but its uoto her if she wants to listen! Am I right in saying this is not welcoming behaviour and is infact bullying?

It's not ideal but no, I wouldn't class it as bullying. If you're not ready to go back to work and your GP will continue to sign you off then it may be better to take some more time to build up your resilience.

It’s not bullying but it is quite a bizarre level of subordination. I am guessing as lovely as your manager is, she is not a very effective one. Clearly everyone knows that they can behave in whatever way they like and there will be no repercussions, not even if you raise a grievance. I’d consider looking for another job.

I don’t know what kind of outfit you work for where a bully manager is simply moved and two bully team members don’t get formal disciplinary but it does not sound right.

For context, my 16yo school child works in a small independent shop and someone was given a written warning for grabbing a colleague.

The meeting - far too long. Perhaps they were going for a “clearing the air” idea, agree it’s better done in person but a bit overwhelming for first day back - especially three hours!

The desk - meh, it’s not yours, and anyone can sit there I daresay, most places hotdesk to a certain extent or if a group are doing same job together it’s a first come first serve situation. Unless desks are allocated by someone as a permanent arrangement I don’t really think that’s a big deal. You’ve not been there for a while and someone has claimed it as their favoured choice. Just make sure and plop your bum in it the days you arrive first. Be assertive. After all, if it’s not your desk it can’t be ring fenced for your colleague either.

Sounds as if your manager doesn’t have much authority. Is the desk claimer one of the bullies?

It's absolutely bizarre to me to just about refuse to go back to your desk when you manager tells you to.

Should I jusy sit at the other desk that is
a) too small for me it's low and I would be uncomfortable
b) on the edge of the office so it would be harder for me to feel part of the team
c) is not my desk

I really feel that the team are trying to force me out of my job and managment are not helping me to slot back in. I do need to look for a new job but I'm part way through a qualification that I need to be employed here to do!

@Newjobneeded Yes. It sounds like you've had a hard time, but you're an adult and being paid to work and you should be able to slot back in without too much handholding. This is not to say that your manager shouldn't be supporting you, but from the small amount of information you've given, you sound like you're being hard work and are overreacting to minor things.

It is bizarre to refuse to do as your manager asks, and bizarre that she's not taking it further. But it's not worth rocking the boat.

I was returning to work after a grievance against some members of the team where they were found as being at fault and have had action taken against them. I was not found to be at fault. I'm returning to what was a very toxic office with 2 very aggressive teem members.

I returned and checked with my manager that I woukd be able to return to and sit at my desk with my things. This would have made today easier on me and instantly put me back in the team. Unfortunately they have nog even bothered setting up the girls desk and there wasn't even a chair there so I wasn't able to even sit in the office. I was outside while they talked about me (yes I found hear) and when my manager asked why the girl was still at my desk and told her to move to her assigned desk she was told that she wpuld not be moving from my desk and that ig was hers now. I heard her say she didn't want me there and wouldn't move for me!

This is not me being tricky or anything it's me being pushed out of a team by 2 women who are bullies and being managed by someone who is lovely but unable to manage a team. J