If you think I’m making this up?

[Ethanny]

I was with my ex for a very long time (10 years) I’m 30 so it feels like I knew him for my whole life.

We broke up. It was a painful, dragging experience. It was bad for a very long time.

After we broke up we tried to be friends, but it didn’t work. I was waiting on him to change his mind and come back to me.

Eventually I decided to go no contact. And I feel like that my brain is finally making sense of what happened.
He used me, he was gaslighting me. He kept giving less and less into the relationship while I tried to give more and more to keep us afloat.
He made it look like that he was the nicest/ helpful guy - which he is but he uses this to cover the fact that he was cruising, shutting me out, making me feel irrelevant and not worth of love. Making me feel ugly and stupid and not enough. Making me feel less than anyone else ever.

I’m just wondering if I am just making this up though… or if it’s the truth.

Only you know

None of us can tell you what happened in your relationship.

It could be true or it could be your reaction to a normal relationship breakdown.

Whether he deliberately made you feel ugly and stupid or whether you felt ugly and stupid because he no longer wants to be with you is impossible to say unless you have examples of things he said/did.

You are not making this up. He’s a spineless gutless narcissist.

If the relationship wasn’t working for him one way or the other then he should have been man enough to end things amicably.

As it stands he wasn’t. He wasted your precious time and broke your heart.

You are strong, you will heal. Head up, shoulders straight and don’t give him another second of your precious time

It’s your truth.

I’m not sure it matters if this was his conscious intent or whether you felt this way because your partner had stopped loving you — if you’re struggling to come to terms with things, therapy might be good.

Agree with others.

Whether he was pulling away and intended to hurt you through gaslighting or you feel this way since breaking up - if the relationship wasn't working for him he shouldn't have been a gutless wonder and should have ended it.

It's so cruel to allow someone to cling onto something you know doesn't exist.

I agree with therapy if you have the funds.

I could have written this myself five years ago, exactly the same. So no I don't think it's made up.

Stop looking back, you can't change it, and even more worryingly you may develop rose coloured glasses and gaslight yourself making it all your fault and go back to the past.

Stop looking back, you look to the present and the future. Nothing good comes from looking in the rearview.

Get a hobby, learn a skill, work on you, do anything but look back wondering.

You're not making it up. You obviously felt that way enough to get out, but the gaslight is strong, making you doubt, making you wonder. Don't minimise your own thoughts and happiness in favour of someone else. Knock it on the head, right now. it's done. Look forward with knowledge of your past to not get sucked in to the same tricks.

It's really common to not start putting the pieces together and realising you were in a toxic relationship until you're out of it and safe. I think it's a form of self-protection in a way.

I don’t think you’re making it up. It’s how you feel.

He might see things very differently but, essentially, it doesn’t matter what he thinks, does it? Presumably you aren’t planning on staying in each other’s life, so the only thing that really does matter is that you take the time you need to heal.

Only you know the answer to that. No one on here knows you, your ex or your relationship. People can easily say an opinion from what you’ve said here but obviously that’s just going to be going along with what you’ve said. If this is truly how you feel he was why waste anymore time thinking about it? The relationship is done, you’ve gone no contact just move on and be happy