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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have started an argument over four quid

13 replies

unclefluffy · 16/04/2008 10:47

When I put it like that, it's obvious that I was being unreasonable... Oops. This is my first post after a long time lurking, so I was hoping not to solve the question in line one. Anyhoo - I love this section of the board so will carry on regardless.

Currently staying in temporary accommodation, moving out tomorrow. I was trying to arrange for the return of our deposit and asked for a cheque rather than having the deposit put back on a company credit card, which just creates paperwork. Landlady said she would take off the 4 quid transaction charge. I said she was being unreasonable. She said she was being very reasonable, and that her service was perfectly acceptable. I disagreed. She put the phone down on me. Ten minutes later she appears on the doorstep. After a little toing and froing, we establish that she will need our forwarding address to return the deposit (minus the 4 quid - I have stopped arguing by this time). As I write down the address, she asks me if I am pregnant. I refuse to answer, saying that it's a very personal question. She explains that pregnant women are often moody, which is why she asked. I become... er... annoyed. I AM in fact 10 weeks pregnant, and have received bumf from my midwife, which has been sitting on the coffee table in the flat. However, we haven't actually told anyone - not our mothers, not our best friends, not anyone. The cleaner is the daughter of the landlady. I conclude that daughter has told mother that I am pregnant. I tell landlady that she and her daughter shouldn't have been talking about me behind my back. Landlady explodes (I wish). Soooo... To cut a long story short, I complained about what I thought was poor service, at which point everything got really weird. Where does the balance of unreasonableness lie? (Assuming that I already wish I'd never said anything, and in fact that I'd just stayed in bed this morning!)

OP posts:
bohemianbint · 16/04/2008 10:50

I don't think you are - and if someone asked me right now if I was just moody because I'm pregnant I'd be less than receptive...Bit crap her daughter mooching round and telling her mum your business. Well, maybe that's what happens, but she should have been a bit more discreet that to come back and quiz you about it!

chubbymummy · 16/04/2008 11:02

Erm..... not quite sure what to say.
Landlady sounds like a nosey old bag to me, but her daughter is to blame, she really shouln't have said anything to her mother about you being pregnant! As an employee she should know that if she sees pregnancy related materials/ sex toys/ porn magazines whilst she is cleaning then she should be discreet and keep quiet. Unless you have told her directly that you are pregnant then she had no right to pass on that information!

missyhissey · 16/04/2008 11:04

No I don't think you're being unreasonable.
It was petty of the landlady to take the £4 off you and extremely tactless of her to ask you about pregnancy, it's none of her business. I'd have been pissed off too.

unclefluffy · 16/04/2008 11:12

Of course, I'm now wishing it had been sex toys rather than pregnancy booklets...

Until the pregnancy question arose, I happily kicking myself for starting an argument so early in the morning. Afterwards, I was all righteous indignation. I love righteous indignation. Perhaps if the flat had been a little cleaner, or if the landlady's husband hadn't taken one look at my non-white partner and said, "You're not English are you?" when we moved in, none of this would have happened!

OP posts:
fiodyl · 16/04/2008 11:38

just b glad u r moving out.
u dont need ppl like this in your life

oydal · 16/04/2008 11:42

YANBU

What an ole bag!!
Glad to hear your moving out!

TenaciousG · 16/04/2008 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2GIRLS · 16/04/2008 12:23

When I was pregnant I would fight with myself, so since you're preggars - no YANBU .

In fact any pregnancy induced hormonal entirely rational outburst of anger is fine.

BouncingTurtle · 16/04/2008 12:40

She sounds like a right ignorant cow, you are well shot of her!
Congrats by the way!

wingandprayer · 16/04/2008 12:46

YANBU. No bank I know of charges £4 for a cheque transaction, even for a business one, probably 50p at most, so she is taking the piss. It would take her longer to process a cc transaction that write a cheque out. Legally she can't withold money from your deposit unless it's for damage or one of the other reasons as laid out in your contract.

And yes, you are right also to be mad about cleaner's lack of discretion and landlady's lack of tact. Good riddance to them, hope you're happy in your new home.

unclefluffy · 16/04/2008 12:54

Ooh, Tenacious - I just KNEW there was something I should have said. I've been rolling a couple of possibilities around in my mind, but that one's classy! I was working along the 'like mother like daughter' and 'explains where she learnt her manners' lines, but I know from MN that chucking insults at the kid is always a bad idea - even if she's in her 30s!

And thank you Bouncing - for the congrats if not the neighbour's friend's hairdresser's childminder!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 16/04/2008 13:10

I would have been tempted to deny I was pg and watch her squirm and look puzzled. She could hardly say "oh but my daughter saw your maternity notes!"

Congrats by the way, and all the best in your new home. p.s. Didn't know you were pg until Bouncing's milkman's daughter's teacher's dog told me.

KelaS · 16/04/2008 13:22

She sounds like a nightmare!! Bet you are glad you are leaving

Love the nickname btw (assuming the reference I think it is )

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