Cancelling plans with friends as I'm absolutely broke

[terracottafarm]

Hi all, I've got myself into a bit of a pickle and agreed to plans and realised, I can't afford it. I'm one of those friends who will always help others out, pay for a drink, cover an expense and always be there regardless.
But I've got into some debt from doing the house up and going on lovely holiday and simply can't afford it. I've had to cancel all my plans with friends for the remainder of this month as I have £25 to my name after paying said debts off.
My friends have offered to pay for my drinks and pick me up, but I can't help but feel horrendous guilt and a bit of a pity party as I've been honest why I can't come. I don't like taking money off people or being supported by others.
Have you ever had to cancel important plans simply because you can't afford it and felt the same way...

Just to note: they are also a bit pissed off I can't come after saying yes but offered to cover me anyway which has made me feel even worse

If you don’t have your own transport or public transport (eg to have one drink and a chat then leave) would stick to your position and stay in

Is this cash flow or just broke? Could you pay next time? I think it would be fine to be picked up and have a couple of soft drinks. Maybe not 3 courses and 5 cocktails.

They might be upset as they are looking forward to seeing you, but given that they have offered to still pay for you it seems like they really want you there. Are they the type to hold it against you or genuinely lovely people.

I have a car, but it's got hardly any fuel and I can't afford to put anymore money on my CC so said I can't make it there.

Nope, my best friend has offered to buy me a couple of drinks as she knows I love a drink or two when out and wouldn't hold it against me, just feel she's doing it because she feels sorry for me.

Thing is if someone else is the designated driver and you’re depending on them for transport, or worse waiting for people who are boozing to share a cab home, the evening could be long and you’ll feel limited by people paying for your drinks. If it’s food as well then that’s costly for whoever pays.

Im the friend who offers to cover others if they’re broke. If I offer it’s because I mean it. Bad finances happen to most of us. I think you should go.

No, just broke for this month and likely next until I get all my debt paid off. I'm just being uber careful and trying not to spend a penny

I happily cover broke friends because I can afford to and don't want to miss out on seeing someone I enjoy spending time with. Don't overthink it.

Why don't you invite them to yours instead and they can bring the wine & snacks?
True friends will just care about seeing you and understand about money issues.

Invite them to yours 🤷‍♀️

Half the times I was invited to stuff I used to have to turn it down due to fiscal fuckeditude.
Haha. Don't feel bad. You can't afford it.
If you can pay them back then take up their offer of shouting you. You sound like the type that would do the same for someone else if you could. If not then just arrange to see them when you've got a few quid.
I was always pleased that me and my mates got paid on different days/weeks so we could help eachother out a bit.
If they were being mean about it then you'd probably be best saving your money for a night out with someone less bitchy!

Not the same thing but I once had to opt out of a hen do that was becoming too expensive. I simply didn't have the money to participate. I didn't want to sponge off of anyone else. I was understandably made to feel bad as it was a hen do. The friendship disappeared after the wedding day (probably didn't put enough money in the card for the honeymoon)
I came to the conclusion that I only want friends who appreciate the time and effort I make for them rather than the financial contribution. Also I feel happy with my financial situation and not obligated to anyone else.
On the other hand, I have friends who are in masses of debt and participate in every social occasion and activity going and they dont stress about it.
So in short, do what makes you most happy.

I've offered this but they have already booked the table at the bar they are going too

I couldn't take money from friends knowing that I'd spent my own on a holiday, it wouldn't feel right.

No she's doing it because she wants your company and you'd do the same. You're letting them down.

Sounds like they really want to see you, accept their offer but don't go overboard with the drinks

You are 100% doing the right thing! Nights out are a luxury you can't afford at the moment so it's a no. It's nice of them to offer but you've said no, you'll be there for the next night out!

You've said you do the same, presumably have with these friends? So why not let them do it back?

This. Sounds like they already owe you the favour and now's the time to accept it back.

You've got a credit card. If you can pay it off completely next month, just stick a tenner of fuel on it so you can use it to go out with. It's not like you're in long term debt.

Ive been in your position before, it’s rubbish isn’t it!

I think if you can’t afford to go out- then don’t. It’s kind of your friends to offer to sub you a few drinks but what about taxis/bus fare etc etc.

Id say, make them realise how gutted you are to be missing out, but just explain your house atudd has wiped you out this month and you need to be careful next month too, until things have balanced out. And then invite them round to yours for a girly movie night- something that won’t cost anything.

I really hope they aren’t mad at you over this, real friends should be understanding of the fact we all have our good and bad months money wise!