Hearing aids

[Oldbellows]

Husband is getting older and deafer. But he will not do anything about it.
we seem to end up having petty arguments which stem from him not hearing what I’ve said. I lose count of the number of times I have to repeat myself every day, which is incredibly frustrating and then of course he says I am nagging.
A few days ago he said he didn’t want to fork out 2 grand for hearing aids which probably‘won’t work anyway’
So I did a bit of research and he can get a hearing test in Specsavers and free hearing aids as he is 65! I was sat next to him on sofa, and told him this. His reply? What did you say, didn’t hear you. Oh FFS! My point exactly!
How on earth do I get him to get this sorted- I’m sure if he could actually hear it would solve a lot of issues.

Don't talk really quietly. It is probably one of the most rage-inducing things for somebody to do to you, especially when it's deliberately to get one over on you - me and DP don't argue, we get along great - but the night where he'd spoken to me as I was going to sleep with my good ear on the pillow, then as I turned to hear him better and asked him to repeat it, he turned away and spoke, I then had to ask him to turn back and he turned the dim light off first - then once I was wide awake, sitting bolt upright in bed with the light full on (so guaranteed to be awake for another 4-5 hours) the foolhardy twit very clearly said The Words that nearly shortened his lifespan by 30 years.

'Doesn't matter'.

Now I've got my HA, he seems to have accepted that there are things I still won't hear even with it in, especially when there's noise all around completely overwhelming the speech.

I've tried explaining that whilst it helps at some frequencies, at others or when it's quieter or I'm near computers/monitors, all it does is make everything around me like they're all shouting or replaces the HSSSSSSSSS of the Tinnitus with the SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH of the hearing aid. And I literally ran away when I was caught by an unscheduled song with group clapping due to it sounding like I was being beaten around the head by 500 performing seals.

You appeared to be thinking that the people going to Specsavers were paying for their hearing aids.. You said "Why go to specsavers or boots- go to your local hospital! Ask for a GP referral. Don’t see why you would pay when they’re the same hearing aids privately"

I was a GP referral to Audiology at my local city hospital. I have never paid a penny. They are regularly upgraded and I can drop in any time to get them re-tubed or maintained. Amazing service.

My hearing aids are digital so via Bluetooth I can have great conversations on my mobile phone too. Clear as day.

Modern NHS hearing aids are amazing. I am so grateful for mine and the audiologists who help me get the best from them. ❤️

Sorry, I suppose some will be paying and some won’t. Not all areas have NHS services in Specsavers. I’ve come across lots of patients who seem to think that getting NHS services at Specsavers means they’ll get a ‘better’ hearing aid than if they come to us at the hospital as it’s provided by a private company.

That's what DH finds when he wears his hearing aids hence not wearing them all the time. Despite being all singing all dancing ones the don't really help in many situations.

I have one hearing aid from NHS, I went to Specsavers for a hearing test to prove I could hear fine and my kids were just being annoying. Yeah I'm hearing impaired one side.
One Blue tooth hearing aid later and I love it. TV is turned way down and I don't miss calls and texts as they ping in my ear. I can even talk on the phone and hear the conversation through the hearing aid.
Still waiting on an ENT appointment to see why my hearing has gone as it's a bit of a weird one.

You get exhausted and frustrated by your interactions with your DH. I get that. Those of us with hearing impairment get exhausted and frustrated by our interactions with everyone.

As @FindingMeno says I sometimes wonder whether people who don't need hearing aids should walk a mile in our shoes before calling us selfish if we don't wear our hearing aids.
They aren't the complete answer always and sometimes the frustration and overwhelm is difficult to live with.

@NeverDropYourMooncup gives other examples. If I had £1 for every time I've put in a huge effort only to be told 'it doesn't matter', I'd be rich.
For me the biggest difference made by hearing aids was not so much hearing better, it was no longer being exhausted by the constant effort it takes to live in a hearing world.

Hearing aids are not plug and play, they need effort, commitment and a good audiologist if they're going to be successful. Your DH needs to be motivated by what it's going to do for him if he's going to stay the course.

I had always had issues with my ears as a child and so my hearing was never great. However about 5 years ago my husband encouraged me to go to the doctors to get it checked as he felt it was a lot worse. I went to GP and then referred to hospital, I was told I needed one and could possibly go for two but I went with one only to see how I got on. When I walked out of the hospital everything seemed so loud and it took me several weeks to get used to wearing it.

When we went into lockdown I really struggled as I realised I was actually lip reading a significant amount of the time and couldn’t due to face masks, and the plastic screens didn’t help. I found it really isolating and had to take my husband with me to help me.
Post pandemic I went back and got the second one, this has made a big difference but as others have said it’s not a silver bullet. I do find being in large rooms/spaces with lots of background noises that I have to revert back to the lip reading but my life is significant improved with the hearing aids than without them.

I would recommend going to the doctors and getting them if offered. I did originally think about going private so that I could get more discrete ones but I really don’t see the point in paying £2.5k per hearing aid that needs replaced every 3-4 years. I was initially self-conscious but now I am totally blasé about them.

Hearing aids are not plug and play, they need effort, commitment and a good audiologist if they're going to be successful

And there will always be some people that they aren't successful for. I admit I got frustrated when DH got his and there are still some things he can't hear. He can't hear high pitched tones and the best hearing aids in the world aren't going to change that. He will never hear the smoke alarm (we have one that speaks), car alarm, birds singing etc. I can hold a conversation with him and he hears the majority of what I say but I know he won't pick up everything.

Really interesting info on this thread, thanks all. I wonder if I should try and make (and go to) an audiology appointment and see if they can adjust his new Bluetooth aids. I wonder if he can retrain his brain to adjust to the background noise again. He was always quite reserved and introverted but he is increasingly withdrawing from life / social situations which is sad and v difficult for my DMum

tell him that hearing loss adds to the possibility of dementia etc in old age, which is why i went straight out and got mine

My DH has worn hearing aids for the last 5 years, and they have made a world of difference (to the whole family!) He got his free on the NHS despite being 44 when he first got them, as he already had moderate to severe hearing loss. He recently got an "upgrade" to the bluetooth version, which he loves, but I find a bit odd, cos I can never be quite sure if he suddenly thinks I can understand Italian, or is doing his Duolingo practice!

I love mine- but I did pay for them because how they look mattered a lot to me and whether I would wear them or not.

It might not be a hearing problem but am having to ‘admit you have got older problem’. The best way to sell it is to get him to a free first appointment at Specsavers. Just to see…

The first appointment gave me an accurate overview of my hearing.. I was hesitant because it is hard to admit change but almost instantly I took to my hearing aids. I did have to have them adjusted a few times but after that they have been fab.

Even the NHS ones aren’t noticeable unless you’re looking for them. It was 3 years before I told my DC I had hearing aids - they didn’t have a clue.

This is honestly so true

I have never hid mine. Often I'll have my hair up so not hidden.
But people honestly just don't look close enough at your ears in daily life!

The amount of people at work who didn't know until someone told them! 😂