To decline this invitation?

[CriaBel]

I'm not close to my cousins, although we are living in London. All I've heard from them in recent years is an invitation (which never actually arrived) to a 40th party about 5 years ago which I heard about from my sister, and it was too late at that stage to go, and now an invitation to another cousin's big birthday, the invite came via another family member telling me about it and that I was welcome. We have never been close and don't see each for years at a time. I was surprised to receive latest invite but am inclined not to go - AIBU?

You haven't been directly invited so there's nothing to reply to?

If you would like to see your wider family then go. It doesn't sound like you do so just do nothing.

well it's up to you! Maybe its a chance to reconnect with your family and you might have fun!

Yes, I think it's the fact I haven't been directly invited bothers me a bit also.

What’s the issue? You don’t want to go, don’t go. Why would that be unreasonable?

To be fair I get pissed off too at not being invited directly to things. It always makes it feel like I was a massive afterthought. So I wouldn't feel bad about not going. I wouldn't care and I doubt they'd notice.

I agree with PP. You haven’t been invited, so there’s nothing to respond to.

You’ve received a half hearted third party message suggesting you’d be welcome but not a true invitation demonstrating that your presence was truly wanted.
Having said that, if you want to go, go. If you don’t, don’t give it a second thought.

Thanks, that's exactly how I feel.

I wouldn't go and wouldn't give it a second thought as you weren't personally invited

Just go, reconnect. Life is short

Exactly this. Less drama and politics makes a much happier life 😊

They are essentially just people you don’t know that well, why would you go?

My husband’s cousin lives in the same large city we live in. We are not friends, we don’t see her, she is getting married next month. My MIL keeps asking where the wedding is & if we are going but I just keep telling her that just because we live in the same city it doesn’t mean we know them and of course they haven’t invited us to the wedding because we are not friends with them.

Some people are close to their family, others are not, if you are not close that’s fine.

If I’m reading it right you haven’t actually been invited, so there’s nothing to decline. Just don’t go.

Oooo…I don’t like ‘passed on’ invitations and won’t go if I get one. I would be mortified if I was the cause of one of those stories where Aunt Mabel shows up with a bunch or uninvited people.

In my mind I wasn’t invited by the host so I don’t actually have an invitation to decline. (ETA; I don’t get mad about it I just think they haven’t invited me).

My MIL tried to do this once and despite her telling me “it’s fine” cousin John would love for you to show up at his wedding, I didn’t fall for it. (She was the type to do something like that).