To try and get out of doing a joint party?

[meltedchocolateandstrawberries]

My DC and their school friend share a birthday. At DC's party last year, their school friend's mum suggested that we do a joint party this year. I kind of said "oh yeah that'll be nice" (my first mistake but it felt awkward to say anything else!) and then it wasn't mentioned for months. She brought it up again towards the end of term which by then we'd decided what party we want to do for DC this year so I checked that she'd be okay with this kind of party. She was and we haven't mentioned it since. The party will be in October so I'm looking to book it now. However, I really don't want to do a joint party. She's very flakey with play date plans and I worry she'd be the same with the party. It also just feels awkward, I want to invite some of our family friends and cousins but then it gets awkward working out how much each of us pay. So how do I get out of it? I should've dealt with it before now but I honestly thought she'd just forget about it and it felt so awkward! I'm crap at dealing with these social situations🤦‍♀️

Tell friend that your family/DH family have surprised you - and they are organising a party? Said with a big smile…

We recently did a joint party, it was a nightmare, don't do it unless you really know the other parents and you have the same ideas and expectations. It was a fab party in the end but I didn't enjoy the planning process which is a shame as it should be fun.

Say that you’ve had more interest from family than you expected about celebrating DDs birthday and you are now obliged to invite too many relatives than works for a joint party.

I think you need to mention it sooner rather than later though otherwise it’s just unfair on the other child. October isn’t very far away and the mum needs time to think of and sort something else.

Just be an adult about it 'we've changed our minds and would like to do our own party - here's your child's invite'. No need to make excuses or make something up surely?

Some great suggestions thanks! I know I just need to be an adult about it but I just hate awkward situations. I'm gonna message her today.

I'm a coward too and would be fretting, but the best way is to be honest.

If you're not, it tends to open up negotiations.

Good luck 🤞🏾

Just be aware that you might find the other children go to her party not yours. Do you have enough children coming who don’t know the other child?

Do tell her when you're going to be having your party so that she can arrange something which doesn't clash.

I can see the new thread title in a few weeks -

“Was she a cheeky fecker re joint party?”

Mate, just save yourself the unhappiness.

As per pp wirh the change of plans excuse but also ensure that you choose different weekends

I agree with everyone else.
Message her to let her know.

"I realise there had been some vague mentions of doing a joint party but I don't think it will work due to family commitments, so we've booked a venue for {insert your dc's name}'s birthday on 5th. Though I'd let you know so hopefully we can avoid clashing for their shared friends and obviously {their dc's name} is invited if you want to put it in your diary"

All fait accompli, no discussion. Also avoids same situ next year which could occur if you make up excuses about family booking something for you.

Both DS and DD shared birthdays/ birthday week with school friends. We have done a number of joint parties or birthday events splitting the cost and avoiding their school friends having to choose which one to go to and then organised something separate for family. I know that's not in everyone's budget but avoids the dilemma. Also depends on how close the kids are and whether they want to share a party.

Be prepared to still ask the little friend to attend your big family party though - it might be that is all she had planned and could have had her heart set on it and has few friends..

I spoke to her and it's all been sorted. We're making sure our dates don't clash so all the kids invited (mostly their class) should be able to attend both. Thanks for the advice!