Someone died and I'm devastated

[hulahops88]

Just found out today my Nan died year ago today, none of my family bothered to tell me?

I have been estranged from them since 2020 due to Informing my aunt and uncles about my mum abuse towards me.

It was my mum mum who died!
Found out all the other family got. share of 2.4 million pounds! If my grandad was here today I would of got some of that,
I tried and tried to maintain contact and meet face to face once I spilt my secret!

And I tried many times to contact my aunt uncles to meet up and discuss this. Eventually they all blocked me!

In 2020 I was in contact with my Nan before the I contacted everyone regarding my mum abuse, I feel to this day - don’t believe a word of anything I say! My dad hasn’t had much contact due to them cutting contact with him as well! He is very angry principal of just being told and invited to the funeral would of course be wanted and needed for myself and my brother, who are devastated about losing their Nan!

My Nan 2 years after we told them
About my mum, basically changed the will,
Because we hadn’t been In contact for many years and doesn’t know if we married or had any children, that same year I was over my nans in the spring, so this is total BS, for me this was pushed to happen by one of my aunts or uncles.

In 2021 I sent letters to all family members on my mums side and they all ignored me!
So they was contact and birthday and Christmas cards, they knew where my dad lived and l both his numbers yet no contact.
When my mum died we invited lots of folks who hadn’t seen her for 5-10 years
Why couldn’t my family just allowed me to come to funeral and say goodbye??

How would you feel about this??
AIBU to to want to of been invited to a funeral of a family member at one stage I was really close to would see every Sunday!

I’m sorry for your loss OP. Your post is quite confusing so it is difficult to work out the timeline of events - I can’t work out whether you brought up your mum’s abuse of you after her death? Your brother was also NC so he was also not told about your nan’s passing? Either way you were NC with that side of the family and for whatever reason this was triggered by you informing them of the abuse (must be a lot more backstory to this). Maybe they felt it was unfair for you to make accusations after your mum had passed away. So it is understandable why they would not inform you - although I do think that it was harsh not to let you know at the time. YANBU to feel upset about it. You have had a shock and now you need time to grieve and remember your Nan and the happy times you shared when you were younger. You can’t dwell on the money - your Nan ultimately chose to change her will.

Really fucking hurts when the truth is that you were wronged, but the person who wronged you denies it, turns it on you, and convinces everyone else to side with them. And those who don’t don’t care enough to stand up for you. I get it. And them not including you in the will shows they don’t care or want you.

why wouldn’t this woman be sad? It’s awful op and I’m sorry your mum abused you and your family is shit. I get it.

I'm sorry your family didn't support you when you disclosed abuse. That must have been incredibly difficult. I think you need to accept the other difficult thing, which is that if your nan had wanted you to inherit from her she would have made her will to reflect that. Its a great deal of money in her estate and she would no doubt have dealt with this through solicitors and had opportunity to make her wishes known. Your best bet is to seek help to deal with the impact of these relationships and process your anger at how you've been treated. Holding on to it will hurt you more.

Most reasonable families fall out and still contact each other, especially if someone has died.

If op was abused by her mother her whole family sounds completely unreasonable.

I think the thing is they either don't believe you or don't want to believe you.

And then (in their minds) you continued to chase them after your mum died, to try as convince them. Whether they just didn't want to know or if they felt it was unfair because she wasn't there to answer what you were saying, doesn't really matter, but it's clear they didn't want to talk about it.
If they agree with you then they have to face up to the fact that your mum is not the person they thought (and when they've died that makes it harder) and they didn't help you when it mattered.

So it would be difficult for them to contact you, especially if there was clearly going to be an issue of you'd been cut out of the will, because the last contact they had with you was you saying this.
I'm not saying it was right, but I can see how it would have been much easier for them not to tell you than raise the situation again.

My siblings and I weren't informed of my either of my grandparents deaths. Some families are just shit.
As it's been over a year there sweet FA you can do but mourn in your own way.
Grief counselling/counselling may be helpful to you.

What are you actually mad about?

That you didn’t go to your nan’s funeral or that you didn’t get a share of the 2.4 million?

Very gently OP, if you go NC with your family, this is likely to happen. This is one of the reasons it is such a hard option. Not that it is not sometimes justified, or the best option for your MH. And not that it is not hard if your truth is never acknowledged or agreed to.

When my mother was dying, we tried really hard to contact my brother. He never replied. We told him when she died. He did not respond. When my step father dies I wont bother - he has obviously made his choice and I have to respect that.