Aibu to advise my DD to pursue nursing

[Southbound47]

DD is about to start yr11 so we have some time. She's interested in a Btec in healthcare after GCSEs as a route into a paediatric nursing degree post 18. I really think this would suit her, she'd make a brilliant children's nurse BUT with all the stories of how incredibly hard it is to be an NHS nurse should I actively support this (YANBU)? or should I suggest alternatives (YABU)? I would love to hear from some current nurses.

My daughter graduated last year and works in intensive care. She loves her job. The shifts are sometimes hard but she's off for 3 days now. The money is pretty good too. She's on more than some of her friends that have graduated. I think she is lucky with the team she works with though.

Thank you @sandycloud that's a very reassuring reply!

I’m a seasoned nursing professional.

My only hesitation is that you need to consider how emotionally resilient your DD is. Unfortunately, the NHS is full of bullies and a bullying toxic culture pervades many departments.

Obviously she might be lucky enough to avoid it, but it’s enough of an issue that it’s worth considering.

My own DD wasn’t interested in following my footsteps, but she’s tough as hell, so I wouldn’t have been worried about her. DS wouldn’t have got through his induction.

If my DCs expressed an interest in a career in healthcare I would strongly discourage it (having done the job for a couple of decades now). That said, there's nothing to say they couldn't study the subject and do something completely different afterwards.

I'm not a medic but I would encourage you to advise your daughter to explore different potential career paths and be clear about what appeals (and doesnt) about those she'd like to explore (or not). I think young people often pick potential career routes for the wrong reason.

I wouldn't advise any young person to pursue or not pursue any particular job.

Does she want to be a nurse? If it is something she has always wanted to do then not unreasonable. However if she hasn't shown an interest it's an ok to suggest as an option but she would need to really look into it. Whenever someone asks me about working in the NHS I always say I love my current job but the toxic bullying culture is something you need to consider. I'd not push my children into it.

I would support her; n any career route she has shown a definite preference for. They invariably work harder at things they have chosen themselves. She is young. If she decides after the course that nursing is not for her she has plenty of time to change direction and the BTEC will still be a useful springboard for other routes.

I'm a paediatric nurse and I love my job. Yes there are parts of it it hate, and a lot of the beaurocracy of the nhs drives me mad because it makes doing my job a lot harder, but overall I can't imagine doing anything else. Although working in the nhs is hard, there's not many jobs with more security and benefits e.g. sick pay, maternity pay, etc, plus as she becomes more experienced there's loads of different avenues she can chose. Most people think of nurses as working on the wards, but you can go into community, specialist posts, nurse practitioner jobs, even things like risk management.

If she can, it would be worth trying to get a job/volunteer in a care home or hospital. As well as giving her a feel for the job, it will stand her well in her university application.

It’s a portable career. Nurses are always needed, doesn’t have to be in a traditional hospital setting. But I think emotional resilience is hugely important.

I wouldn't discourage it but she needs to go into it with her eyes open. Culture can be toxic and the pay is crap BUT it's a secure job with many areas to progress in and if she was ever interested in emigrating she'd be in demand abroad.

I know several nurses who hate it, and want to get out. But you could say that about any job.
Ultimately it is the young person 's choice, so I'm not sure that a parent should be offering "advice " on any specific career. Encourage her to think about her strengths, do her research, consider how much/long she wants to study, make a list of options..... all general stuff. She will find the right career for herself.

There’s lots of other roles too. Audiologist, OT, physio, optician. Nursing is just one route into health care.

Our paeds nurses are bloody fantastic, and generally seem to find the job rewarding and fulfilling. Some have gone on to be paediatric nurse practitioners, or specialist nurses, or nurse managers, so there are career options. Generally, paeds wards are nicer environments to work in than a lot of adult wards, in no small part because most children have a parent staying with them. But also because on average the cut throat ambitious types are less likely to go into paeds, so inter staff dynamics tend to be better. It is not an easy job, but it is a bloody valuable one. If she truly wants to do it, then encourage her. But don't push her into it if she isn't sure, as it's the sort of job you really need to want to do.

I’ve been a nurse for 29 years. I still actually enjoy my job but in all honesty it has been a hard slog a lot of the time and I wouldn’t want my daughter to do it. You have got to be willing to work hard, often double shifts, nights, weekends, always be on the ball, be willing to keep continuously learning, really like people, be very tolerant of unpleasant people and understand you will never be financially well off.

The btec will help her think about lots of health care opportunities.
Dc did this and while on the course she discovered lots of different professions, had work experience which then showed she liked part of the work but not another part so that helped when deciding.
In the end she's gone down an alternative route to nursing. Started off a year as a support worker, has nearly finished 2 years of nurse associate training (so gets a wage and nhs pay for uni). Next step is 6 months working as a band 4 na and then she says she's going to apply to do the top up (18 months) to become a nurse. This will again be paid for by hospital plus the wage. It will have taken her slightly longer, however she's got more practical experience and no debt.
This wasn't the route she planned for but after hearing about lots of career paths it was the one that stood out for her.

YANBU, my DD is a student nurse at the end of her second year and does lots of HCA banking and absolutely loves it, although some placements have been better than others. As other people have said though she needs to want to do it. For my DD it's a passion, there has been a lot of students dropping out on her course of people deciding it's not for them.

I've been a paediatric nurse for 20 years on a very busy ward. It's the best job ever! Encourage her to go to a university that has placements in a children's hospital. Not just a district general ward. As she'll see more complex patients. PM me if you want too.

Absolutely not my experience at all.

Right I have over 20 years of paediatrics nursing experience across a range of specialties including general paediatrics, PICU, NICU, Oncology, palliative care, community and public health.
I have had an amazing career in many ways and have truly loved many aspects of my job.
It was also very flexible when I had pre school age children. Nights and weekends meant I saved a fortune on childcare.
But you do need to be resilient this is not the job for snowflakes and it isn't what many think it is. You are dealing with often very sick children and very stressed parents. You are.not playing with cute children all day!
The bad days are your worst nightmare. I still close my eyes and get flash backs and am truly terrified about my own children being hurt or becoming ill. As in properly terrified.
Also haw academic is your daughter? Nursing is actually much more academic than many would believe I hold a degree and masters and multiple post graduate qualifications. Every specialty will send you back to university to be qualified in the specialties to progress. These are level 7 usually now.
Pay is absolutely crap for the level of education you need.
It is very competitive and yes bullying does exist and is absolutely rife in some areas. Paediatrics is by nature competitive as can be hard to get into and thus you will find quite a few bullies.
General paediatrics has changed drastically over my career and I would no longer work in that area. Mental health is a big problem with most wards having a child who is determined to self harm. This is very distressing.

For the right person it is a great career and I do enjoy my job.
I now work in a very 9-5 position.

Waves at @IwillrunIwillfly

I'm not in the NHS but most people in my family are as we are in a city with major teaching hospitals, both adult and paediatric. I've been in education for years (non-teaching) and from what I've observed from my relatives, the NHS holds far far better opportunities for progression, and actually, the pay doesn't seem that bad at all compared with many jobs in education. With some of them, it's really very good, and yes, I realise you have to keep up to date and undertake further training if you want to progress, but you have to do that in other jobs including education too, yet there is no band system to progress through, just because you've reached a certain level of training, and often jobs higher up the scale are hard to come by.

I definitely think you have to be "that way inclined" to be a nurse. There's no way I could do it as I'm an anxious mess when it comes to anything health-related. I dislike everything about hospitals so working in one is the last thing I'd want to do! Your daughter has obviously considered all that and thinks it would suit her so I think she should go for it. It will bring many opportunities to progress and go in different directions.

Nursing can be a great career and it wont always be so hard if reforms are made. And it can lead in so many other directions. She should go for it.

My SIL graduated in 2022 and quit after nearly having a mental breakdown less than a year after qualifying

She did really well during her uni placements and loved it but that all changed pretty much as soon as she qualified.

Was driven to breaking point because of under staffing, “experienced” staff that bullied the newcomers and generally not getting any support during that first year

Was awful to see how much it broke her considering how resilient she is and now she is using her skills in a different environment it is great to see how much she is back to her old self. She didn’t want to quit but recognised that she would end up being a patient herself if she stayed much longer

But the NHS broke her and she wasn’t the only one from her year group at uni that has quit for similar reasons

I think a lot of people are attracted to the "making a difference" and vocational careers and I was the same.

After being a teacher, support worker and something similar to an ISVA, I did a complete u-turn and retrained in a STEM career. I have never been happier, even though I always thought I'd have to have a "front line helping" job to get any job satisfaction.

I wouldn't discourage her as she may love it (lots of replies already from people who do love it and she may be one of them) but I'd discuss what exactly draws her to it and see she can get in touch and speak with anyone working in the role already.

Make sure she has a realistic idea of what it is like. I think a lot of people want to work with babies/children without realising how much of the job is actually working with parents.

When she imagines doing the job, what is she imagining? Is she imagining comforting quiet, afraid Timmy and helping him get better? Is it like a movie where she's the one person who can get him to have his injection?

That's fine but does this mental picture also consider Timmy's mum who is at her absolute wits end and terrified, who criticises everything she does, demands a different nurse because of something completely random, complains about things outside of anyone's control and blames her when he's not getting better?

It's one thing to sympathise with why Timmy's mum is doing that, but to have that day in and day out does require a certain thick skin that not everyone has (such as me, it turned out). Then on top of that the stressed colleagues, workplace bullying, blame culture etc that often come with working in the NHS which is bursting at the seams.

I can't speak specifically for nursing but I would want her to go in with her eyes open. Work experience, volunteering or part time work would be really good, especially in an intensive, demanding role with patients/clients who can be angry and within a system at it's limits.

If she is able to get some experience and finds she responds to that type of environment in a positive way then great. Go for it. If not she can rethink. I really wish back then I had more awareness of the person I actually am and what makes me happy rather than getting a job for the person I wished I was. It's hard to know exactly who you are when you're young and so I think the best way is to get stuck in as a soon as possible in as many different places as possible. Care homes, schools, hospitals etc. it'll be great for her CV too.

The nhs needs serious reform. Poor managers need to be dealt with.