Am I being immature and abrupt? Opinions needed please

[Damselindistres]

Good morning,

Wanted to come on here to ask for advice of unknown people who I trust will be brutally honest with me.

I have a baby to my narc, abusive ex. Before my baby was born (but I was pregnant) he kicked his young daughter out to stay with her mother as she didn't kick me out the house after him and I had an argument (I was pregnant and living there) she has not spoke to him since - over a year ago. - she has not met my son.

Again when pregnant but at Christmas time, he then proceeded to kick his son out of his house also who then went along to live with his girlfriend and her family. Again, has had minimum contact with his dad - he met my son like 3 times. He did see quite a lot of abuse from his dad to me.

His sons girlfriend and I don't really get on due to clash of personalities but nothing major she just used to do typical teenage thing - eat my food not thank me for cooking her tea leave a load of pots for me leave mess and be quite disrespectful in the house so I voiced my concerns. She didn't like it.

Anyway me and my abusive ex obviously have split up now (thank god) & he's the one I most want AWAY from my son.

Anyways, I have these people on socials but they never like or comment on my sons photos or message to meet up with him. Do I block them?! It angers me to think they r still around seeing him yet have no interest in him!!!!

Thoughts please?

Am I right in saying that those children your DH kicked out are your sons half siblings?

Why wouldn’t you block them? Doesn’t sound like there is any relationship there so I would delete them.

But why would they want to meet your baby, or see photos of him, when they were both kicked out of their home by their father while you were pregnant, and neither appear to like you, either?

Your post is hard to follow and I don’t quite get why you are annoyed. It seems like you want to block them as a punishment for not being interested in your child. If they aren’t interested then what would blocking achieve/why is it needed?

it sounds like they have a good reason not to have a real relationship with your child and you can’t force it. You had a baby with a man who already had a child so you have a responsibility for their feelings. You need to give them space now and help facilitate a relationship in the future if they change their mind.

Yes. Which is why I have been trying to get them to see their brother but they don't even read my messages and his daughter blocked me from instagram and left me on Facebook?!

I stuck up for them don't get me wrong. I called out their dad for being a dick and a rubbish father and pushed him to make it right. He didn't listen of course

Thanks for all your post I think I'm being immature with my feelings here. I feel I do need to just let it ride out and see what happens in the future as right now nothing is happening.

You aren’t considering their feelings at all. It’s all about you and your son. They have been hurt by their dad and your son is another child he chose to have despite not doing a good job with them. They have no obligation to you or your son.

Honestly, it sounds as if people not liking SM posts is the least of your troubles.

It sounds as if there are some really complex and difficult relationships here all stemming from your ex’s abusive behaviour. It’s great that you’ve got away from him. His kids will have their own difficulties with it all and possibly some quite conflicted feelings about their dad and their half-brother, your son.

So I don’t think it really matters whether you maintain the relationships on social media- they will have their own reasons for not liking things (which might be complicated and personal or might just be that they don’t engage much with social media). More important is the question of whether and how you maintain a relationship with them IRL without re-engaging with your ex.

You do come across as immature in your other posts but this post shows more maturity. Give them space for now and don’t block them on social media, leave the door open for something in the future

So, to clarify:

You had a baby with a man, who already had two teenage children.

While you were in a relationship with him he kicked both of them out of the house.

In addition, you had expressed problems with your (step) son's girlfriend who he is now living with.

Your step son and his girlfriend almost certainly want nothing to do with his dad and any other family he may have. Picking his girlfriend up on teenage type behaviour will have been seen by her as "X doesn't like me" and she won't want a relationship with you at all. He's living with her so even if he does want one (and I'd be very surprised) he won't risk being asked to leave another home over it.

Almost certainly both of them think their dad is a shit and you are just the latest person he has duped. As they are teens (or older?) they have no interest in a baby who is half someone they hate and half someone who couldn't stop them being kicked out of their home.

Sorry but you did ask.

(I have family who have experienced similar)

You have all this going on and your concern is likes on SM?

Dear god!

What a mess. Just leave them alone. If they want a relationship with their brother they can, but maybe at a later date.

Hard to follow but you are describing a chaotic and shouty environment, yet seem concerned someone isn’t liking or commenting on your sons photos.

Ridiculous is the politest thing I can say.

Step away from social media because likes and comments are passive interactions that mean NOTHING. Focus on actual human interactions that positively role model for your son.

If you’re taking a “well I’m blocking them!” attitude as well, maybe you have a lot of anger and need to work through regulating your own emotions.

I think it's a shame for your son that his half siblings don't want anything to do with him. None of this is his fault.

But given how their father has behaved towards them it is entirely understandable that his older children want nothing to do with their new half brother.

I honestly don't understand why social media is what you are focusing on. I think you should be concentrating on providing your son with a loving stable start in life.

I was finding the OP hard to follow, so thank you for clarifying her confusing first post @Octavia64

@Damselindistres I think you have unrealistic expectations of your ex's DC. They are teens or older and have no interest in a half sibling baby.

I would just unfriend them on social media. I doubt that they would notice anyway.

Your ex doesn't sound like good father material. Are his other children full siblings?

Sounds a right mess.
You moved in with him and teenagers
Teenage daughter moved out, hang on , he kicked her out
Then teenage son gets the same treatment.
Now you've been treated the same- he's your ex

Why would your average teen want anything to do with someonewho came in, wrecked their lives as they knew it, then want to be friends when it all fall apart?

You sound very immature

I think you are being unfair to them. They are young and victims of your ex as much as you are.

They don't owe you or your son anything. Save your anger for the feckless, horrible man you split up with.

I wouldn't unfriend or block. I'd leave the door open. They've done nothing wrong.