Am I trapped here? Help me find a way out

[Battyasafruitcake]

Moved abroad 8 years ago for husbands job. I hate it, have never been able to learn the language and struggle on a daily basis with even the basics like food shopping. Husband wants to stay because of his job, two of our three grown up dc are happy here the youngest 20 wants to study back in uk. I’ve just turned 60 and want my life back but all finances are invested here. My marriage is failing because I am so unhappy and resentful about feeling trapped. I don’t know who I can to talk to for help but I want to come home. Is it even possible with no money at my age. I’ve sucked it up to keep the family together but I need my own life back. What do I do I’m so unhappy

It's your money too. Make some of it available and move back with the youngest.

Yes it is possible and you would have money as you would split finances/assets in the event of a divorce.

Does your husband know how serious you are about wanting to return? Have you discussed this with him?

Firstly Im sorry you are so unhappy there .I often think that "trailing spouses" have a hard time if it. Can u come home for a short holiday and stay with family member if possible? Then you can look into your options .Does your DH have long to be working or would he take early retirement? If you are married then surely you would have a share of finances.I would come back here and speak to a Lawyer to find out options and get ball rolling

Unfortunately when we moved out here the mortgage to buy the house we live in is all in his name as I was the trailing spouse, no job no income here I couldn’t be out on any deeds. In fairness he has made all the mortgage payments so legally don’t think I would be entitled. I have managed to squirrel away about 8k in euros but that is nowhere near enough to start again for me let alone with my dc. Hence the ‘trapped here’! and asking for help/ideas as I’ve wracked my brains for a solution.

Do you and DH have any joint savings?

You're married aren't you? Of course you're entitled!

If you're married then assets are joint assets regardless of being only in his name. Him paying the mortgage isn't relevant either. You were supporting his work/career and are entitled to part of the assets (house/pension/savings etc).

Could you and dd come to UK for a break, and get some legal advice while you are here?? Do you have any relatives you could lodge with short term?

Keep saving in your own name. That's a very good idea.

There is always a way to make things happen. You just need some legal advice, and a plan of action.

Thank you for your understanding. I lost both parents to Covid and my only other sibling died two years ago. I have managed to squirrel away about 8k€. I need to keep that safe, my husband has been a functioning alcoholic, he’s been in counselling and suffers depression. I naively thought that moving here would have been a fresh start but it has just isolated me. This is the first opportunity I have had to open up a bit about how awful my life has been and now that dc are older I just want to escape from him and start again if that is even possible at my age with no money. He does know how I feel and has said he wants to stay as his job is here and would not get a job back in the uk because of his age. I have suggested selling up and buying a forever home in the uk whilst he carries on doing his job and he uses the mortgage money he pays to rent an apartment with the dc who want to stay. Retirement is still 5years away. My thinking is that it would have given me some breathing space away from him and a chance to find my life again, also a home for my youngest who wants to leave as well. Am I being selfish? He won’t discuss the issue and has always refused me access to financial information. I’ve been a long time reader of mumsnet and it has given me the knowledge and strength to know what is acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior in a relationship. I guess I’m also asking for a bit of a hand hold, I’ve kept my lid on my pot too long and can’t afford to break now if I I open up and disclose a lot of my unhappiness. Do I still put up and shut up or is there an answer out there

Perhaps you look at filing for divorce in England so the English laws apply.