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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move away even though my adult autistic daughter does not want to?

5 replies

Runawaychicken · 13/08/2024 00:32

I know this is going to make me look like a terrible Mother but it is the truth.

I hate where I live. I have no friends, no hobbies, no life. I have been a carer to my daughter all of her life and have been isolated due to this. When we moved here we had family and a support network here. Now there is nothing.
There is also nothing locally for people who aren't young people or pensioners and it is difficult to get to places as a non driver.

My daughter hates being left in the house on her own and for years I've been stuck here, unable to go anywhere.

My daughter is now in her twenties and still lives at home. She needs considerable support but has a life. She has a job, she is studying, she has friends, she goes out.
She does need support with daily tasks, cooking, forms, appointments and social support, she needs support to cook but she has a life.

I have nothing and it is making me extremely depressed.

I.want to move back to where I grew up, in an area I love and am familiar with, near the sea which I love and my daughter doesn't.
I want a life again.
She has a life here and I don't..

She's my child and I love her but am I supposed to live this life of nothing until she decides she does not need me anymore and leaves me behind?

OP posts:
justasking111 · 13/08/2024 00:35

How long before she finishes her studies?

Pepperama · 13/08/2024 00:38

No, that’s not sustainable. You only have one life and it can’t just be sacrifice. Is there somewhere larger and better connected close by that’d be a better standpoint for you but still be near enough for your daughter to keep her friendships?

DaftyLass · 13/08/2024 00:40

How close is she to finishing school , or being ready to move on to housemates/shared living/supportive living

AquaFurball · 13/08/2024 00:44

Can she move into supported accomodation and you can move where you want to? She's an adult, you don't have to revolve your life around her if she doesn't want to move.

Runawaychicken · 13/08/2024 00:46

She's finished school and is in further education. She has two years to go.

Realistically she would need supported living and is ready now but like everything places are few and far between

OP posts:
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