Mums for birthday disappointment

[amiexpectingenough]

This is a sensitive topic for me so please be honest.

I have 2 DC (6 and 2) and don't visit DM very often. When we do visit none of their routine changes, they get up late, eat the same food as every week and follow the same routine. DM had been asking that I visit over the summer as DC1 spent a lot of the summer holidays at PIL. The only time I had free was over my birthday.

I took both kids alone and they got up at 9 am. The kids and I had breakfast alone (I made it). I then took them to the park as they hadn't gotten up yet. Offered to go buy a cake unless we had one, which when up DM did go buy a cake. We did do an activity together as a family and the day ended with us having their usual meal of that day of the week.

AIBU to hope to be a little spoilt by DM on my birthday? She is still working and on a work day gets up at 6 am. AIBU for hoping for a little change to their daily routine to accommodate the kids and I?

Oh dear what a poor effort. Am a grandma by the way.

maybe just tell her

The routine thing drives me crazy also.

Staying with us, or us staying with family - no one makes any effort to adapt their routine to that fact there is other people / young children.

Often not up till 10ish, then they want to sit around drinking coffee for two hours, suggest going out for dinner, want to stay up until the early hours drinking a lot… not really ideal when up at dawn with small children!

Ah that’s awful. I am not a morning person but had friends stay recently with young kids and it was my friends birthday. I put a banner and balloons up in the kitchen the night before as they were up crazy early. Made a cooked breakfast for 10, out for the afternoon had birthday cake and candles with her kids and then special meal/wine that night. That sounds like very little effort from your mum. My own mum would probably be the same that is why I would never spend my actual birthday with her unless it was organised and run by my own family!
I would learn from this and never go back on your birthday and accept that they are not going to pull out all the stops for your visits🥲

You’re asking two different questions here — whether it’s reasonable to think your mother should have done something more special for your birthday, and whether it’s unreasonable to expect her (and her partner? Not your father?) to get up earlier to accommodate you. Yes to the first, no to the second.