Is my DC being fair?

[LoveCherryTree]

My DH and I own our own business, my DH travels for this business, I don’t. We have 2 DC (5&7). DH is away for two days now then he will be away for a week in Sept and then again in Jan for a week in Vegas (this is a yearly event in which he misses our DS’s birthday) was also going to China for a week but this was cancelled.
I am always at home looking after the DC and working. DH is completely anti-social, would love to live on an island with just us if he could, he has no real friends, I am the opposite, I have lots of friends and get invited to lots of things including holidays.

The problem is I never go because he thinks it’s unfair if I go away, when the only time he goes away is for work. The problem being, he goes away, mostly business or first class and has meals out and chats with people, he’s hardly labouring 8 hours a day. I would love to have peace and quiet for 5 hours on a plane not having to think of anyone else,
he called me tonight and said he’d been in someone’s garden having a glass of wine and then he’s had another glass at the hotel and then he’s going to some trendy wine bar tonight….whilst I’m at home dealing with the annoying DC screaming at each other!
I suppose I’m just asking….
AIBU to think I should be able to go on a long weekend somewhere with a girlfriend for a break and not have to ask permission or feel guilty?

I’d be reminding him of all the glasses of wine, peace and quiet etc he gets despite the fact he’s away for work. Just because he doesn’t otherwise go away, it doesn’t mean that you can’t either.

Book somewhere for the weekend. You deserve a break.

Why don't you split the business travel?

I think personal travel is unrelated to this, but you should absolutely have some time away and then DH can do the same (if he chooses not then that's up to him).

I agree with pp. Split the business travel.

We can’t, we don’t have the same job within the business so he is the one that needs to meet the client, which is fine, I completely get that.

But sounds like your skills are more suitable for meeting people and selling?

Anyway, just arrange your trips, give him notice, and hand the kids over.

You shouldn’t need to ask permission to go on holiday whether your spouse travels for work or not tbh.

His frequent travel is irrelevant it’s the balance of free time that’s the issue. How you choose to spend your childfree time is up to you, whether that’s on holiday with the girls or locked in a room screaming into a void for a weekend. Right now you’re not getting either option of time away from the kids, he is.

Just go, you just don’t need anyone’s permission to have a social life. He’ll just have to get used to it.

I’m going to take a wild guess that you are the primary and default parent and he is reluctant to look after his own children? Either that or he’s extremely controlling.

I’m a SAHM, my husband travels for work but very rarely wants to go out socially. He still encourages me to go out with friends, go on short breaks alone and the like, because he’s a decent supportive person who understands that just because he doesn’t enjoy something doesn’t mean I can’t. Plus he’s perfectly capable and comfortable looking after our children solo for a few days. I regard this as normal, I’d never put up with being told I can never go anywhere except for work!

I don’t think it’s fair though regarding long haul business travel (especially for someone who doesn’t enjoy it), wine bars or not, as a break for him - he should be able to have proper non work related breaks too if he wants them. But the fact he doesn’t is no reason you shouldn’t!

I do most/ all of the childcare and work full time. If he wanted to go for a long weekend with the boys I would encourage it, the problem is he has no close boys and doesn’t want to, if he does say he’s going for a drink with someone I’m all for it, I just want him to be happy…..go be happy!!!

Irrespective of the work situation its completely unfair for one person to decide that one person in the couple isn't ever allowed to go away outside of the family. I'd be pissed off if my husband spent significant amounts of his annual leave outside the family (as we both work full time, family time is precious) but a couple of long weekends away a year is absolutely fine and healthy

I think the work situation is totally irrelevant tbh. Business travel, drinks with customers etc whilst sounds glamorous if often hard work
and draining.

However, him not having friends / wanting to go away for the weekend etc should not stop you doing it.

@LoveCherryTree

Abso-bloody-lutely you should be able to have the odd mini break with friends...for no reason at all!