Strong sister in law interfering again

[Dogneverstopseating]

Sil is a very strong character, I’ve been with Dh since I was a teen and felt intimidated by her back then, I don’t anymore, but still try to avoid contact etc, I’m always friendly and civil.
We live abroad and have done for years & years, so luckily I don’t have to encounter her too often. However, when she comes to visit, she always gives me the Spanish Inquisition about if we’d ever return to the U.K., it’s not just pleasant conversation, she’s very intense and a dominant person. She always brings up how much Dd (6) would love living there and how much she misses her, she says Dd has the accent of where were originally from and so on,
Dh recently went back to visit his family and he’s come back with all these plans about wanting to live there, how much more money he can make, how much friendly the people are. We’ve discussed moving back on and off over the years, but for me it would never be to where we came from, but where my family live now (very similar lifestyle-outdoors, beaches, surf, sports etc) It would be of no benefit for Dd to live where I grew up as she’s been completely spoilt with such an amazing outdoors lifestyle, where were originally from there’s no beach, it can be dangerous, it’s depressing and just somewhere there’s no way I’d want to go back to.
He started saying how he’d be closer to his family and how his sister was saying how amazing it would be and to go near my family would be too far away etc. We hadn’t even talked about moving back recently and now all these plans. I said to Dh it’s about what would be best for Dd and how could she go from such an amazing upbringing to that
She’s fed him a load of stuff as usual and it’s causing issues between us now
What would you do?

Indeed! 😀😀

@DenimSnails Sil thinks she has a strong Northern accent (she doesn’t) and always plays on this and says she belongs over there

This is very good advice.

That's so weird of SIL! Maybe DD has a slight northern accent if she only speaks English to you and your DH (presumably if you have northern accents) - but that's no reason to move back to where you are from. What a strange rationale

@DenimSnails Really weird, its comments like this all the time, to imply she’s one of them and his family, also the same as the comments scoot how Dd looks like Dh and acts like them and even that she and Dd looked like twins as babies (they didn’t!) I’m not included in any of this. This is all in front of me, so I can only imagine how thick she laid it on when he was alone over there

*About

We left the UK several decades ago. Whenever we go back to the North East, there is always this feeling of guilt. Our parents are aging. Our friends DC don't know who we are. Our DN's know who we are but we don't know much about them, in terms of day to day life. And we always have a little
mooch when we return.

It does fade though, usually after a few weeks, and we know that we are right to live where we live at this moment in time. Our DC are bilingual, we have excellent lifestyles and weather. They have great prospects ahead of them. We love our life. I just wish we had either a direct airline route so we could visit regularly or even better, a private jet to pop over and see our loved ones. Luckily, my family put zero pressure on us, in fact DF tells us as much as they miss us, that it's much better that his DGC are over here, making the most of the opportunities that we give them. PIL don't do abroad, and refer to me as the one who took their DS away from them, but they also don't interact much with our DC beyond birthdays and Christmas, so it's not much of a bother. Some might say that the distance could even be considered a bonus perhaps...
DH would like to retire back there. I am not sure I can stand the damp and cold anymore, but I am willing to buy a static caravan and go over for a month at a time...

Whoops pressed send too soon.
Could she be jealous?
Sounds to me like SIL is comparing her lifestyle with her brother. She could even want you back home so that she doesn't feel bad about her life choices. It can't be that bad if her brother has brought his family back so that the family can all be together again....

@Dogneverstopseating wow - the whole 'dd looks like me as a baby' is kind of creepy tbh! She is part of their family but that's all a bit much really.

Still, I'd probably try to keep weirdo SIL out of it when giving your DH your reasons for not moving home. Keep it as a 'this is what's best for us/DD'. I grew up abroad for much of my childhood - also had relatives who didn't think I was having a 'proper childhood' outside of their home countries, but we had a brilliant lifestyle - they just couldn't understand not living at 'home'.

Also highlight to him that the economy is shit, the NHS is massively overstretched, schools insanely underfunded, and very few careers are making the big bucks right now!

@stormstormystormstorm Yes, the same here, although my parents miss us, they see the difference in our lives and how much safer and healthier it is for Dd, whereas Dh’s side don’t seem to think this way and it’s just about how they feel. His parents had never been abroad ever and probably saw me as the one who took Dh away too.
Just feeling a bit panicky, especially with the news at the moment and all the stabbings and riots, it’s not a place I want to go back to at the moment

@DenimSnails V creepy and ego driven and I suspect…deliberate to exclude me a bit too
Yes, I wouldn’t mention her to Dh, but as soon as he started saying it, I knew

She's probably jealous truth be told.

Sorry DH, we are happy - you feel free to move back, I'm not uprooting DD for a lifestyle that is less than what she has now.

Cheerio.

@Amybelle88 Do you really think it’s jealousy?