to wish you could send ‘un-invitations’

[whydoinotgetalife]

it’s DS birthday in a few weeks and I had sent the invitations around a month ago ( my family are often busy and wanted to make sure they had it written in the diary ) I had a group of friends who’s children are all similar aged and thought it would be nice to invite them all. the past couple of months my friends have been withdrawn and I’ve been very isolated from them. it’s very clear they have been all meeting up and have made it very clear they have a ‘mums group chat’ we recently saw them and after this meeting I’ve decided the friendships are not worth the upset. I was completely ignored and felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed, lots of funny looks etc. now my DS party is arriving and I really don’t feel comfortable having them all there, what would you do in this situation. I don’t want to make a big deal or cause any dramas but I don’t want to spend my child’s birthday like this.

Does your ds still get along with the children?

You can't uninvite people now, just don't invite them to anything in the future

Message them and say you have cancelled the party. (And 'cancel' it!)

Then re-arrange it for another day!

He will be one, my children are very clingy so neither have much interest in other children. If he was say 5-6 it would be a much different situation

Have they RSVPed to say they're coming to it? Surely they wouldn't actually come along if there is bad feeling?

Of course you can uninvite them.

’Sorry guys - I’ve decided to keep DC’s birthday celebration family only - hope you’re all well. Catch up soon!’

Then don’t contact them again.

This is exactly what my sister said!

I wouldn't do anything. By the sounds of it, I'd be surprised if they even show up.

If you don't want to salvage the friendship you can totally un-invite them. Just message them all and say you don't think it's a friendship that can go forward, so please disregard the birthday invitation as it was sent at a time when you thought there was still a friendship.

How do you know they have a what's app group? How do you know they've been meeting? How come you recently seen them?

I'm sorry due to unforeseen circumstances I have had to cancel X's birthday celebration

This is perfect - send them forget about them

thank you for the advice!
im aware of the group chat as whilst still seeing them despite them being withdrawn they would make little comments such as “ I’ll talk about it tonight in the group “ or “ I’ll send you the link to xyz in the chat “. I recently saw them as one of their children had a party, I really didn’t want to go but didn’t want my children to miss out. we ended up leaving early as the atmosphere was absolutely awful

What about “Unfortunately we’ve had to change the arrangements for DC’s birthday so we’re just keeping it to close family this year. Hope you all have a great summer”. If they’ve RSVPd already saying they are coming I might say you’re having it at a different venue and be a bit more apologetic, but if they’ve not RSVPd AND are behaving like catty bitches they’re lucky you’re even telling them TBH.

Id DS is friends with their children, then you have to suck it up.
If not then you couldvsend a message "Just wanted to confirm if you're still intending to come to DS party, after xyz I wasnt sure if you would like to celebrate with me".
Or if their behaviour was outrageously rude "given how you feel about me I no longer think its appropriate for you to attend DC birthday party".

This!

In that case...do what a pp said and say you've changed it to family only

This. If your DC is one they'd probably prefer this anyway. Or go out on a fun day out. Don't spend any more time with people who are excluding you.

Your baby is 1, they won't have a clue who is at the party. Send a WhatsApp message to the whole group saying its family open then withdraw, sorry this has happened to you.

On the basis you wanted to get the date in early as your family is busy, I'd not rearrange but message to say plans changed, now family only and hope they understand.

I'd then say, especially if messaging each person privately one on one, something along the lines of "please do let me know if you'd like to meet up another time". That way it's in their court.

If you don't want to salvage the friendship you can totally un-invite them. Just message them all and say you don't think it's a friendship that can go forward, so please disregard the birthday invitation as it was sent at a time when you thought there was still a friendship.

Absolutely this. There is no need to worry about their feelings or be kind given their treatment of you and considering your child’s age, they won’t care either.

As a guess, is it your NCT group or similar and the only reason for knowing one another is having a baby at a similar time?

I'd just say baby has come down with a vomiting bug.

I'd then say, especially if messaging each person privately one on one, something along the lines of "please do let me know if you'd like to meet up another time". That way it's in their court.

No. Why would she want that? She doesn’t want to see them again due to them being nasty to her.

I'm wondering WHY the change of attitude to you @whydoinotgetalife Has there been a misunderstanding somewhere do you think? If they are being as unfriendly as that, it sounds to me like there is some reason for this. Especially with the 'funny looks'. Could someone be spreading lies about you. Or something. Could you ask them?

Op why would there be an atmosphere? Just wondering what would be that bad that they invite you but then there's an atmosphere when you're there ?? At the most even if they were closer to each other over you still doesn't explain such a bad atmosphere.

I think cancelling is the best option. You may come across them in future at the school gate so I wouldn't want to burn my bridges.

I agree. Not worth it in this case.