To be getting irritated by adult daughter going out every night?

[OldBoringMum]

I know I am because she is an adult (21) and she can go out whenever she likes but it is really griping me.

She always says she will be back by a certain usually reasonable time then ten minutes before she is due back she will text and say she is just chatting and will be back later. Usually around midnight.

No big deal right? But she is waking me up every time. She's coming home at midnight, rattling around getting ready for bed which wakes me up and I cannot get back to sleep for ages then I have to wake up early for my day.

If it was just the weekend I would let it fo but it is most nights now and I am exhausted.

Why is she coming into your room to ask if you’re awake? You need to put a stop to that, at 21 she is more than old enough to understand that’s not on. Make it very clear that she needs to be quiet when she comes in and that she’s not to open your door, disturb you or purposefully wake you up unless there is an emergency.

Sounds like you need to invest in ear plugs/white noise and she needs to learn how to keep the noise down. I don't think either of you are being particularly unreasonable but you need to accept that, as a young person, she's likely to have an active social life, and she needs to respect the fact that you need your sleep.

On the plus side, it's good that she has friends and that she is enjoying herself. I find my adult dd's constant socialising a bit much at times, but then I remind myself that I am far happier to know that she is out having fun with her lovely, positive and supportive friends than I would be if she was moping around at home and feeling like she had no friends at all!

Return the favour at 5am? Petty but she'll get the message

You need to remind her that you want/deserve peace and quiet to sleep when you have gone to bed. If you are awake and want to talk to her when she gets home, then you will shout out to her. She is not to come into your bedroom unless there is some sort of emergency. You could try to let her see how it feels by waking her up every morning before you go to work?

This!
Why does an adult need to be told how rude that is?
And why should OP have to wear earplugs and use white noise in her own home?

Tell her
a) home by 11 on weeknights or find somewhere else to sleep
b) do NOT enter your room or knock, if the door is closed at night
c) she needs to tone down the noise generated by her evening routine; surely changing into nightclothes, brushing teeth/washing face can be done near-silently. What else is she doing to make noise? Tell her to stop.

I don't understand being passive about a situation like this.

You haven't said in any of your posts that you've had a conversation about this.

She thinks she is being quiet, she really isn't. She often comes in my room loudly whispering if I'm awake, well I am now.

Have you actually told her to stop doing this?

Hi I agree that coming in to talk is not on. If my door is closed and light is off my DD would never disturb me.
But I have to question the in by 11 mularkey. My DD works in hospitality at the moment with close at 11 so often is t home till 11.40. She's often working some of the weekend so her late nights can be during the week.

And anyway, I'm sometimes not in till after 11. And I'm 60 and work as a CEO. Live and let live I think just be quiet and respectful.

Why is she coming in to your room to ask if you’re awake? Of course that wakes you up!

Sorry yes I have spoken to her about making sure she has house keys and coming in quietly.
I also told her last night that she had woken me up.

I've never told her in by 11.
I don't mind what time she comes in as long as she is safe and doesn't wake me up.

I'd be saying to her to stop coming in your room!! There's no need for that. And she needs to be quieter or maybe she needs to move out!

She sounds selfish.