To accept the Facebook friend request?

[CoffeeExists]

From my bio dad.

I have no idea why he would request me. I did connect briefly with a few updates with his step daughter years ago - who was a teen when I was small - and he did message once off the back of that in 2009. Nothing since.
He doesn't really know anything about me and not me about him. I have no deep underlying desire to connect either.
I am just so confused.
Plus if I did, my family would see it and cause no end of drama and questions. <Eyeroll>

Yabu: don't bother to even go there
Yanbu: connect and see how it goes

I think it’s a bit pathetic that instead of sending you a message he’s added you on Facebook. I personally wouldn’t and would wait for him to man up and act like a real father and make effort to know what’s going on in your life, not add you like a 18 year old college mate

I wouldn't bother. I'm adopted, my bio dad tried to contact me and I refused.

If he wants contact he could message you, not bloody add you on fb.

I think if you get a message from someone on Facebook that you are not friends with it goes into your spam folder. That happened to me anyway so you might not find each other's messages without being "friends".

Agree.

pathetically low effort.

Sounds like it would be inviting drama into your life.

He has previously messaged so I can see them if I search. I just checked and the last message was actually 2010 when he congratulated me.on the birth of my child. None of his messages have been responded to.
Hi step daughter, again just checked, last messaged a thinking of you message in 2020 re the pandemic.
Also, small point but mildly hmm is his FB account is a joint one with his wife!

So taking that further, maybe it's his wife? Maybe he has passed? Maybe that's why it's a friend request rather than a message?

Send a message how? Knowing her phone number is unlikely and a lot of people’s settings do not allow dm’s from non friends.

edit - and just read she has other messages from him, I’ll roll a piece of paper into a cone, stick a D on it and sit in the corner.

Absolutely not a chance if it were me. My bio Dad (left when I was 3 months old, never looked back) has apparently now I'm 40 been lamenting to family about the mistakes he made, crying over it, wants them to tell my baby Son that 'Grandad loves him' etc.

The only actual effort he's made to contact me directly was via Facebook during the first lockdown. I blocked him.

If he was really so desperate to make amends he'd write me a letter and have family pass it on, or ask them for my number and call.

He wants a window into your life without actually being involved. Why should he have that?

If you are curious, can you send a message? To see if it is actually him or his wife and gauge what they want.

Or ask your step sister

So the general consensus is a no. That's good as it matches how I am feeling but I guess there's always that wondering. That what it. But it's been how many years? Why now?

If I sent a message without accepting I wouldn't even know what to say tbh.

So he has tried to send you messages before eg in 2020 and you didn't respond?
Maybe he isn't sure if you'll see messages and figures you'll definitely see a friend request.

Personally I'd respond unless the person had actually harmed me.

I think a good way to frame it is "whats in it for me?"

My guess is there is almost no scenario where you benefit from responding.
Its just opening up old hurt ....