To ask for people's experiences of EMDR please

[JustForTheTasteOfItDC]

I started EMDR a few weeks ago to try and help with OCD around germs/contamination that started after one of my DC was hospitalised as a baby. I also have history of an abusive mum and was advised that EMDR might help with this too.

I'm finding the therapy itself really hard. The first treatment session (where we were actually using the EMDR technique) was ok, but in the second session I felt completely dissociated towards the end, and could barely string a sentence together. I know I dissociate in times of stress and it's happened before in therapy, but I'm usually able to get back out of it reasonably quickly, whereas it felt as though each section of EMDR was just pushing me back into dissociation.

I'm meant to be going tonight, and I don't want to go. I've got form for quitting therapy just when I'm hitting stuff that is really painful, so I don't know if my resistance is just because I'm processing such painful stuff and I'm about to make a breakthrough, but I'm also worried that becoming dissociated repeatedly will make things worse rather than better.

(Yes, I know I should talk to my therapist about this, but it feels such a weird dynamic and so different to other therapy that I've had before where there is a lot of talking, with a good therapeutic relationship being at the heart of the therapy. Sometimes I feel as though I am just irritating this therapist!)

Is what I'm experiencing normal and have other people experienced this and I just need to keep going? Or is it that the therapist and I aren't a good fit if I don't feel as though he even likes me very much!

Thanks for all the messages and I’m loving hearing all the positive ones who found EMDR life changing - that’s the experience I want!

I have stopped the sessions, and the therapist asked me why. I ended up explaining (and realising myself) that I didn’t feel safe enough with him. It sounds a bit silly to say, but I’d had to chase him 2 or 3 times for payment details, then I had to contact him again a few times for him to send over the safe place stuff (both of which he had said he would send). We didn’t have a strong therapeutic relationship, which maybe isn’t so much of a “thing” in EMDR therapy, I don’t know, but most of the time I wasn’t sure he even liked me, let alone cared for my wellbeing - so unlike the unconditional positive regard that past therapists have shown. I did explain during our last session about the dissociating but he dismissed it, and although it didn’t happen during the last session he didn’t do the safe space exercise at the end, and that was it for me.

I’m disappointed because I waited ages to see him (he is an EMDR consultant so very experienced) and I so wanted it to be like the experiences of a lot of people here. But it just wasn’t!

I might try again with a different therapist.

@AliTheMinx

I'm really glad it helped you. Can I ask what you mean by this?

The image is always on the screen during processing

Was an image of a safe place on an actual screen?

The hardest thing I found about the few sessions I had (I had to stop because something massively triggering came up in my life outside of the sessions so it wasn't the right time to continue) was visualising a safe place. The first safe place we installed got annihilated the same night in a nightmare. So the therapist tried to create one for me but it didn't feel safe. I do another activity that requires thinking of a space place but I can't think of anywhere.

I believe it’s only in the NICE guidelines for trauma/PTSD. I wouldn’t use it for OCD personally. It’s not a one size fits all approach.

Really really helped me after a major medical event which nearly killed me and I was diagnosed with PTSD. But I also disassociate, have done since I was a kid, although mine is essentially self induced. All I can say I that I can sympathise with how difficult and scary it must be for the therapy to induce that with you and I'm glad that you did the best thing for you by stopping the sessions; even though it's not talking therapy you must have a trusting and positive relationship with your therapist.

I hope you do try again with another therapist as it was really incredible - I went from someone who couldn't leave her bedroom and just stared at the walls, didn't sleep and cried at every opportunity, to a fully functioning human being again. Where are you in the country? If you're anywhere near Cambridge/NW Essex I can recommend someone.

@JustForTheTasteOfItDC sorry that you had a bad experience, I agree that you have to be able to trust the therapist.

Please do try to find someone else though. It saved my life. I honestly don’t think that I would be here today if I hadn’t had it. The first 4-5 sessions I had someone waiting outside for me but I would say by the 3rd I was more ‘with it’. My nightmares got worse for a while but I think that I was processing things. I had a great relationship with my therapist. I trusted her.

@CharlotteLightandDark but when the OCD is a trauma response surely you work on the trauma before being able to work on the OCD?

The OCD started after a traumatic event (my child being hospitalised as a baby) and I also had an abusive parent, so I’m was having it to process the trauma that led to the OCD, if that makes sense.

I am considering EMDR due to PTSD following on from my son ending his life last Nov. Can anyone tell me if it is as effective via zoom/online vs in person,please? I have read conflicting things x

Yes. My therapist asked what my safe space would be, and I chose a beach, as I always find the sound of waves relaxing and quite liberating. When we are processing and I am following the dots on screen, the background is a beach, and there is also the sound of waves as the dots move, which I find quite soothing. I also have the link so that I can access that safe space in-between session if I want to - although I haven't done this. I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Thinking of you x

I am so very sorry to hear about your son. The pain must be unimaginable and my heart really goes out to you. I am doing EMDR online only, and I am finding it really effective. I quite like being in my own space. I really hope you manage to find something that works for you xx

You did exactly the right thing. I really would encourage you to find another EMDR therapist. It's a really effective therapy, but not if the basics aren't in place. You need to feel safe and that you can trust the therapist as a starting point. You can explain the dissociation to your next therapist.

Another one to say it was life changing, but my psychologist did a LOT of work with me before we started, in order to make sure I was stable enough to cope and that I felt safe with her. It sounds like your therapist wasn’t a good fit in that regard- I wonder if a woman might suit you better? I think it can depend a bit on your trauma but mine was very mumsy which helped me I think.

It is brutal when you’re going through it though. My dissociation got a lot worse too. I think of it a bit like how you get a fever to kill an infection- your mind is fighting to heal the trauma but it feels awful while it does

@Fudgetheparrot I specifically chose a man because I’d had the most amazing male therapist earlier in the year through occupational health and wondered if it was the fact that he was male that had made change feel more possible. However I just didn’t have the same kind of therapeutic relationship with this therapist so think it was more the fit wasn’t right than the sex. Although I could be completely wrong!!

So sorry for your loss. I had my therapy in person by choice because I like that I have to go somewhere for it, it’s not in my home space and I can’t get distracted by other things at home (like my cats wanting attention or the doorbell etc). It also gives me some processing time afterwards as I’m making my way home - I’m not going straight back into my daily life immediately after a session. However I know that a lot of people prefer online therapy and that’s their choice. I don’t know anything about the effectiveness of EMDR in person vs online. Wishing you all the best xx