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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to attend wedding

51 replies

IcyPeachMaker · 12/08/2024 14:33

A couple of years ago at family party, my partners cousins husband got very drunk and decided it would be hilarious to pull my dress up and expose me, I was mortified by this and wanted to leave, my partner told me were not leaving he's just drunk and having a laugh and that I needed to lighten up and stop being sensitive. After this happened I decided I didn't want to attend any family partys, unfortunately last weekend they happened to be at a joint friend's party so I happened to bump into them, they didnt speak to me the whole party neither did I speak to them. There's a family wedding in a couple of weeks which they will all be attending I'd said I wasn't going to attend, partner is now saying because I've bumped into them since the incident and everything is 'fine' I should attend the wedding. I really don't want to, I don't like these people at all, I think there behaviors was totally unacceptable, aibu for saying I don't want to attend or should I stop being so 'sensitive' and attend

OP posts:
Emmz1510 · 17/08/2024 08:27

He’ll always back family? Get rid of him.

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/08/2024 08:33

VestPantsandSocks · 12/08/2024 14:39

Forget the cousins husband, why are you still with a partner who doesn't have your back and is happy for you to be embarrassed like that?!

And I wouldn't go to the wedding!

This. The wedding is a red herring here. The material point is you are with a man who doesn’t respect your feelings and is happy for his family to humiliate you in public.

I would leave a man like this. Then you don’t need to worry about his moronic family. Problem solved.

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 17/08/2024 08:39

IcyPeachMaker · 12/08/2024 14:46

Just a few things to add, the person getting married is another of partners cousins that I've only met once in last 18 years, so not somebody I'm that bothered about.
Parnter says he will always back his own family as there blood. Believe me it caused a huge argument and I have spent a lot of time thinking do I actually want to be with somebody like this but unfortunately I had a bad mental health breakdown a few years ago and I'm only just getting myself in a financially independent state to be able to do anything about it

So what behaviours towards you would make him put you before 'blood'? When they physically abuse you? Sexual assault? Violence?
Your life, your choice, but your particular little prince and his family are not what most would want or toletate

BananaLambo · 17/08/2024 08:45

I’d ditch the partner. He doesn’t have your back, he prioritizes his ‘blood’ over you, and he laughs when another man assaults you. He can fuck off to Fuckoffsville. No, you don’t have to go to the wedding. You have made your feelings perfectly clear and he is trying to steamroll you.

jeaux90 · 17/08/2024 08:55

That's disgusting. So you were assaulted and your partner minimised it. I probably would be questioning whether that's someone I want to be with. My partner would have lost his shit.

Going to the wedding it depends on whether you are feeling anxious about it or not.

I'd go and keep my chin up but it really depends on how you feel about it.

doneandone · 17/08/2024 08:59

Definitely don't have children with your partner, He'll never be on your side. Find someone who'll fight your corner, you're worth it Flowers

Wishthiswasntmypost · 17/08/2024 09:03

I wouldn't stay with someone who hadn't felt my outrage and distress about this. I suspect if he had you'd be going to the wedding confident that he'd protect you and the culprit would be the one who should feel embarrassed

Fraaahnces · 17/08/2024 09:04

Partner is a spineless cunt. His line is on the wrong side of the sand. Bin.

Longma · 17/08/2024 09:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

2chocolateoranges · 17/08/2024 09:11

My husband would have jumped someone who did that to me, your partner is not a nice person!

I wouldn’t be asking my self do I want to go to this wedding I’d be asking did I want to stay in a relationship with someone who didn’t have my back

Greytulips · 17/08/2024 09:12

You should’ve left the last party and kept walking. How dare he say you weren’t leaving!

Discusting. No care for you - no wonder you have MH issues when your are living with a knob. I bet he undermines you in other areas as well.

Jeschara · 17/08/2024 09:27

Your husbands cousin sexually assaulted you, this is a offence, he should not have backed him, he should have called the Police. Being drunk us no excuse. Why did you not leave? You say your husband said no, but you should have ignored him and left.
The apple never fell far from the tree with your spineless weak willed husband. I hope you find the strength to leave this arsehole. He really is no good and you deserve so much better.
I could not love a man I had no respect for, and by his reaction I feel he would have no conscience about assaulting a woman. He is rank.

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 17/08/2024 09:33

Parnter says he will always back his own family as there blood.

Well there you have it. He’s shown you where you are in the priority list, and in turn shown you how much support you can expect if this cousin treats you like this again. No way would I be going to that wedding.

TicTac80 · 17/08/2024 09:49

YADNBU!!! Bloody hell, I know I'm single now but even my XH wouldn't have stood by and watched someone do that to me. He went bat shit at a couple of his now (ex) friends when he heard they were using racist slurs against me (I wasn't there and wouldn't have known about it), and that was AFTER I divorced him!

Your "D"P has shown you exactly where he puts you in the pecking order. I wouldn't be going to that wedding, and I'm so glad that you're in recovery now and getting yourself to a better place mentally and financially. Wishing you all the best x

Penguinmouse · 17/08/2024 09:52

IcyPeachMaker · 12/08/2024 14:46

Just a few things to add, the person getting married is another of partners cousins that I've only met once in last 18 years, so not somebody I'm that bothered about.
Parnter says he will always back his own family as there blood. Believe me it caused a huge argument and I have spent a lot of time thinking do I actually want to be with somebody like this but unfortunately I had a bad mental health breakdown a few years ago and I'm only just getting myself in a financially independent state to be able to do anything about it

Im so sorry OP. I hope you get to a position where you can leave.

You’re not unreasonable to not want to go, you were assaulted and your husband laughed it off as a joke. The only slight unreasonableness is the short notice for the bride and groom but your DH can deal with that.

AuntyFunGal · 17/08/2024 12:27

Your mental health will improve tenfold when you leave your - I’m not sure what to call him. He’s not your partner - there’s no partnership.

make a leaving plan & stick to it. You can’t trust him. At best he’s someone you share bills with.

Greenhedge1 · 17/08/2024 13:00

No do not go.
Keep working at getting well and get as far away from that loser you are with asap.

Jumpingoffthefence · 17/08/2024 15:21

What a horrible experience for you, shameful behaviour from all involved.

Your partner doesn’t sound like he listens or respects you so I hope you find whatever it is you need to leave.

Don’t go anywhere you don’t want to be. If you’re being pressured then that’s more reason to leave this toxic family behind.

Not sure why so many excuses for this, when the action is akin to sexual assault!

DecoratingDiva · 17/08/2024 18:10

Never mind the wedding, you need a new partner. Anyone who thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable (he probably does a lot of horrible things he excuses as “banter”) and thinks you are being over sensitive and will always back his family over you is to be avoided.

Start working on your exit plan from this relationship.

btw - screw the wedding, he can go by himself if it means that much to him

NewName24 · 17/08/2024 20:04

DecoratingDiva · 17/08/2024 18:10

Never mind the wedding, you need a new partner. Anyone who thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable (he probably does a lot of horrible things he excuses as “banter”) and thinks you are being over sensitive and will always back his family over you is to be avoided.

Start working on your exit plan from this relationship.

btw - screw the wedding, he can go by himself if it means that much to him

This.

I started off thinking that I wouldn't miss an event I had been invited to, because another person invited didn't know how to behave. But, thinking on, this is the least of your worries.

Parnter says he will always back his own family as there blood. Believe me it caused a huge argument and I have spent a lot of time thinking do I actually want to be with somebody like this

.........but came to the conclusion you would stay with him ??? Confused
Even aside from the fact the man that assaulted you isn't actually "blood" relation to your partner so his argument is void. However, that clearly isn't the point.

HairyBanana · 18/08/2024 11:18

If someone had done that to me, my partner would have punched them. He's not a violent person, I've been with him 25 years and he's never been in a fight, but I know how he'd feel about that. The fact that your partner has said he'd choose his idiot cousin over you because of blood tells you that he's not a keeper. My partner's dad would have done the same (for me, let alone his wife). It probably would have ruined a family wedding, but it's a proportionate response to someone humiliating you in that way. At the very least it would have ended in a shouting match - the men in my life, both my partner and his dad, would have been bloody furious as they'd see it as their role to protect me from crap like that, and be devastated that it had happened at one of their own family events. Please, find a man who would be angry about that happening to you xxx

StardusttheMimikyu · 20/05/2025 14:39

"Your just being sensitive,"?! I get that he's drunk but that's no excuse to expose a lady! At least he should've apologized when he became sober again.
It's your choice. You're not comfortable? Then don't attend. I mean, what if he does sth even worse this time? (I'm late but I wanna show my support)

LifeExperience · 20/05/2025 14:41

I would dump any partner who thought it was okay for another man to expose me. That is sexual assault.

ShortColdandGrey · 20/05/2025 14:51

Your partner sounds like a nob and I hope you can get yourself in a better situation soon and leave him. Tell him you are not going to the wedding. say you would go if they were blood relatives but they aren't so not important to you.

CeffylCoch · 20/05/2025 19:20

Did you get an apology or were you just expected to forget it?