Book issue “spine broken”

[LoserWinner]

An acquaintance lent me a book she very much wanted me to read - a well-used paperback which was subsequently going to the neighbourhood free book exchange.

I read it and returned it.

Within hours she posted a passive-aggressive message to the group WhatsApp apologising for the broken spine. Apparently, by opening it fully to read it and leaving a crease down the spine, I have damaged it.

YABU —> it’s vandalism to bend the spine of a paperback
YANBU —> paperback spines are meant to be bent when you read

Oh gosh, I'm a cracker, I didn't even know that it wasn't the done thing! Yet another thing Mumsnet has taught me!

After about a third of the way through it’s anybody’s guess when a cheap paperback spine is going to crack.
It all adds to the thrill…

It really is. If I'm buying a book in a charity shop I often choose one with a fully creased spine - it means the reader is more likely to have enjoyed it and read through to the end!

I would never ever crack the spine on a book. Ever.
But I know it's a thing a lot of people do so I'd only lend something I expected to come back broken.
You need to be aware of your book spine cracker status and let people know in future who offer you books and she needs to get a grip and be aware this is something that happens to books and to make people aware of her rules
Neither are right or wrong just different.
Very different.

OK, books are made to be read, but a broken spine on a paperback will eventually lead to the pages all falling out.

If you'd done it to one of mine I would have been livid with you.

But it wasn't being returned to her, it was being passed on to a free book swap.

I am an inveterate spine cracker of my own books. I would be far more careful with a book that someone had loaned me and expected to have returned to their own collection. But if it was going to go on to a book swap then I'd be more relaxed.

Are you 100% sure she meant the message to be hurtful, and wasn't just being light hearted but you've been a bit sensitive?

If she definitely meant it to hurt you then frankly that's awful - so what if you damaged the book - people's feelings are WAY more important than a paperback book.

Given that she was giving it away, I don't think you have done anything wrong. If she had said "this is a treasured gift from my long dead mother, I will keep it forever" and you had bashed it about, I'd think you could have been carefuller.

If someone lent me a book before it went in a free book swap, I wouldn't be especially reverential I don't think.

Would you really be "livid", though?

In which case, what level of anger do you reserve for when people do actually deliberately bad and horrible things that really hurt you and those you love?

I'd have thought that's what "livid" is for. Damaging a paperback book you are about to give away - isn't mild irritation at most the appropriate emotional response?

I mean, yes we are all different - but seriously...

Livid?

I'm precious about my books and hate having a creased/broken spine. I don't lend my books to anyone because of this so I am firmly in the belief that she should never had lent it to you.

The only thing you can do is apologise and say you were careful. If she really plays her face or you want to really make it up to her then offer to buy her a new copy.

This is why I wouldn't loan a book I cared about, but if she was always planning to pass it along when you were finished with it (and assuming the pages aren't now loose), she shouldn't have said anything.

(I would make a mental note, however, that you were rough on loaned books and not loan you anything I wanted back... but as I already have a policy of not loaning out my personal books, it's a moot point.)

I am a librarian. She is bonkers. If it is a specialist book or a book she regards as precious then that is different, but a standard paperback? It's fine.