..to bring this up with friends?

[Sadadger]

I started taking part in a hobby with a few close friends nearly two years ago but for a while now (I’m not sure exactly how long) I’ve realised they’ve been meeting up to take part in the hobby without me.

We had a group chat and a fb group to organise it originally but nobody’s posted in either of them for a while and the last time I posted it was ignored so I think they must have created another gc for it without me. I’ve also found out they’ve followed through on a couple of ideas that I had suggested in the first place without ever mentioning it to me.

There’s a couple of other things this has happened with in the past with the same friends which hurt at the time but at that time my mental health was very poor and I was terrible company so I understand .

I’ve not long had my first child and they were incredibly supportive through my pregnancy and dote on my lo so I feel like I’d be ungrateful to kick up a fuss about this and I don’t want them to include me out of guilt rather than because they want me to but at the same time this has really hurt me and I feel like if I don’t bring it up I’m going to find it difficult to spend time with them without feeling resentful

So should I bring it up or just try and ignore it?

So sorry to hear this OP, that sounds really hurtful. Can you suggest a time/option to do this hobby and see if anyone takes you up on that or suggests you attend one of their arranged times? Failing that, I'd ask one of them that you feel most comfortable with.

I can see why you’re hurt but I can’t see any positive outcome from you bringing it up with them.

Can you make friends elsewhere so that you’re not so reliant on this particular group? Friendships do change over time.

So sorry this is happening to you OP. They seem really unkind to behave that way so do you still want to be friends with them anyway?

I'd bite the bullet and try and bring it up with one of them in a light hearted way.

"Hey, not trying to be a paranoid douche but just wondered what the deal is with archery club? I really liked going so was hoping we could ask go together again? It's it cos I've got crap at archery since birthing LO or have i accidentally offended Sara? No worries if you'd rather not say the reason but hope you don't mind me asking cos I miss us all doing it together"

Self deprecating enough that they can't take offence IMO? And nice and positive without being too clingy?

Can't wait to be told by all of MN it is in fact uber clingy...

Maybe they have assumed you can’t do the hobby at the moment with the baby?

I’d just say outright oh I heard you and X did the hobby the other day, I really miss doing the hobby please let me know next time and I’ll arrange a babysitter. If they are genuine they’ll be pleased if they’re leaving you out on purpose you’ll see them squirm.

If you know they're meeting without you, and they've done it before, I think maybe just back away and try to meet other people. They're not good friends if they're doing things behind your back.

What’s the hobby? Could it be because you were pregnant and then had a baby so assumed you couldn’t join them?

I would first rack my brains to see if I’d been annoying in some way. Not saying you are but some people get too competitive or bossy, or maybe go on about how good they are at the hobby, or make others feel self-conscious.

How did you find out?

If I did ask it would be in person with all of them so I could figure it out by their natural reactions rather than carefully worded text messages. I’d do it as nicely as possible though.

It’s more of a shared interest that we met up to do stuff related to than a traditional hobby. Think book club but we usually had/ went for a meal when we met and occasionally went to fayres or a bookshops.

I could understand if they’d stopped inviting me after wee one was born - I could technically still do it but would have to bring the baby and that would totally change the vibe - but this has been going on since just before I fell pregnant.

It’s not competitive (and I’m not competitive in any case) and I’ve always been happy to go with the group consensus but I must have annoyed or upset them some how.

The first time I found out it was because I’d bumped into them while they were out for dinner before they were taking part in it and then it’s been vague posts on social media or one of slipping up and mentioning it.