My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 21. When we first starting dating things were amazing. We tried new things together, we traveled, he seemed more supportive and helpful and was fun to be around. Things have changed so much and I'm over it. I use to do romantic things for him but realized he never did anything romantic for me. I've asked (even though I didn't want to) and nothing has changed. We do not live together never have but when he comes to visit(I don't visit him much because he lives with his parents) we only sit in the house. I have to plan things, I have asked to be taken out on dates and for flowers (I buy my own flowers now) and I always get excuses or he's asking me to plan things. And when I think about when we first started dating I made all the plans and found new places or told him to pack his bags because we were taking a trip. I don't want to do that anymore I want him to plan things. I know these things may seem small but on top of that I have to ASK him to clean the kitchen after I cook or clean the bathroom or pick up behind himself. This has been going on for a year and I've stopped asking. Last week when he came to visit I cleaned the bathroom did laundry (his as well) cooked and cleaned. And he said to me ( you're going to tire yourself out and I'm gonna let you) because I didn't ask him to do something he could see needed to be done. I'm sorry I don't think I should have to ask/tell a grown man to do the obvious. I don't mind cleaning my bathroom but he gets upset when he sees me cleaning and will ask me to stop because he doesn't want to see me on my hand and knees cleaning, but he won't clean. If you don't want me to do it and you're not gonna do it how is it going to get done?
Every night before bed I clean the kitchen and have been saying to him for years I don't like leaving dishes in the sink at night. I will wake up the next morning to open condiments on the counter and plates and silverware in the sink. Recently he was eating on the couch and dropped food and when I told him he dropped the food his response was(no I didn't do it) I didn't care to go back and forth about it so I cleaned it up. I feel so drained in this relationship. I don't go out with my friends much because then he will complain that we don't spend enough time together. Literally all we do is watch tv, talk and have sex. I have been saying to him that I feel like we're not as close as we used to be to be and I feel like if we backed away from the sex (for a while not forever) we could get things back to how they were. Flat out no from him he doesn't want to do it.
I don't feel as feminine anymore. No more lingerie, no more cooking and bringing him his plate, I don't do my makeup anymore, I don't send long text about how much I'm thankful for him. I was a lover girl and I just recently realized I don't do any of these things anymore. Now he does work and sometimes he ask if I need help with household essentials, but he has done things for me and threw it back in my face so I don't like asking him for anything anymore. I know I love him but I feel a disconnect on my end. We have had our bad days and it's like I don't know how to get over them and I'm trying so hard. I want us to get back to how we were and I want him to step up and do more. But I don't want to just de doing things his was or asking for a he obvious. I know if things don't change I will have to leave and I have told him in detail what it is I want/need and we're not progressing.
Just a small add on. For 2 years he has been telling me he wants to marry me, but he has things to work on. Which I get...but at this point I have heard these words so much that they don't hold any weight at all anymore.