How do you do it??

[AgathaSultana]

How do you do it all? Work, housework, cooking, literally the day to day stuff? I'm struggling with the mundanity of it. I'm a single mum of 2 disabled children, no family or friends here. I feel like im drowning in all the have to's I never get to do the want to's if that makes sense.
Could you share your routine? And how you stick to it?

Just to add I had an extremely abusive upbringing so I've never had a 'normal' life. I've never eaten properly and im trying for my children's sake but I'm just struggling with just normal life. Any advice welcome

Which are the moments of the day/week/month when you feel the most stressed?

Try to get enough sleep, if you can.

I don’t. We have two kids with ASD.

I work pretty much full time and DH is FT (wfh 2 days per week). We have a part time nanny, a cleaner, and help from in-laws.

Even with help we cannot keep up. I’m sitting here on Mumsnet when I have loads of stuff I should really be doing.

As a single mum with two children with disabilities you’re doing fantastically if you get everyone fed and in clean clothes imo.

Try the book "How To Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davis

I work like a donkey all day but 8pm is my cut off. No more housework after 8pm and the youngest is in bed by then so I have dinner and one bedtime over. Gives me a couple of nice hours before bed.

There's no special trick you're missing op. Working as a single mum to disabled children with no family support sounds incredibly tough....I think most people would struggle in all honesty.

All I can say is take whatever short cuts you can...and take as much care of yourself as possible. Yes, eating well, sleeping when you can...if you want to veg out and watch some TV instead of doing the housework, do it.

As a single mum with two children with disabilities you’re doing fantastically if you get everyone fed and in clean clothes imo.

Exactly

Thanks all. I will get that book because that's how it feels, like I'm drowning.
Before children I was an artist, I'd forget to eat, I'd go and buy paints and wander for hours, it was a very disorganised, laid back kind of life and now I have a hundred alarms to remind me to give the kids their meds, their appointments, when to order prescriptions, when to start dinner etc I just wish I could just pause time for a few days to just gather myself you know?

This with bells on.

I also recommend the KC davis book.

But .. start small. What is the thing that bothers you the most? For me it used to be that I could not seem to wash my Dcs bedclothes often enough. Just thr thought of stripping the beds and washing was too much for me. So I made a date of a Tuesday wash. Every Tuesday the Dcs bedclothes are in the wash and their beds changed.

Then I gradually built up habits. Now I am generally on top of things but it's taken years tbh to get things to a state where I feel like its all okay.

Wish I was brave enough to post a picture of the state of my living room and kitchen right now but I won't .

One asd dc, both ft. Recently got a cleaner (realise this is a privilege) to come once a fortnightly to do some heavy scrubbing, but the rest of the time I have lists on a big wall chalkboard (if I can't see it I forget), a rule that if the washing machine is silent I've missed something, fortnightly meal planner (gets boring but that's 14 meals so more variations than I had growing up).

It's still chaotic but as the dc get older it calms down. Like a pp, once it gets to a certain point in the evening I just give up and put the telly on or read a book. My kitchen is rarely perfect when I go to bed. Dishwasher on, stuff soaking, will sort it tomorrow is my view.

Presuming that your children have no special dietary requirements, the less sugary cereals like Weetabix are fine for breakfast plus a glass of water, juice or milk. Lay out the cereal box, the glasses, spoons and bowls for all 3 of you the night before (after clearing away dinner). Add a banana if they like them. Eat your own breakfast before waking/getting up the children, you will feel more able to tackle the day ahead.

Do your children have lunch at school? Hot lunch?

Quick dinners: pizza, breaded chicken or breaded fish or ready made lasagnes (or similar) with oven chips or potato waffles etc. Bung all in the oven. Serve with cherry tomatoes or salad leaves. Or beans on toast - cut the toast first with scissors and a spoon of beans on top of each. It's also fine to have a cold dinner of sandwiches with sliced cold meat or cheese with 'lazy' fruit like bananas, berries, plums that need minimal prep. Tinned fruit is also quick as no need to wash or peel, de-stone, etc.