Possible ADHD and the coffee table

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Bear with me, there is a link!

I have suffered my whole life with chronic disorganization. No matter how hard I try, things just get away from me. I procrastinate because I dont know where to start so it gets worse and worse to the point where you cant move in the house, I cant have people over as there is stuff everywhere I often end up in tears as I simply dont know where to start. Does this sound like ADHD? I put off things like calling to arrange MOT as it seems overwhelming because what if it fails, I would then have to organise that and it all gets a bit much. Oddly enough, with time I am so paranoid about being late that I am usually ridiculously early, so not late at all.

We came back from holiday yesterday, a week in an apartment that was easy to keep tidy as it was already tidy and we didnt have much stuff with us. Got back and am utterly ashamed at the state of the house. So I have made a start, I am going from one end of each room to the other and am being ruthless, I keep the image of that lovely flat in my head. But I am not thinking about the rest of the house right now. Just the lounge, I just need to do the lounge, then maybe I will have head space to do another room but if I think about that now it will overwhelm me, so I am just doing the lounge.

I have realised that the coffee table we have, which is lovely when it is clean and tidy, is just a dumping ground. Right now I have cleared some of it and there is.....laptop charger, sun cream, 2 battery candles with flat batteries, bag of dice (DSs) free nespresso mug in box, fruit bowl with several pairs of glasses, random charger cables, lego, pens and two lots of paracetamol in there, pile of papers and magazine, two tote bags that need their handles searing, a small pile of clothes that was going to the charity shop about 2 months ago, a t shirt, two tupperwares and a battery lamp.

I should get rid of the coffee table shouldnt I? I like it, it finishes the room when it looks how it should but it almost never looks as it should and no matter how good my intentions, it always ends up covered in crap for months on end. I worry though that if I get rid of the coffee table I will just find somewhere else to dump stuff. You kind of get used to the clutter and stop seeing it after a while, I think thats why this holiday helped me see it again.

I am so ashamed that at 51 I live like this, so please help.

And thank you to the other Mumsnetter who posted about her similar problems recently, you have given me the courage to admit to having this issue.

Get rid of what you can from the table: chuck the bags if in all honesty they will never be fixed, put stuff that has a home back in its home. Then stick the rest in a box under the table. Keep tidying: choose another location and do the same. Once you free up space then the stuff in the box might find a home and you can chuck the box. It’s a process but if you keep going you’ll get there eventually.

I am the same and have adhd. If I don't use the space, like a coffee table, it just becomes dumping area

There are some great videos on you tube that help with decluttering and keeping the house tidy.

We have an ikea basket on the table which holds remote controls, pens, paper, tissues, baby wipes, coasters and a small pencil case with various pens, pencils and scissors.

We recently bought a huge ikea kallax unit and I've been going through gradually filling up the boxes and drawers. One box has hats, gloves, scarves and winter accessories, one has books, one has crochet, one has craft, I've recently arranged medicine drawers as it was all thrown into a box and hard to navigate. Plus pieces were everywhere.

My health has been really bad, I'm always sailing from one drama to another so our house is more chaotic than I would prefer tbh. But I'm doing little bits by bits. I find it very veto difficult to stay organised and totally understand what you're saying. Small steps is all you can do. We have baskets at the top and bottom of the stairs to throw stuff in to go up or down. My husband can read my signals if I leave stuff to go up that I can't carry.

Hi @Words , good to run into you again! Sorry to hear you've had a rough year, though I suspected you must have. Have you been back on the WWETM threads again? I've not checked in for ages - felt like I was just saying the same things over and over again and had nothing new to add.

I am sort of a slob (you should have seen my bedroom when I was a teen), but actually my problem is that I am all or nothing. When I relax, yes, I'm a slob, I just want to watch TV, or lie on a beach and read, and I'll do those things for a really long time. But it's because when I'm working, I don't stop, I don't switch off, I'm relentless, and I have stamina that keeps me going for months. Until it doesn't - that's why I need proper nothing during down time. None of this is conducive to a daily routine, or keeping a house in order.

Well done on sorting it OP!

I don’t think on its own it means you have ADHD. Lora of neurotypical people are disorganised and struggle to get going and procrastinate. If you have other ADHD symptoms in addition you might want to go to the GP though.

@TheLeadbetterLife - no haven't been back to the thread as have nothing useful to add, and am currently no advert at all.

I too am all or nothing. Go through intense phases of concentrated effort and discipline at work and at home, then something big or small ( and the last year has been BIG) sets me off kilter and it all just slides away.

This is the worst it has reached though. DM me if you like ( though I mainly use the app so may not see a message immediately.)

I have ADHD and one of my coping mechanisms is to put everything away in its place. Mess makes me feel overwhelmed and knowing where to find stuff is reassuring as I'm always in a rush to find stuff and leave the house.

We have a coffee table but the only things that are "allowed" to remain in it are the coasters. Drinks and newspapers go on it during active use but are removed too dishwasher/recycling before bed. It's been the only way I can cope. I wasn't always like this. Until my late 20s my home was a shit tip and I could never find anything.

I did Marie Kondo a few years ago and massively reduced the amount of stuff. Sadly it's grown back so whilst my house looks tidy the cupboards and drawers are crammed. I need another big declutter but guess what, I'm putting it off because I'm overwhelmed!

I'd recommend The Lazy Genius. She has a couple of books and does a weekly podcast. Her tagline is 'be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that dont'. Try to work out what is important to you, its different for all of us. Good luck.

https://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/

The key is have a place for everything so you don't have to make decisions. Lots of little open boxes, you can decide where to put the boxes but the contents are non negotiable. Chargers in a charger box. Pens in a pen box. Suncream in the Suncream box. I live with clutterers who refuse to clean up as they go and can't decide where to put things so I have this system, i usually label boxes too. Once or twice a week they have to clean the kitchen counter, and the cycle starts again but at least it's clean for a day or two.

I think that the problem with "My solution is...." is that it works for you (which is great) but doesnt work for others because our own brand of fucked up is unique to each of us!

I havent found my solution yet. I have the ikea storage thing with the plastic boxes (is that Kalax? bought years ago) for the kids stuff. Youngest is 13 and it is still full of Happy Land stuff. I can put stuff away but after that.... So I keep putting stuff away but the space for that stuff gets full and then what? It overflows or gets ignored. Its why the conservatory hasnt been used in years.

I am working on it though.

Realistically what I need is for someone to come in, organise and throw out, and then for me to start again from scratch. I cant financially or emotionally afford that though unfortunately, but I am doing my best.

It’s another “my solution” so it might not work for you… 😂

If you have lots of things that need to be got rid off/sold/donated, you could try setting a 10 minute timer everyday and sorting through a drawer or box as fast as you can and taking out the stuff that needs to go.

If you are better at getting things done in one go but get overwhelmed mid task, I find it helps doing it with someone else to stop me getting distracted. Instead of paying a declutterer, would a friend fancy sharing a pizza or bottle of wine with you while you do it? If it doesn’t work for you, at least you will have fun! 😂

dont beat yourself up. My dining room table is currently a dumping ground for clean laundry which piles up until I cant stand it any longer. I dont have ADHD but am really badly organised

I am exactly the same as you @PyongyangKipperbang right down to the detail of coming back from a tidy holiday villa!

I am working on it. What works for me is splitting it up into small chunks and dealing with what I can before I become overwhelmed. I do not beat myself up over what doesn't get done. Doing small bits and then working on keeping those sorted helps to turn it into a habit.

I also often mutter "touch things once" to myself and try to deal with something properly the first time - so, when a milk carton is empty I try to rinse it and recycle it then and there, not leave it on the side for later.

I'm also trying to have a "net loss" of things in the house. So, more stuff going to charity and freecycle etc than comes in. This is very difficult!

Maybe a couple of nice wicker baskets under the coffee table ?

Completely with you @PyongyangKipperbang!
We need an MN decluttering volunteer service with a monthly kick-up-the-bum check in add on where needed

I havent found my solution yet.

I think the solution is to first recognise that the problem isn't always "not enough storage" but "too much stuff".

I do think the solution is to tackle one problem area and then work to keep it sorted so that it becomes habit and isn't overwhelming. The technique you use will depend on what works best for you but as a basic idea I do think it works.

With your coffee table, you have to keep forcing yourself not to just put stuff on it but to think about where that stuff should be and also that you are now a person who doesn't just put stuff on that table. it isn't easy!

For me, I do think the "baby steps" approach works. As long as I am always moving forwards and not back, it's good. I find the Stacey Solomon "sort your life out" programme both inspiring and absolutely terrifying. That approach would not work for me as it would just make me freeze and tip me over the edge into panic. I force myself to watch it as it does help recognise the problem and also see any tips for solving it.

Have a read about DOOM piles and ADHD.
www.deepwrk.io/blog/doom-piling-adhd

Thats really helpful, thank you

Thank you for sharing, Battery - this is really helpful for me too!

I don’t have a solution, but do have the same problems (and a diagnosis).
The rest of the household also ND.
If you haven’t come across ‘Goblin Tools’, look it up. I use it whenever I need to deal with a task/ room (eg tidy the kitchen, or sort out the coffee table).

Our coffee table at home is like this - it's mainly the kids and the husband to be honest, one child has inattentive ADHD, the other has hyperactive ADHD and the husband is definitely not neurotypical.

I got rid of the coffee table for a while, but we missed it too much and they just dumped everything on the footstool instead and we lost the TV remotes constantly - so I reinstated a very very small coffee table (it's a small nest of tables I bought from the charity shop and painted to match the decor)... they can ONLY fit a couple of mugs on there, the TV remotes and a small basket of DD2s fiddle toys that she tends to use when she's sat watching TV. That reduced the dump pile there down.

Let's not talk about the bloody dining table though!

I also have a "your stuff to put away" basket for each child and I throw anything I find lurking in the wrong places in there and then send them upstairs to put them away into their bedrooms. That kind of worked for a while - until they just filled the baskets with stuff they didn't want to put away!