Long story short my partner of 20+ years left a while ago and got immediately straight into another relationship. The other woman fell pregnant Immediately.
It's been a hard one for me but I've been Co parenting quite well for the children and disregarding my feelings about it as much as I can so it doesn't affect them
But recently I'm getting very angry about things. I usually keep my mouth shut to avoid an argument (plus he always manages to convince me I'm the irrational one) so some advice from others would really help me how to navigate this or tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
I mainly just provide for the kids myself. Ex is on benefits but also working cash in hand. His agreement was he'd pay x amount of cash per week for the kids. £30 each a week for both kids. It started out well, but then he started tofall behind in payments. He'd make up for it by paying in dribs and drabs when he could "spare" money.
But these last few months I feel like the piss is being taken out of me. I havent received a single penny from the start of June. He has the kids one evening for a few hrs every week and then over night every other weekend. When he has the children it's days out, toys bought for them etc eating out. Himself and his new partner are living a lavish lifestyle, go out all the time, he's wearing all these fancy branded clothing etc and so is his new child. Meanwhile I'm a single mum on benefits as I became very unwell shortly after he walked out. I don't mind that I don't have money to look after my own needs, whatever small amount of money I get pays the bills, runs the home, pays for food and whatever clothing my small children need along with the other expenses of kids as we all know. I barely get by. I cover everything the children need on my own on the very little I have. Until now I've said nothing as my ex has a very good way of spinning things back round and I feel to blame or like I'm being a c u.n.t
But these last few months I've been really angered by the lack of financial support to his two other kids. On social media and to everyone he's this great hands on dad and I just keep my mouth shut to avoid any trouble.
To date he owes me £540 in backdated payments alone. I recently purchased the school uniforms and all that's needed for returning to school which set me back roughly £300 never mind what it's cost in meantime as they needed new underwear, socks, shoes, clothing that they've outgrew. I couldn't afford any summer clubs or days out with the kids as I never have 2 pennies to rub together. I feel like absolute crap that I've never any money spare to do anything with them or treat them. I feel like I'm just existing. So ex has asked if he can take the kids for a week so he can take them on days out etc before school holidays are over and I'm furious and I'm unsure if I'm being unreasonable.
I feel bitter about everything but I'm not a bitter ex that pulls the kids into it all but in this instance I do feel like being that bitter woman yet I know it's not the answer. But I feel like saying no to him. I feel like saying you aren't providing financially at all towards your two other small children and I'm drowning in being a single parent footing everything alone, emotionally and financially, along with coping with the fact he walked out of our family and straight into creating a family with someone else immediately. I feel like saying you owe x amount of money here, which I really need to get us by. He has all sorts of excuses for never having money yet he works and gets benefits, she works and gets benefits as she is claiming she's a single mum. There's double the amount of money, if not more, than what me and 2 kids are surviving on. I foot everything for the kids myself, even out of school activities etc they want to go too. His other child just celebrated its birthday not very long ago and I had the unfortunate chance of someone telling me about the lavish party, cake, presents and party bags that was splashed out on from my ex, Fancy nights out and weekends away with the new partner. I just feel like he's providing so much for his other child and his new life like his other 2 children don't exist.
I haven't been able to afford any trips for the kids all summer, all I've managed are hours at the park or picnics etc... The bare minimum essentially. But he can swan in all of a sudden and look to take the kids and do all these amazing things and trips with them to make their summer and so they'll look at him as this really hands on father along with everyone else because it will be plastered over social media. I just feel like saying NO and I understand how unreasonable that sounds but I feel so angry at how he can do this. How he has many excuses as how he can't provide to our children and has left every responsibility on my shoulders yet he can afford to treat them and make them feel special in ways I can't because he has failed me and let me down just because he has a new partner and child and this new life to pay for. I'm really angry.
And the kids just think the sun shines out of their dad's ass and it breaks my soul. I obviously don't want the kids to not love their dad but it is soul destroying that they're so young that they don't understand mum does it all and there's reasons why I can't afford to buy them the flashy things dad can or the days out that dad can. That every single penny I have goes on survival and what they need. I cant even believe he has the audacity to say he wants the kids on a random week that suits him and her so they can spoil the kids when he knows I fork out for everything on my own and he sees I'm struggling financially. He genuinely thinks it's ok because he'll pay me the odd few quid here and then, in his head he genuinely thinks this is him contributing. I feel like he needs a lesson to see this is really wrong yet I know how pathetic that must make me sound. I'm just sick with how he's getting away with this and how he looks (and thinks of himself) as this providing involved father!
The unreasonable petty part of me thinks he doesn't deserve to get to do this esp when he's been living this high life and not helping towards the basic needs of his other kids, he knows I'll provide the basic needs of the children because as a mum you do! He gets all the fun of parenthood and left me with the hard shitty parts and I'm struggling and I'm angry now and I'm angry because the kids have begged me to take them to all the places he's going to take them and I couldn't because I couldn't afford to because of his lack of help, him claiming he can't afford to pay week after week but his new life suggests a different narrative. His children aren't a priority, the financial burden is left on me which is how he can afford his new life
I want to say no (but then I know I'm taking a fun week away from my kids and I'd feel like shit about it) but I'm also going to feel shit when they come home talking about dad made the summer for them and how their dad will also feel so proud of himself that he done such a good thing for the kids YET he doesn't provide gmfor them in any other sense. I'm just sick of it and I'm so angry it's making my blood boil. He doesn't deserve to get to do this, in fact I'm actually shocked that he is this man. I never thought he'd leave me completely to fend for myself and our two miracle kids and then go on that he's such a help to me because of how much he wants to see his kids.
What would you do in this situation?