Not to expect to have to put up with overtly racist comments whilst having a pub lunch with my mum and two daughters.

[lucyellensmum]

I am still seething three hours on.........even more angry with myself for not saying anything.

I have just been out for a pub lunch with my mum and two DDs, one 2.5 one 17. We had an OK lunch, nothing too special but it was fine. Then i went to play a game of pool with DD1, while my mum took DD1 out to play on the slide. This was a "nice" country type pub in a smallish seaside town. Not a rough and ready drinking house.

There was a group of men at the bar, and they started to discuss the germans and the holocuast and how they probably had the right idea and it would be a good idea to have gas chambers over here. Then went on to talk openly about the BNP and how they would definately vote for them if there was a local candidate . These weren't young hooligans showing off. The ages ranged from late thirties to poss early sixties. I just glared at them and when DD2 came back in did my best to ruin their day by letting her very noisily play with the pool balls. Then one of the old men made a comment about how the smallest things "make the most FUCKING (very loudly) noise). I was ready for a row by then, but just said "well at least she talks the most sense". I was shaking with anger.

We left at that point and i mentioned to who i thought was the landlord that i was less than impressed with their clientele, this guy knew who i was talking about and told me he had made the same comments to the landlord earlier today. I think he was a brewery rep. I guess there is no point complaining as the pub can't veto their customers opinions.

The thing is, my mum appears black due to a medical condition (so sadly have often had a taste of how the victims of racism are treated) so i am pretty sure the comments were directed at us. I just wish i was brave enough to say something but i was so angry i know i would have just ended up screaming and shouting and didnt think that appropriate in front of my two year old.

I was more upset about the holocaust comments tbh, stupid jokes about "time for a wash" - i bet this guys grandfather or a member of his family at least fought in the war - bet he would have been really proud . Makes you proud to be british dont it.

Completely for you.

Oh God. Sorry you had such a shitty day.

Don't beat yourself up over not saying more- it's risky when you have children with you because you don't know how the arseholes men would've reacted.

find out who owns the pub and complain to their head office. Where was the landlord. I have actually thrown customers out of my pub for making racist comments and called the police. So sorry for you crap time. Please cat me your details and i will send you some money off vouchers for the pub chain who i work for. We welcome children

I would have been furious to hear that. Some people have zero brains and are stuck in their little bubble of ignorance, bigotry and stupidity.

I hope you don't mind me asking lem, but what condition does your mum have?

Good advice from mehdismummy. Now normally I support the right of everyone to hold and express whatever stupid unpleasant opinions they like, but these tosspots were not exactly having a private conversation and by the sound of it were directing their horrible remarks at you, which is pretty much bordering on illegal. The landlord should have at least told them to be quiet.

please please please complain to the pub, or better still head office. and go into detail!
Loads of pubs have policies about language at the bar, the pub i was in the other day had a big sign up saying people using foul language will be asked to leave. esp. if it was a foody/family pub.
im really sorry you had to go through that. i know what u mean about about not being able to say anything.....i wouldnt have been able to control myself if i had got started!

Oh that is so depressing, poor you. I would def complain, if only so that perhaps the pub will tell those men that their remarks are unacceptable. You may not change their attitudes, but you might be able to stop other people hearing them.

yes, you should complain, and explain that this type of experience makes you not want to go in the pub- they need to know they risk losing custom. ( you can tell them I shall boycott them for example!)I would never go in a place if I thought I was likely to overhear stuff like that. Did you mean one of your dds is 17 years? or months? If years I would take the opportunity to talk with her about how stupid some people are. And how hard it is to know what to do for the best.

ps and don't beat yourself up for not saying anything, it is hard esp with your Mum and young dd in tow.

I wish I had said something to the man who ran a trolley in to my 2 year old last week but was worried what he might do so I can sympathise. Some people just need a sense injection.

mehdismummy, thankyou for your kind offer, that is very sweet, although i dont expect compensation. I am going to write to the landlord as these peoples behaviour was vile and intimidating. The landlord didnt appear to be around, although with hindsight i rather wished i'd asked to see him/her. These men were just awful, one of them even openly reffered to his wife as his old slapper, he said this to the barmaid, i felt sorry for her.

That was the annoying thing, the staff were lovely, fell over themselves to be nice to DD, even when she was weilding a cue towards their nice green pool table .

I guess i am just disappointed that these sorts of attitudes are prevelent in every day society and people are more than happy to voice them. I am sensitive about racism because of my mum, but i hate it generally, all of it.

2shoes, i dont mind you asking at all - my mum had cushings disease which is caused by a benign tumour on the pituitary gland. To treat this they removed her adrenal glands as the condition causes excess steroid production. Its quite complicated. Anyway, the pituitary also controls melanin production and this goes unchecked so she is almost as black as the ace of spades yet still used to sun worship . Nowadays this would be treated very differently but she had it 40 years ago.

dd1 is 17 yrs and dd2 is 2. DD1, was getting a bit angry so i thought it best to leave, she doesnt have my sensible gene and would have kicked off if i didnt take her out of the situation. Shes quite street wise though and just said "bunch of wankers" thats my girl!!!

good lass

she is and gorgeous too.

please give me your email addy then i can send you some

I dont think i have the facility to CAT. Thanks for the offer, gone all shy now

it scares me that 'normal' people can think like this, and support the BNP.

my email is [email protected] please email me dont be shy!