Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been on my own for 5 days

30 replies

Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 12:49

With Dd, 5, and I’m exhausted.
Dh is away with work for a week. I live abroad so no family around, lots of friends but they have their own families etc, I’d only reach out in an emergency. Dd is wonderful, but very intense and energetic, v wilful (going through assessment for adhd)
She’s not fallen asleep until 9.30 ish and up at 6.30. I think it’s doing every bedtime that’s been harder (Dh and I normally alternate)
Ive just found it such hard work and take my hat off to single mums 💪
Is this normal? Feels a bit pathetic, but to only have a couple of hours to myself once she’s asleep, then falling asleep myself makes me feel so trapped

OP posts:
Dramatic · 10/08/2024 12:51

No it's not unreasonable for you to feel like this, it's hard going on your own. I was a single parent for 6 years and felt very much alone even though I had people around to help on occasion, it's the everyday grind that gets you down.

Original poster
Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 12:54

@Dramatic I can imagine, that’s incredible you did that 🤍
I mean, tbh I do the majority of everything anyway as he works more hours, but with it being school holidays and then by bedtime, I have zero patience left and just want to be alone, not with my Dd getting up and down or continuing to talk my ear off 😩it’s the lack of space/peace

OP posts:
PlantDoctor · 10/08/2024 12:55

Those are long days with a young kid. I know I'm glad for DH to take over in the evening sometimes, with a similar age DD. We don't have family help either so I know it's relentless!

Original poster
Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 13:07

@PlantDoctor Yes, I always think I could do it all on my own..but maybe I couldn’t, at least until she’s older 10 plus maybe

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 10/08/2024 13:16

On another occasion is there anything like a holiday scheme DD could go to? It would give you a break during the day.

Wantitalltogoaway · 10/08/2024 13:48

I’m a single parent to 3 DC so, in the nicest possible way, 5 days with one child seems pretty easy to me.

I have friends who make a big deal of it when their husbands go away for a week and I’m afraid I do have limited sympathy. It’s only a week. It’ll be over soon.

Singleandproud · 10/08/2024 13:56

I always incorporated activities I wanted to do.

Radio/ podcast on in the background to have some other adults nattering in the background.

We always coslept so just watched something on a tablet with headphones in or read one of my books outloud until she fell asleep.

Theatre/cinema trips might not be to the show if my liking but the experience was always better than not going at all. Same with museums and art galleries, we would get something out of it.

I also trained DD to have 'quiet' time during the day where we settled down with a hot drink and a couple of biscuits already or did puzzles etc and slowly increased the time so that I got some time to read and decompress.

If she's ADHD then you'll want to incorporate more active sessions but it can still be something you want to do rather than solely aimed at her.

A big cardboard box / preprinted castles etc and pens/ paints kept DD busy for ages. Then she'd cut up a magazine or catalogue and PVA glue it to the inside - all done on top of a cheap shower curtain.

Original poster
Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 14:47

@Wantitalltogoaway I think it depends on the child/chindren. I worked for years as a nanny and am now a teacher, I can deal with whole groups of children easily, but Dd is a tough one!

OP posts:
Rainpigeon · 10/08/2024 16:13

I'm in a really similar situation. I'm in a foreign country that we haven't been in for long and my partner has been away for a month. Today is my daughter's fifth birthday and we have come to a beach club, no specific children's activities unfortunately but I am so bored and lonely. I was a single mum through COVID and for around 3 years but I never felt as alone as now. The only adult conversation I have is when my partner calls me after his shift. It's not the first time I've lived abroad so I knew what to expect from that side. It's my first time alone with a five year old though! Solidarity! I know I will appreciate the time with my partner when he gets back.

Rainpigeon · 10/08/2024 16:15

Dd also doesn't want to sleep at night and I know I have to get her up early in the morning to start to shift the night time patter but I enjoy those few hours peace the most!

Original poster
Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 16:58

@Rainpigeon It can be really hard 💜
Which country are you in?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 10/08/2024 17:01

Are you wearing her out enough? Lots of park trips, running around etc.. maybe an early evening walk to tire her out a bit before bed.

Dramatic · 10/08/2024 17:03

Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 14:47

@Wantitalltogoaway I think it depends on the child/chindren. I worked for years as a nanny and am now a teacher, I can deal with whole groups of children easily, but Dd is a tough one!

Caring for children who aren't yours as a job is much easier than your own.

Donotneedit · 10/08/2024 17:16

When you’re a single parent you get into the swing of it and let go of any hope of doing anything else I think. You’re also alone with finances, decisions..it’s so much more than just looking after your kid while the other parent is off earning money or whatever. it is relentless and lonely in many ways
suspect it’s particularly hard as you’re not in the routine of it.

Beezknees · 10/08/2024 17:23

I've been a lone parent since DS was a baby.

5 wasn't too bad, the toddler years were worse.

I am not needed for anything now other than feeding him and pocket money 🤣 (he is 16)

Rainpigeon · 10/08/2024 17:31

Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 16:58

@Rainpigeon It can be really hard 💜
Which country are you in?

We're in Morocco. How about you? Have you lived where you are for a long time?

mayfridayjune · 10/08/2024 17:34

As a LP for 11 years, seriously, you can do a week.

AngelusBell · 10/08/2024 17:36

Beezknees · 10/08/2024 17:23

I've been a lone parent since DS was a baby.

5 wasn't too bad, the toddler years were worse.

I am not needed for anything now other than feeding him and pocket money 🤣 (he is 16)

I was a lone parent for 15 years - DD now an adult - and it is hard, but enjoy the time because you will look back and think these were the happiest days of your life. Lots of exercise helps - miles of walking.

Original poster
Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 17:36

@mayfridayjune Ok.

OP posts:
AngelusBell · 10/08/2024 17:36

AngelusBell · 10/08/2024 17:36

I was a lone parent for 15 years - DD now an adult - and it is hard, but enjoy the time because you will look back and think these were the happiest days of your life. Lots of exercise helps - miles of walking.

Show quote history

This was meant as advice for the OP by the way!

AngelusBell · 10/08/2024 18:43

Lookatthesizeofthatpizza · 10/08/2024 12:54

@Dramatic I can imagine, that’s incredible you did that 🤍
I mean, tbh I do the majority of everything anyway as he works more hours, but with it being school holidays and then by bedtime, I have zero patience left and just want to be alone, not with my Dd getting up and down or continuing to talk my ear off 😩it’s the lack of space/peace

With my DD I went to bed when she did and she never, ever woke later than 6.30 am so I sympathise. It’s hard enough without being sleep deprived.

seedsandseeds · 10/08/2024 22:19

I've done this for 6+ years singlehandedly.

5 days should be a doddle.

CaspianPlover · 10/08/2024 22:35

You have a night owl, tell her she does not have to sleep but she must rest her body, she can look at books ( give her a torch) or play quietly and must not disturb others. I found that this helped me to sleep and stop worrying and making a big deal out of it. She is still a night owl many years later!

RaininSummer · 10/08/2024 22:38

I was on my own for 3 to 4 months at a time with 2 children for all of their early childhood and then a single parent for the rest of it. Sometimes I don't know how I did it really but we all have to just do what is needed don't we. If you are not used to it you probably don't have the daily routine sorted as not used to doing it alone.

JellyWellyBoots · 10/08/2024 22:57

I've been on my own since DD was 5m.
It's hard, relentless & exhausting. If I could purely focus on my child without the additional stress & pressure of everything else I would cope a lot better as a parent. Its having to do ALL the adulting on top of the parenting plus working, running a home, bills, shopping, car keeps breaking down, DD's bday is coming up.

I get so tired sometimes I could just sit and cry. It doesn't stop, some days I just float through. People keep saying enjoy every second but it's hard when you can't even process a thought or emotion without being interrupted.
Even when I meet with friends and try to have a conversation I always feel like I'm just background noise as DD will interrupt & the focus will shift to her.

I can't remember the last day I wasn't tired in the last 7 years.

You can manage a week.