To think life before kids was a dream

[Sunriseorsunset]

I love my Dd to bits and obviously wouldn’t be without her, but looking back to our *Old life, it was just so easy and carefree, things I thought were problems really really weren’t, so much free time to just do whatever you please, so much fun as a couple, life was so stress free, peaceful
and calm, I felt so young still. The difference between life with and without kids is just so huge and I only have one

I am at a completely different stage and you may not be able to relate at all, but here goes.
My ds has just graduated from university, found a job and moved to a flat. He's not far away but unlike all the coming and going of uni, he is 'gone'. He has much less free time to meet for coffees or lunch. I am bereft. I am looking back at all those years of parenting thinking that they were the most fulfilling of my life and missing them terribly. I have a fulfilling job, friends, a wonderful dh but something is missing.
And sadly the worry/stress never goes away - don't know how old your dc is but it escalates!
So enjoy the young years when you are still the centre of their world.

How old are they?

Was just thinking the same myself today, obviously wouldn't change it but life was much easier. Xx

This literally brought a tear to my eye. My 2 sons are 11 months and 3 years old and I am exhausted 😂

OP I hear ya!! But read that response!! They grow up so fast!!

Remember holidays lol...that's the one that kills me the most...or a random trip to the cinema/night away.

I couldn't agree more OP. I have 2. Every minute of the day revolves around them and their needs. I sit down exhausted around 9pm with all the housework still to do which I might do then or let it build up until the next day. House looks like we've been ransacked. No couple time, too tired to get a babysitter and go out. Holidays are shit if you want to do anything but sit by a pool. One of the worst things for me.
I don't know when it gets better, mine are 3 and 7 and it's getting worse if anything. Solidarity.

Honestly I was quite an anxious 20 something. I worked myself silly and didn’t have much fun. So I have a much happier life now with a bit more work life-balance/perspective.

It sounds like you DD is very young and so you're still adjusting to the new way of life. I felt the same up until DS was 2. He was the most adorable at that age and I went and had another. Now they are 3 and 6. Things are still exhausting but so much better than the earlier chaotic stage. We've found a bit of a rythm. Next year, DS2 will start school and it's crazy how quickly it's coming around.

I feel as though I'm getting more of my life back and sense of self, only now I have my 2 lovely children too.

Hang in there. The early years are HARD. I'm still in that stage but I can appreciate how much easier and enjoyable things are becoming.

She’s 6, assumed it would get easier!

The freedom comes back. Mine are school aged and I have plenty of free time during school hours/term-time - more than some child-free adults who work long hours. I still have the responsibility and stress, but I can switch off for a while and do things for me.

I was anxious and miserable and did little with my time other than work and the odd night out. My life is so much better since my daughter. We moved to a lovely village, have great friends, more active social life and i do more because i want her to have great experiences. I am aware and extremely grateful that she's so easy going and never any trouble.

Yep I could pretty much sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, go where I wanted, when I was ill I could actually rest etc etc 🤣

They're kids for just a blink of an eye. Then they've gone and you're on your own.

You'll miss the children days when you've 'got your life back'.

I don't miss the " children" days at all. My youngest is almost 21 and for the first time in 33 years I am free

I remember before having a child, my husband had to go overseas for work for a few months. I remember speaking to him in tears because I was annoyed a had to do (a fairly mundane but easy household chore every day!) and I remember wailing that "I just couldn't cope"

A couple of years later we had a baby. Needless to say it was a huge shock to the system and for years I felt like my life wasn't my own anymore and just missed quiet, the ability to go to the toilet and shower uninterrupted etc or to pop out to the shop on a whim, among many other things.

Unless you have family on tap to help (we didn't) then it can feel very suffocating especially when they're very young. It does get better as they age though.

And yet so many of us are still called selfish for deciding we like that life, wouldn't enjoy life as a parent and don't want to sacrifice it for children :(

Hang in there OP, I obviously am not a parent so don't have inside knowledge but a bunch of my friends now have 11-16 year olds and they're suddenly much more available and going back to their own hobbies and things because the kids are much more independent than when they were primary age!

DD was a surprise, a little ahead of schedule when I was 25 and now DH and I hadn't been together all that long! So we didn't have lots of time before DC tbh, less to miss However, DD is now almost 12 and DS 9. There have been tiring bits and a lack of freedom for sure but I can honestly say I am so fulfilled by raising them, it's going so fast. The way I see it there should still be plenty of time after they're done with hanging out with me for me to do my own thing.

Really this just doesn't help people that are struggling 🙄 especially when the "blink of an eye " is 20 + years. FFS.

@Justhereforaibu1 im so surprised at 3 and 7 it’s getting worse! Is it the bickering?

just interested as I have a nearly 4 and nearly 2 yo and just cannot bear the thought of it getting worse!!

No one is more surprised than me 🤣
Constant bickering about everything. Refusal to do anything, even get dressed, by both sometimes. No additional needs as far as we know. Wanting constant stimulation and parental input. Things are better when the eldest has certain friends round but bickers with other friends too!
We are both older parents so completely exhausted all the time.

I agree. I was infinitely happier before DC. If I could go back in time, I would have stayed child free.

I had DC1 quite young and by accident. I feel like I don't really know adulting without her but when I see people with their lives together at my age now deciding to have kids I think don't do it!

Ditto. I spent nearly thirty years (five children) being 'mum' and now they all have independent lives I really don't miss the drudgery, the arguments, the vanishing food and the dreadful TV at all!

But then most of them live close by and I can visit often. I might miss the whole parenting thing more if they all lived away.