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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to still be so terrified of divorcing?

5 replies

itsallsohard · 09/08/2024 11:12

After 30 years of marriage, I have to face that I simply cannot take any more from my husband. No point going into why the real question is why I've tolerated him so long, but I think I just couldn't face how stupid I've been in not leaving him after the first year. I'm 59, he forced me out of work at 34 because he always insisted his career come first and that involved moving country repeatedly. I wanted a stable background for our children (both over 18 now, but the younger one has SEN including ASD and will never live independently). For the past 10 years I have also been bogged down looking after not one but both my parents who both separately died of dementia in the past six months, so I have just plain avoided facing this extra stress.

There should be a reasonable amount of money, not Fiona Shackleton for Paul McCartney levels but enough if we both downsize to flats. But he's an accountant and has form for hiding money. As I say, our younger son will never be able to live independently. I am 59 and (at my husband's insistence) haven't worked for 25 years. Obviously I have a claim on assets but does anyone know if I’m likely to get any maintenance for myself, and child support for our disabled son? Anyone recommend a good lawyer in London?

OP posts:
itsallsohard · 09/08/2024 11:13

P.S. ignore all the strike-outs, they were not deliberate

OP posts:
Duckduckgoose24 · 09/08/2024 11:16

No solid advice about your specific situation, but don't let him, it anyone else, underplay the unpaid work you've done to support your family, which in turn supoorts his continued career progression and pension contributions.

TheSquareMile · 09/08/2024 20:21

itsallsohard · 09/08/2024 11:12

After 30 years of marriage, I have to face that I simply cannot take any more from my husband. No point going into why the real question is why I've tolerated him so long, but I think I just couldn't face how stupid I've been in not leaving him after the first year. I'm 59, he forced me out of work at 34 because he always insisted his career come first and that involved moving country repeatedly. I wanted a stable background for our children (both over 18 now, but the younger one has SEN including ASD and will never live independently). For the past 10 years I have also been bogged down looking after not one but both my parents who both separately died of dementia in the past six months, so I have just plain avoided facing this extra stress.

There should be a reasonable amount of money, not Fiona Shackleton for Paul McCartney levels but enough if we both downsize to flats. But he's an accountant and has form for hiding money. As I say, our younger son will never be able to live independently. I am 59 and (at my husband's insistence) haven't worked for 25 years. Obviously I have a claim on assets but does anyone know if I’m likely to get any maintenance for myself, and child support for our disabled son? Anyone recommend a good lawyer in London?

@itsallsohard

I wonder whether Bindmans would be a good fit for you, OP.

https://www.bindmans.com/legal-services/individual/family-law-solicitors/

Roselilly36 · 09/08/2024 20:52

sorry You are in this situation, take copies of bank statements if you think he could try and hide assets. It doesn’t matter who creates the wealth, it’s a joint asset that should be shared 50/50. Good luck Op.

ByCupidStunt · 09/08/2024 20:54

No you won't get maintenance for yourself - not sure about your son though, how old is he?

And your husband won't be able to hide money, he has to declare all of it.

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