To feel really isolated and lonely

[CrazyMeee]

I’m feeling really lonely. I didn’t really have friends growing up. I grew up in an area where I was very different to the others so I just accepted this. Since having kids I’ve tried to change this but I feel so fed up and broken.

I met up my DD’s friend yesterday with the mum and both our youngest ones too. I’ve met her loads of times and it’s been okay but yesterday I was exhausted so didn’t really talk much but I did really try, I saw her checking her watch multiple times! I know it was boring for her. I just don’t feel conversation flows easily for me.

im feeling so broken and fed up. I actually feel worse today after meeting her. Not only her I feel like that with lots of people.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time, you’re not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many people struggle with forming connections, especially when they feel different or have had past experiences that make socializing challenging.

forming lasting connections often takes time, and it’s okay to feel how you do. You’re making an effort, and that in itself is a positive step forward. 💐

@VibeVanguard thank you. I just keep replaying the playdate yesterday and wish I hadn’t gone

The way I figure it, you'll either stay how you are and likely live the remainder of your life without new friends, or keep challenging yourself and maybe make some new close friends to share your time with. I say you keep it up. 🙂 A bit of awkwardness never hurt anyone... though I acknowledge awkwardness is indeed awkward. No need to force it with someone you don't click with, mind.

As an aside - if you had friends you lost touch with - try re-connecting, you may be surprised how chuffed they are to hear from you. I did this recently and it's been nice.

Best of luck from a fellow struggler with the art of being social

Is there something you like to do that you could join a group for- like a book club? Then you are not under pressure to make small talk or make conversation flow- you can talk about the book.

You could just text her and say sorry if I was quiet yesterday I wasn’t feeling great, that’s what I’d do but then I am an over sharer!
Keep talking to other mums as eventually you will click with one.
Have you got any interests which you might share? Or any clubs you fancy? Or have you seen any mums with a similar style to you?
I’m really socially awkward and introverted and read books like “Win Friends and influence people” 😂 but every now and then someone gets my weirdness and there’s a connection.
Sometimes chatting to people online can help the loneliness too 💐

Aww OP your post made me feel really sad. I can relate to a little of how you feel. I have always found it hard to make friends and I'm not a person people naturally gravitate too. I second the advice regarding hobbies where you might meet like-minded people-there are actually a lot of us who struggle in social situations!

I can relate to this.

I find it exhausting at times, and don't fit in my area. I often find small talk with other parents more awkward than other types of social situations.

Work, hobbies and volunteering can be good because there isn't an expectation to keep the conversation going constantly. You're doing other activities and then break out into conversation.

Then there's the expectation that you'll be back next time, so you naturally encounter each other.

You might think this is wild, but perhaps go to church. LOTS of awkward people there and some of the oldies are very friendly who just yabber on and don’t notice when you are quiet.
I am a fellow anti social person.

Could you text the other Mum and say you were just knackered yesterday and sorry if you were a bit quiet?

Thank you everyone. I did tell her yesterday at the time I was really tired and said sorry I’m not good company, I just don’t feel she really likes me! But the kids are good friends.

I have friends who are a bit quiet and a little 'boring' I suppose but they are lovely kind people so I don't care if they aren't providing me with top level entertainment.

I think play dates can't be tricky unless in a group or unless you get on very well. It's much better to do something which involves the adult version of 'parallel play' so you don't have the pressure to be chatty or entertaining.

Sport is an easy way to do this. There are loads of options about. It doesn't have to be expensive or difficult. You could just go walking with a group if you aren't up to more sporty sport. Otherwise a playful fun sport such as badminton is good. You can chit chat easily between games. Look what's on locally.

Volunteering or craft groups are other options.

I bet there is something out there for you.