Am I stupid to offer this option to ex?

[Honeymonster2]

So my family live 4 hours away, i would like to move closer to them... Kids see their dad a few hours on a Sunday each week, I planned on suggesting that change to an overnight sat to sun every other week when he manages to move out of his mums spare room.

He obviously won't be best pleased if I say we're up and leaving even if his access wouldn't change, it's the principle of it I imagine.

Would I be crazy to give him the tenancy on my social housing home so he gets the house and I move in to private rent by my family. My thinking is it would sweeten the situation for him as he doesn't have his own place and has no plans to move out because of the money involved. But it would mean I lose the security of a social house... but would potentially get the move? He might just say no to all as a control move anyway

Thanks everyone, I'll keep it. I know it would be stupid, but it's hard not to feel desperate when I'm so alone here

I would definitely not give up social housing tenancy to be at the whim of a landlord and lose housing security.

I would try and swap if I wanted to move closer.

No, this has nightmare written all over it. You could get in trouble with the council- plus what if he moves friend/ new girlfriend in whilst your name’s on the tenancy and creates merry hell? You’d end up never being able to get social housing again.

Plus why are you still trying to appease him. It’s not like it’s Australia. And he only sees them for a few hours. If it’s best for the kids just go and tell him what you’ve told us- when he gets his own place he can see them more.

He can get the court to order me back, or rather order the children back and I obviously won't be without them so me as well. He would argue they don't have easy access to him and have grown up here from birth, have clubs and schools etc. They used to see there nan and grandad here too, but since Christmas they have been abandoned.

I'm in two minds, do I tell him of my intentions so we have time to work out arrangements etc or do I wait til I've found a swap, which could take forever, but he could put a stop to it anyway

If I were the one moving away, I'd sweeten it by making it clear I would facilitate all the drop-offs and collections. If I was moving 4 hours away from my ex through choice I wouldn't be expecting him to do the legwork so I'd make that clear from the start.

Can't you do a house swap and get social housing in your new area?

You're going to do an 8 hour round trip to drop them off every other Saturday and then the same every other Sunday to collect them?

Even if you find somewhere to stay overnight won't that get very expensive and time consuming? I think you'll hate it and so will the kids.

@Honeymonster2

I think at this point you really need to speak to a solicitor. There are enough 'what ifs' that you need to find out the likelihood of the courts in your area ordering you back, ordering you to do all the driving, or simply saying that you can go, but the children stay. You also need to think about how likely it is that he will take you to court and his (and/or his family's) financial ability to do so.

IMHO you could probably offer him a chauffeured limo to transport back and forth or accommodation in a 5 star hotel in your 'new' town for overnight visits and he'll most likely say 'no', if he feels it will negatively impact his relationship with his DC or if he just wants to be a jerk. So if you're serious about this move, if this move would drastically improve your children's lives (and yours) then you need solid legal advice. You may find out that your proposed move would be acceptable to the courts or you may find that it would be impossible. But before you tackle him with anything, you need to know where you stand. No point in antagonizing him unnecessarily. Forewarned is forearmed.