playdates DD excluded

[jjhbcrt]

DD has a loose ish group of six school friends and one of the mums usually coordinates holiday clubs so three or four of them would do the same club for a week or two. DD loves that as her brother usually goes to a football club and she isn't keen. However, each day, the same mum usually picks up the other girls whoever happens to be around that week for a group playdate/childcare. Obviously that's all fine. However, DD is regularly upset as she feels excluded. I have tried to invite the friend to ours but the usual response is 'oh we are having so and so over.....' During term time DD also does a couple of activities with this friend when we usually take turns taking the girls there and back.

Obviously no one owes anyone playdates. But DD is also the only one who is always excluded and she counts this girl as one of her best friends. How would you best manage it?

I would suspect it will be due to the other parents working and asking that particular parent to pick up - how old is DD?

Either she or her child doesn’t want to spend him with your child or she organising things in advance and by the time you ask she already has plans. Which one do you think it is?

I would say to the mum who is taking them, would the girls like to come over to yours and the mum too and both of you can have a coffee and some cake or a glass of wine and a chat. Let her tell you when she's free to do that. I would try and get something fun prepared for the girls to do dependent on age (crafts set up? Inflatable hot tub if they're older? Masterchef activity where they create their own pizza or something?) and just explain that your daughter feels excluded and gets quite upset because she considers the girls her friends so you would like to host something so they can come over.

So we are all working - and it's a rush for everyone. I do also appreciate that their child might not want to spend time with DD - but then why include us in coordinating holiday clubs - this isnt on a group chat but reaching out individually. Also, it feels a bit rude that we're good enough to share lifts and taking her DD to things during term time but not for holiday club.

But it's also not only about the mum but how best to manage it with DD. They are 7 and whilst she definitely doesnt expect to be invited for every playdate - she does find it hard to be permanently excluded.