Men so selfish are all of them like this

[spanieleyes22]

So my BIL snores badly and my sis is going through menopause and is struggling with her sleep. She goes to bed first and falls asleep but when he comes in and starts snoring she is often laying awake for hours so she's started going into the spare room to try and sleep there. But if BIL wakes up and she's not in the bed he has a huge tantrum and says she is breaking up the marriage as she won't stay in bed with him . Honestly it makes me glad to be single when I hear things like this

Ew.

Ew.

She offers two choices.

He fixes the snoring, if that's even possible.
Or they have separate rooms.

Make the 'spare' room her room. Make other sanctuary away from the snorting tantrum thrower.

Personally... I'd leave. Fuck him.

No, they aren't. He's just a giant dickhead

If she really Ioved her husband she'd be willing to go without sleep to prove it?

How the hell have we got here. She's not complaining about being disturbed every night, she's just doing what she can to get some rest and he's the one complaining.

Is there any chance she's looking to leave the arsehole she's married to?

No of course they’re not all like that. He’s a selfish dick.

He's a dick. I too occasionally get woken by DHs snoring. The struggle is real

He’s a prick and she should leave him. Sleep deprivation is torture.

Pathetic. I'm the snorer and DP goes to the other room. No fights, we both get a decent rest!

She needs to tell him that she is moving into the spare room until he has made an appointment for the doctors to find a solution to his snoring because it's unbearable. If he says she's breaking up the marriage, I would respond with, "No you are breaking up the marriage by knowing that trying to stay in bed with you while you are snoring so loudly makes me physically and mentally exhausted and yet you've done nothing to try to fix the issue"

Tell her to ask him if he would like to live to see another day! I tried so hard to put up with DH's snoring, because I didn't really want to sleep in the other room, but after 7 nights of virtually no sleep, he woke up to me bracing myself to put a pillow over his head! At that point, we both realised that sleeping separately was NECESSARY, because being woken every night and frequently disturbed by a snorer, is a form of torture, which can really turn your mind!!

Sleep deprivation is not a long be language. Your BIL is being an absolute bellend.

yep - glad to be single.
He is a completely selfish dick.

Your BIL is a dick. Sleeping in bed with a snorer is torture. She's not even complaining about it, just quietly resolving the issue.

No, they’re not all like that. DP has recently started snoring so he now goes to bed with his mouth taped shut every night, which does help quite a lot. Your BIL is a dick.

Yeh he is a massive dick. She just accepts it and tells me things as if they are facts. Like she can't sleep in the spare room because he goes mad the next morning. I'm like well you can , you need to sleep, but she says oh well it's just not worth it. And she's like that about everything in their lives. They just back from a holiday in the sun which sounds fab until she says he played tennis all day every day and she did everything to organize the kids etc etc. He just always puts himself first as he is the most important and she just accepts it. I can't even go over there any more.

Ugh dick

I'm going to be going into surgical menopause in my early 40's in the next few years. My husband has already been looking up menopause symptoms, talking about research etc. He knows it'll throw a spanner in our relationship so is doing what he can to make life easier for me by being clued up and knowledgeable.

OP I might suggest printing off the list of menopause symptoms and handing it to this knob end. He might just see what she is dealing with to why sleep is important to her. He either grows some compassion or gets his snoring sorted. DH snored for years and kept getting rejected for sleep studies because he wasn't randomly falling asleep in the day. All his male relatives have been diagnosed with sleep apnea but yet nobody would do anything. Look moving to another trust and he was finally seen and diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I put up with it for years and on the tough nights when I was woken up I'd go in the spare room or in with the kids. Difference being my DH was trying to get it sorted and didn't tantrum that I wasn't sharing the marital bed with him

No it’s not normal. My husband has MH issues and can find it hard to sleep apart but also snores badly and knows I need sleep to function because I am human…so we negotiate. Some nights his need for closeness is the priority, some nights my need for uninterrupted sleep is the priority. We compromise like you have to in a marriage. We talk about it and make it work. It took time - I think it can be hard for a heavy sleeper to realise initially how torturous it can be to be woken repeatedly through the night, but he’s her partner and he should hear her out and respect her needs.

I know people who think they are failing in their marriage if snoring keeps them apart. There is also a lot of blaming of people who snore when often they can’t help it, having tried to address it. But sleeping separately is absolutely the best way to deal with this. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion are not a recipe for bliss.

i also recommend the SnoreLab app which gives the snorer a much better idea of what they are putting their partner through and how much they snore.