Would this annoy you? Controlling?

[Pred1cament]

My husband seems to be becoming quite controlling when it comes to anything relating to our kids (6 and 2). He’s from a traditional African family and seems naturally stricter than I am, but it feels like he’s getting annoyed with me over really petty stuff. One example is he thinks our 6 year old is old enough to come down and get her own drink in the morning (she usually hangs around upstairs for a bit when she wakes up but likes some milk and dry cereal to tide her over until breakfast). Fair enough, maybe she is. So I’d stopped getting it for her. Didn’t really agree but can’t be arsed to disagree over it. However a couple of times if we’re in a rush I’ve just come and got it for her as she takes forever, and each time he picks me up on it. Not cross as such but has to comment on it. Today I’d left her iPad charging overnight so went to get it from the kitchen for her this morning. Once again she noticed and said she should be getting it herself. I feel like I’m constantly under surveillance. Who the f cares if I want to get something for my kid? I mean he’s perfectly capable of making his own dinner and hanging his own clean washing up, but that doesn’t mean I do it for him once in a while to show I care?! What’s the difference? I feel like he has to comment on every little thing I do that he feels isn’t doing things the way he wants them done and it’s bloody annoying me. AIBU?

Bump

Sounds like he's controlling towards you not just the kids

Maybe he wants the dc to be independent? Maybe he is trying to lighten your load?

He sounds really mean. Your daughter is still really young. He needs to consider what kind of relationship he wants with her as she gets older.

Quite controlling

Tell him to do his parenting his way and you do what you like everytime he comments on your parenting style tell him to fuck off

I think women are just more nurturing than men and they like to try and make kids independent too quickly because they are naturally lazier parents.

Ultimately she is your child, if you want to get her a drink then do, your say should be just as important. There’s a balance to be found.

You need to make him aware he is being overbearing and your finding it to be nit picking which is super annoying and causes unnecessary tension.

I don't like the sound of him.

I’m a lot stricter than my partner, I see both sides! Find a compromise somewhere in the middle (Not sure I’d be fussed about the drinks as you mentioned… but on other things, rules are rules).

I think these are really minor things. Is he trying to make her less dependent on you? I think at her age she is capable of getting a drink/her own iPad. Does she tidy her room?

He is teaching the child independence and self-sufficiency. What he's trying to do is to get the child to learn how to make decisions and take control over the things they can have control over, such as getting themselves food and drink, dressing themselves, and looking after their tablet, for instance. Otherwise, the house is tied to the demands of the child, and you just end up being a butler.

This isn't a man vs woman dilemma some parents just have different ideas and expectations. I have to say mine were doing small tasks like this from the age of 4.

Thanks everyone. We had a good chat last night about this and some other things that had been bothering me (again what I felt like was controlling behaviour) and I feel like we ironed everything out so I’m feeling much happier x

From someone who made the mistake of doing far too much for our first child, for too long, I agree with your husband.

With mine, the night before I put a cup of milk in the fridge and a bowl of cereal covered with a plate along with a spoon from about 6/7.

He sounds unbelievably irritating, and I would say controlling. It would drive me round the bend.

Theres something nasty about men who don’t want the mother of their children to do things for said children.

Of course she can do it herself but getting her the odd drink from downstairs aged six isn’t going to result in her failing to become independent as she gets older.

If feels like he resents you doing things for you child, which is not a nice look.