…to be panicking hugely about my fertility?

[BreathingThroughAnxiety]

I don’t know what I’m looking for from this post…maybe advice and reassurance if anyone’s able to give any?

I’m about to turn 34 and am terrified that I won’t be able to conceive and that I’ve left having babies too late, or that I’ll have children with health problems due to the quality of my eggs.

I have a boyfriend who wants kids but I am still feeling in a bit of a difficult space from the end of a relationship a few years ago, and am finding it hard to move on completely and focus on building a life with my new boyfriend.

I’m nervous my cycles are changing, as I’ve had short, heavy periods for the last couple of years, although cycle length has stayed roughly the same. I’m scared about early menopause. I’m having my LH and FSH levels checked due to heavy periods, but my Dr said I can’t have my AMH checked on the NHS.

Has anyone used ‘hertility’ or similar? Is it worth the money? Should I be thinking about freezing my eggs?

Just feeling so anxious about all ahead and don’t know if I should start to TTC now even though my head is all over the place.

I would so appreciate any words of advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Thank you.

I had my daughter at 32. Wasn't expecting to get pregnant since I'd been on the contraceptive pill since I was 17. A new relationship after a very long one. When we met we both had said how much we wanted children one day. I expected it to take years due to my age etc. He was well aware I had come off the pill and well I got pregnant the first month. We had been together just under a year when I found out. But it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. My daughter is the bestest friend I will ever have.

Firstly, do not start trying to ttc just because you're panicking, that will lead to disaster.

I'm a much older (mid 40s when I gave birth) IVF mum so to me 34 seems very young but I can understand the worry if you're not yet with the person you want to have children with / not yet ready.

One option, if you want to go that route, could be to freeze embryos. Certainly a few years ago frozen eggs had extremely low success rates, I don't imagine that has changed much. You could however use a sperm donor and go the full ivf route so that you, hopefully, have frozen embryos should you need them in the future.

First at 34, 2nd at 39.

Perfectly happy, healthy babies.

Women are having kids older these days so unless you have major health concerns, you're probably over thinking it.

I would have a fertility check up at a proper clinic. They can do an AMH test and a pelvic scan to check for any obvious issues, and do a follicle count.

Be aware that knowing AMH is more useful for IVF than natural conception. As long as you’re ovulating each month, and your tubes are clear, there is a good chance you can fall pregnant. I have fallen naturally with a rock bottom AMH, I am younger than you, and was told I couldn’t get pregnant without IVF. So even in the bleakest of situations, there can be hope.

It sounds like you're very worried, so hopefully you get some reassurance from this thread.

34 is not leaving it too late, and I say that as someone who started trying for a baby at 34 and unfortunately has faced fertility problems meaning I'm now knee deep in IVF.

The vast majority of 34 year olds will still be able to have a baby without difficulty. Loads of my friends managed it, and at later ages. I'm very much at the younger end of people in the waiting room at my fertility clinic, which indicates to me that its just bad luck rather than the fact I'm too old. Obviously it would be better if I were 25 but that's not how things worked out.

The LH and FSH tests (as well as the AMH test - get one, go private) will give you a bit of info on ovarian reserve, but really it doesn't mean anything unless you struggle to conceive naturally and need IVF where those results tell the doctor how you're likely to respond to the drugs. It can also give you a bit of a gauge of how much time you might have to play with, but it's not an exact science and lots of women will still be able to conceive with low AMH etc.

Do you have regular cycles? Do you know you ovulate (you can work this out with a day 21 progesterone test, or tracking basal body temperature over a cycle)? Do you know how long your luteal phase is? I'd say all of these things are more fundamental to understanding your immediate fertility situation.

Egg freezing has quite low success rates and the experience isn't pleasant so I wouldn't jump into it straight away. Do the hormone tests, see where you're at and whether the results help to focus your thoughts on having children with your boyfriend or take some pressure off.

I know how overwhelming this can feel and the pressure to rush into things, but here you have enough time to take a pause and think things through a bit more.

Good luck.

You sounds very anxious. Are you getting any therapy OP, to help with anxiety and to help you move on after your previous relationship? It sounds like that might be a better place to invest your money than egg freezing etc. Yes there is a time limit on fertility, but it doesn't change overnight, and there are no guarantees of healthy babies even in your early 20s. There are no guarantees with anything tbf. You say your boyfriend wants children. Do you?

Hey,

I have used hertility, i found it great for giving me reasurrance of my AMH etc. I was 30 when I did it, only had one ovary and was panicking that I left it too late like all my drs had previously implied.

When you get your results a Dr will talk you through them which gives you time to ask questions.

Tbh it gave me a confidence boost when trying with my DH as I knew I had a good chance and there was hope for me.

Alternatively, if my results were not as I would have hoped, it would have given me the confidence to go to my GP and seek further referrals or treatment.

I also used ovulation sticks (eventually) to make sure i was actually ovulating.

I’m 13w pregnant now and i’m 31:).

Plenty of people have kids at an older age, and have healthy babies, but we do have to be realistic with our body clocks, and tbh hertility is a good starting point to see your levels , it can help take the pressure off, or see whether you might need to seek out fertility treatment sooner rather than later etc.

GP’s don’t really recognise or act on sub optimal AMH results. You still need to have tried naturally for the requisite amount of time to qualify for fertility referral on the NHS.

I think your genes influence fertility. Ask your female blood relatives if late/early menopause runs in your family? Unless your female rellies all go infertile in their 30s, you're probably fine.

Panicking hugely isn't very helpful tbh when you're not even 35 and have a partner who wants kids. You're in a good position to go for it.

But I am concerned you're not ready, have emotional stuff to sort through beforehand, as how long will that take? What are you doing to process your ex and move forwards?

I wouldn't bother with a fertility test honestly as what good will it do? If it says things look okay it doesn't mean you will get pregnant fine in 2-3yr. If it says there are issues, would you rush and do it now? Freezing eggs isn't really a good insurance policy at your age, and could give a false sense of security to wait even longer.

Yes people have babies into their forties but you do lose fertility as you age, and it would be sensible to start soon to give yourselves the best chances. It's not just about having the baby in nine months time, it's about giving yourselves time to handle things if you struggle to conceive, have losses, have to terminate, etc.

My periods got shorter and with a shorter cycle around 32, but I conceived easily at 36. So it doesn't necessarily mean you'll struggle. Our cycles do change as we get older, but before peri-menopause.

That said, I've heard good things about Hertility and it would give you more knowledge to base your decisions on.

i was in a similar position.

i recommend finding a therapist who you can talk through this with.

for me…
I got tested and had average egg reserve… nothing looked too dicey…
I decided with my therapist I wanted the traditional setup so i was going to go for that. My aims were, in order:
married with kids
married and childless
single and childless

Going it alone was not something I wanted and that was hard to admit,

i researched egg freezing and had to wade through a lot of bad and misleading stats. The reality is the odds are not great in general and really nose dive once you are over 35. It also comes with a price tag, health risks to you etc
Embryos have much better success but obvs for that you need sperm 😞

I know 4 women I work with who banked their eggs. 2 struggled with “harvesting” so didn’t have many eggs… none of them have had a baby off the back of it and are mid 40s

i met my DH at 34 I didn’t mess about but didn’t rush.
we did the house got married and then cracked on… we have 2 kids I had my first at 38 and second at 40!

First thing to really do is decide whether your current partner is the one and if you want to have a family with him. Ignore your age at the moment until this is decided.

I wouldn't rush into having kids with someone you might not be sure of just because.

Having said that I was naive enough to think TTC was easy. Came off pill at 30 thinking it'd be a breeze but then had all manner of issues. It took us 8 years to eventually have a child via IVF as I was told I couldn't have them naturally as I had numerous gynae conditions that were masked by me being on the pill. But as I was 37 when I had IVF I didn't get many eggs.

So half of me says don't assume it'll be easy and quick as you never know what will be around the corner.

Good luck though 🙂

I don't know if this is helpful, but all my friends have had kids in their mid 30s, and out of 10 of them...

1 in five conceived in the first month
1 in five had to use IVF
The rest took between 3-12 months to conceive

All have had babies

Thank you so much, everyone. This does feel helpful. I struggle a lot with anxiety and the reassurance is helpful. Thank you 🙏

Please don’t rush into TTC, absolutely the worst thing. You could look at private fertility tests but AMH really isn’t that reliable. I know people who’ve had low AMH and conceived easily; and vice Versa. 34 is not old at all. I wouldn’t waste money on egg freezing, it’s got a low success rate especially when you don’t freeze eggs til a bit older. My cycles changed when I got into my 30s and I’ve got pregnant twice with 6 months. I’d focus on getting some counselling either on your own or as a couple, so you can move forward.

No one can tell you what your fertility is.

It doesn't matter what age other women were when they had DCs.

Get all the checks you can and take the steps in your relationship to ttc asap.

I was also really worried about my fertility as my mother had me late after over 12 years of trying. We conceived our first at 34, second cycle and our second at 37, first cycle. We would like to have one more child, unfortunately after 40 the probability that the released egg has genetic errors goes up significantly. But I still get pregnant very very easily, it’s just much harder to keep being pregnant beyond the first trimester.

If it makes you feel better, I thought it would take a long time to conceive at 37 and 38. I came off pill and was pregnant within weeks both times. Healthy pregnancies.