Does anyone else feel things really hard?

[shonapop]

I seem to feel things really heavily. Back in April and May, two children, a teen and a toddler, died, cancer and eating disorder. These were friends of friends children. I didn't know them well at all. It has really really affected me. I attend therapy and have done for 2 years, but it hasn't helped. I just feel everything so much. Even thinkgs like the Dishwasher not emptied by the others in the house when I've been working all day, I lose my shit and I'm raging for the rest of the day and the next. Friend doesn't message back, and I convince myself I'm awful and it hangs over me. I can't watch the news anymore, or do facebook. And even mumsnet Is brutal at times. What is wrong with me? Any tips from folks experiencing similar would be gratefully received.

Is the therapy making any difference at all? Because I’m wondering if it might help to try a different therapist. What kind are you seeing?

If your therapy isn't working, you probably need another therapist, and I would have your hormone levels looked at, as well.

Even thinkgs like the Dishwasher not emptied by the others in the house when I've been working all day, I lose my shit and I'm raging for the rest of the day and the next.

This is not normal or healthy, no matter how annoying your family members are, and if you are raging at them for a day, two days over this, that's abusive. You need to be very proactive in figuring out how to manage your emotions.

Yeah I can absolutely see that it's abusive. It's like I'm watching myself doing it and can't control it.
Sounds crazy but I hadn't considered a new therapist!

Have you always been like this? Or is it recent?

With the children who died, how would you say it's affected you, are you worrying something will happen to your own children?

I can somewhat relate to overreacting to things like the dishwasher not being emptied, in my head my initial response is to make it into a much bigger deal than it is, because I know if I'd been home all day I would have just sorted it without thinking. My inner voice will react by saying 'ffs DH is such a lazy git, he must think I'm a mug for leaving this for me to sort again'. I take a breath and don't get into a row with my DH about it as chances are he just got distracted and forgot to do it. Let's face it chores are boring, so it's not understandable these things get missed from time to time. I'll ask him if he minds taking care of it and he does. Should I have to ask as much as I do? probably not, but everyone has their annoying quirks!

Have you always felt like this or can you pinpoint something which happened which triggered this?

I've always been like this, but it's worse in times of stress like now. I get very down before my period, and I will have a meltdown and then look at the date and realise I'm due, but I'm not at the moment. Everything just seems so personal. I don't ask much of them. I do so much for them, yet the little I ask of them, they can't manage. Feel like a mug.

Could you possibly have ADHD? Some of the feelings you describe sound like that to me x

I've often wondered. What in particular makes think that?

Everything you said in your original post. Sounds very familiar with some of my own feelings and I have wondered for a long while myself if I have ADHD, based on what I've learnt about how it shows in women, as it shows very different in males.

My first thought was EUPD/BPD, I've read it described as like missing a layer of skin so everything feels so much more intensely sensitive/painful (although obviously emotionally rather than physically). Definitely worth considering I think.

Wow, I'm off to Google that.

Have you read about the Highly Sensitive Person, op? There's a book I think. Personally, I believe it is generally neurodiversity in some form. But the book may still be helpful.

Thanks, I have found it on audible, although the physical book is probably best. I have listened to podcasts about HSP, always have aha moments!

I consider myself to be a HSP, and I went through years of increasing rage and stress over the slightest thing. HRT and anti-anxiety meds, plus daily yoga, have saved my sanity.
I don’t see the distress about deaths and news etc as something that can be fixed, for me at least. I’m highly empathetic and take on others’ feelings, and struggle with my own too. I take breaks from social media and the news sometimes. And try to live in the moment. Yoga helps.

Sorry to hear this, sounds really tough, and a lot like me! I find myself getting far too affected by things which I feel I should be able to accept easily, like you say, a mum I knew, not well at all, but just to chat to, died quite suddenly of cancer and I could not stop my brain thinking about her and her poor family for weeks after.

I definitely feel like I have no skin sometimes. I decided to stop reading the news a few years ago (we don't have a tv so I literally never watch it) and I felt strangely embarrassed at first but it has honestly been a hugely positive thing in my life. It's not natural to be exposed to so much bad news.

I feel like I have to be my own gatekeeper and be really careful about what I allow myself to watch or read.

Writing down what I'm grateful for each even ing helps, as does running for me. It's good you've written this post and I hope you find some support.

Thankyou for your message, and sorry you feel the same. Most people around me just don't get it. It's even been suggested that I'm making others awful situations about me. I then start to question myself and wonder if I'm a selfish, self-absorbed cow. Don't know how to change it other than to live alone in a bubble, which would be utterly miserable as well.

I have given this book a listen, and it has been brilliant. I hadn't thought about the HSP thing. More that there was something very wrong with me. Feel much less of a failure now.

I am wondering if you have ADHD and RSD which often goes with it.

Just googled RSD. Hadn't heard of this either. It is so me!

I’m not sure . I feel as though everyone has a tipping point, and it doesn’t have to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, but it can be that event that causes all your emotions to overwhelm you.
For me I had a huge amount of personal stress that I seemed to cope ok with and naturally resolved. Then purely by chance I was first on the scene of an accident involving a stranger needing cpr and the experience really affected me, it brought lots of emotions to the surface. I think my coping mechanisms would have been healthier had I not been through a long period of stress, but I just didn’t have the additional capacity left in my cup really.

I feel like this ! Like I am missing a tough skin or something and feel very vulnerable and exposed sometimes . Things upset me deeply I try not to think too much about animals being killed for food for example . I always thought I was a HSP highly sensitive person .Google it and see if it’s you.