Grandparent jealousy

[Theroadnottravelled]

I have two lovely parents and had a good childhood. They are fantastic grandparents to my two girls (4 and 2) and live locally and are supportive. This is quite lighthearted but I’m fascinated and a little envious of my dad’s relationship with them. Growing up, he always worked long hours and wasn’t around that much. He is also very practical and not hugely affectionate or tactile when we were kids (or now tbh) but still a great dad. But he’s very hands on and affectionate with my daughters and loves them outwardly way more than he ever showed me. They adore him. I always thought he loves my mum so much there wasn’t much room for anyone else but it seems I was wrong. Is it normal to think like this and be a bit jealous? I wish I’d had this version of him.

Think about how absolutely knackered you are as a parent working long hours and how little you have left in the tank at the end of each day. Compare that to how much time parents subsequently get back with grown children who’ve moved out / retirement. You can’t compare the two!
You say he was a great dad and you had a good childhood - I’m sure he was the best dad he could be at the time. Be happy he has so much energy now as a grandpa!

That's both wonderful and also very sad. You must be grieving what you needed. Would it be possible to join in now, more cafe or picnic days, something you can also enjoy this new version of him?
I do understand your take on only having so much mental space, maybe that was also true then. I feel lucky in that, although my dad had issues, I feel like in later years I did get something closer.

This is exactly the same situation I have. He admitted to my mum that he didn’t feel he properly bonded with my brothers and I as he worked so much and this is his second chance. Rather sad really. Yep I get jealous as he doesn’t make tonnes of effort with me even now he’s retired

I always thought he loves my mum so much there wasn’t much room for anyone else but it seems I was wrong

Op this made me feel sad ... that's a feeling that says to me you saw he had love for your mum and not you. I'm sure he did op.. that's why he loves your kids so much. Maybe he's trying to do better.. not saying this to be little your feelings, just hope you feel better about it op.

He loves them so much because your girls are an extension of you....he's showing his love for you...through your children.

I think you are entitled to how you feel . Yes , I can see why . You craved your dad and he wasn’t there emotionally and you have resentment for that .But make peace with it and relish in the fact he is there now , and adores your children and they adore him . And your dad adores you too ..

It's so much easier to be a grandparent v a parent.
GPs don't have to do the routine stuff, they cone in, spoil the kids, let them do things Mum & Dad don't and then wizz off again.
They're retired so have the mental & emotional energy (but not the physical, haha!) to look after the kids & engage with them.
They've been there & done that re parenting so don't have the anxiety that the parents may

So be glad they love your kids and are part of their lives. Once the kids get to teens/twenties they'll be too busy with their friends /lives to spend much time with GPs so let them all enjoy it now.

It's hard to explain how much easier it is to be a grandparent than a parent, but it is.
My dad was a lousy parent and frankly no better as a grandad.. he was just too self absorbed and selfish. I saw what a wonderful dad my dh is/was to our kids and grieved that I never had that so I completely understand.
Now we are grandparents. dh still works long hours but when he walks in he drops everything to swoop up DGS into his arms and it's wonderful.

I was (my kids tell me) a decent mum, and have a lovely relationship with all four children. But I still feel I'm a better grandparent than parent... simply because the ultimate stress of child rearing isn't mine. I have dgs several days a week, every week, often for 16 hours a day because of my DD and her husbands nursing shifts. But it's easy.. I have more time, more patience, I can enjoy every moment of his development in a way that when my lot were little, I didn't have time to appreciate because I was in the thick of child rearing and trying to juggle work with their needs.I work part time now so I have more mental energy left.

And there is something marvellous about the child of your child that is hard to describe.You fall in love all over again but without the stress.

And I also think that your age and awareness of mortality comes into play. I'm aware my time left in this world is shorter, and I want to grab every moment of it with my family.

Your dad loves you. He's just got more time to be fun now :)

I expect it's a whole lot easier being a grandparent. You aren't responsible 247, you get the fun bits. Grandparents love spoiling DS and showering him with attention. I don't remember my mum being like that with me but I don't feel bad about it. I'm sure they love giving him back too!

Thanks everyone. I can see that I’m being a bit over dramatic and should be grateful that he gives so much of himself to my kids. I look forward to being a grandparent :-)

Op I work in a male industry, that often involves long hours and weekends.
It's not the first Granddad I've come across who loves being a Granddad and who regrets missing out and working so much when their own kids were young but at the time they needed the money, mortgage, and just cost of raising families.

MN has an idyllic few of life in the 70s and 80s that houses were cheap and could be afforded on one wage, Mums could be SAHM etc etc.

Reality is many men were working crazy hours to pay for it. While mortgage companies won't take over-time into account overtime was often what paid for the extras in life holidays, cars, birthdays, Christmas even simple things like a night out at the pictures.